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I met someone online several years ago through online gaming. We hit it off and became inseparable. I'm several years older than him and have an established life in another state (long-time job, home, etc).
When I first met him, there were issues with other females where he would secretly hide conversations with them, or "hang out" with them online after I went to sleep. He blamed it on immaturity. Fast forward to a couple yrs later, similar things happened at his job where he would hide overly friendly relationships with other females. There wasn't much I could do since we lived in different states, but I always managed to find out eventually. Again, he'd blame it on immaturity.
I am aware of a young female at his current job that he is enamored with. By enamored, he came out and admitted to me he was attracted to her and liked being around her. The two would go out of their way to be together at work, and walk around and talk.
I made it clear that if WE were going to continue, he needed to cut her off. I didn't mean he couldn't be friendly with her, but it was evident by their conversations that the lines were being crossed. He would tell me about their private conversations, at least I would hear some of it, and these were things I would NEVER tell anyone at work. They were going down the sexual path, she would get up close to him and follow him, commenting on how he smelled good. The conversations seemed very personal.
Since he wasn't going to do anything, being the person that I am, I messaged her through Instagram and told her to back off. Did I go to far? Probably, but I didn't care. Next month he is moving in with me and starting his new life here, and I needed to know this type of crap wasn't going to follow.
I told him that I messaged her because he wasn't going to do anything, so he approached her at work the next day and asked if someone messaged her. She said yes and let him know she's mad at him and will no longer speak to him. He told me she was in tears, and now he feels horrible that I hurt this "really good person".
That was a couple weeks ago and he now claims they never speak and she avoids him, but I suspect that he has reconciled with her and apologized. I picture him confiding in her, and making himself look like the victim. There are times we're on the phone and I'm certain I hear his phone vibrate with a text, but he claims he received nothing. We're both on his phone plan but he's assured me they don't call or text eachother (at least not that I can see). I know there are apps out there that hide this kind of stuff, and the fact I hear texts come through but don't see them raises that red flag.
I've tried calmly talking to him about my concerns but he gets extremely angry and defensive, calling me an idiot. He'll just say that he's coming here should be proof enough he doesn't have anything going on with her and that she still doesn't speak to him.
Before I let this guy come live with/off me, I'd love to hear feedback. Please keep it nice. It's Sunday and I'd like to not be called names.
Do you want to have to do this forever? Right down to calling girls to tell them to back off? Even if you do, he won't. He will get tired of it. I would look for someone else. And next time, let the guy make his own decision, don't go calling women to tell them what to do. If his decision is that he wants you and only you, and you feel the same way, then it's a match.
It is up to you, but also, maybe he is just a friendly guy, some people like to talk/flirt with everybody,but they don't really mean anything by it.
Be careful not to become too possessive or jealous & not allow him to talk to anyone, I know one couple, where that happened, the man had to quit his job,because the wife was so insecure of him working with females, which is totally ridiculous, as they are somewhere near 50% of the work force.
I also know if my DH took it upon himself to call a work colleague or a friend, & say, back off me, if nothing was going on, he'd be in big trouble. I expect him to trust me.
I met someone online several years ago through online gaming. We hit it off and became inseparable. I'm several years older than him and have an established life in another state (long-time job, home, etc).
When I first met him, there were issues with other females where he would secretly hide conversations with them, or "hang out" with them online after I went to sleep. He blamed it on immaturity. Fast forward to a couple yrs later, similar things happened at his job where he would hide overly friendly relationships with other females. There wasn't much I could do since we lived in different states, but I always managed to find out eventually. Again, he'd blame it on immaturity.
I am aware of a young female at his current job that he is enamored with. By enamored, he came out and admitted to me he was attracted to her and liked being around her. The two would go out of their way to be together at work, and walk around and talk.
I made it clear that if WE were going to continue, he needed to cut her off. I didn't mean he couldn't be friendly with her, but it was evident by their conversations that the lines were being crossed. He would tell me about their private conversations, at least I would hear some of it, and these were things I would NEVER tell anyone at work. They were going down the sexual path, she would get up close to him and follow him, commenting on how he smelled good. The conversations seemed very personal.
Since he wasn't going to do anything, being the person that I am, I messaged her through Instagram and told her to back off. Did I go to far? Probably, but I didn't care. Next month he is moving in with me and starting his new life here, and I needed to know this type of crap wasn't going to follow.
I told him that I messaged her because he wasn't going to do anything, so he approached her at work the next day and asked if someone messaged her. She said yes and let him know she's mad at him and will no longer speak to him. He told me she was in tears, and now he feels horrible that I hurt this "really good person".
That was a couple weeks ago and he now claims they never speak and she avoids him, but I suspect that he has reconciled with her and apologized. I picture him confiding in her, and making himself look like the victim. There are times we're on the phone and I'm certain I hear his phone vibrate with a text, but he claims he received nothing. We're both on his phone plan but he's assured me they don't call or text eachother (at least not that I can see). I know there are apps out there that hide this kind of stuff, and the fact I hear texts come through but don't see them raises that red flag.
I've tried calmly talking to him about my concerns but he gets extremely angry and defensive, calling me an idiot. He'll just say that he's coming here should be proof enough he doesn't have anything going on with her and that she still doesn't speak to him.
Before I let this guy come live with/off me, I'd love to hear feedback. Please keep it nice. It's Sunday and I'd like to not be called names.
Hello.You can NOT trust this person.YOU are right in how you're feeling based on his actions.Please don't allow this person to move in with you.This 'relationship' should have ended the 1st tine you caught him talking to women...meaning overstepping his boundaries with them.. being inappropriate.He KNOWS what he's doing..just seeing how long he can get away with doing it with you.Don't allow him to move in with you please.Break up with him now,today.He will always make excuses for his behavior.I know you love him but he's not a good guy.
I'm not staying with anyone who calls me an idiot.
The eff?
He sounds manipulative as hell and unfaithful. This man has shown you over and over again that he's not trustworthy for a committed relationship. He doesn't respect boundaries, he doesn't respect how you feel, he doesn't respect your "relationship," he doesn't respect you period. But if you can deal with that, stay with him. If not, you know what to do.
Did I miss something here?
You've never even met each other in person but he's coming to live with you??
You told off a work friend of his because he talks to her and you think you hear his phone make a noise and because years ago he talked to women online? You're online 'exclusive' for years?
How old is this guy? And you?
Tell me I read that wrong
Have you even met this guy? You know this isn't a real dating relationship, right? What do you mean you're inseparable - you've been nothing but separated for years.
If someone I was interested in or "dating" threatened one of my friends - or especially a coworker - I would end my relationship with them immediately. That is unstable, controlling and manipulative behavior.
You cannot trust him and you most likely never will, DO NOT let him move in, let him go and move on, it really isn't worth the headache and I think deep down you KNOW that if he moves in, there will be more incidents and then it will be really hard to get rid of him.
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