Is this gaslighting or am I delusional? (married, guy, lover)

[20yrsinBranson]

For those of you who care, we have agreed to jave an open relationship. So, that part of my life is not pertinent to this discussion.

[wasel]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

For those of you who care, we have agreed to jave an open relationship. So, that part of my life is not pertinent to this discussion.

Maybe it's pertinent to this love interest of yours.

[Mikala43]

You are honor bound to leave this man alone. He belongs to someone else.

You think your feelings trump being a good person?

[old_cold]

If you have an open relationship and were trolling for hot young stuff just a little while ago (while supposedly so madly in love with him ), go back to that and leave this guy alone.

[Gretchen963]

If you were truly "in love" with your business partner, you wouldn't be looking for other men on dating sites and then posting about it here.

IMO, this is about lust and infatuation for someone who doesn't want to be with you. So, instead you've created this fantasy in your mind about his "feelings" for you, because it probably peeves you to no end that even though you two slept together (while he had a SO), he STILL chose her over you. You continually reading "more" into it won't change the situation.

Again, this isn't about love, it's about your ego being bruised from not being chosen.

[rego00123]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

Well, I did come here to get everyone's input. So I can't complain about all of you being frank and expressing your opinions. And I do thank you for that.

As someone once said, if you can't stand the heat.....etc., etc., etc.,

There is a lot of merit to the responses I have received. THANK GOD nobody told me that "I had to learn to love myself", before I could love anybody else. Thank all of you for NOT saying that. I have had a little professional counseling online and it seems like they are all reading from the same script and NOT listening to me at all.

Now then, back to the problem at hand.

First of all, we have not always been in business together. Only for the past year. And when he made the statement "Better for us", we were not in business together at that time. So the theory he was talking about the business is not possible.

We are more, or less, partners. He handles resource acquisition (getting the workers), and I handle marketing and operations. It is a great and very, very successful partnership. We work amazingly well together, and get along perfectly. Oh and incidentally, this business was actually his idea. He has always wanted to work near me. Because of the nature of my work, I change jobs frequently for advancement and EVERY time I have changed a job he has expressed interest in working with me. Even when the location or hours was not particularly convenient for him.

There are a lot of other things that I did not go into during my original post, and to be honest, I don't think that it would change the opinions or outcomes of any of your comments. The only thing that I will share that might make a little difference is that initially, we did have a physical relationship for a short period of time. So I know that at the beginning he did have an interest in me in a way that was other than professional. I won't say that there was any "romance" involved, because clearly, on his end there wasn't. But there was a strong physical attraction and desire. This is one reason why, perhaps, I interpret some of the things he says in a different than "strictly professional" way.

Although I do appreciate the sincere feedback, it is very easy to point fingers at other people and say that they are wrong. This is not some simple school-girl infatuation that I can walk away from with a shrug of my shoulders. This is an very serious life-altering experience that threatens to change my life forever and probably not for the better, no matter which path I take.

But again thank you for your input and for being kind. This is really more painful that you can possibly ever imagine.

20

Nobody said making choices in life was easy, they rarely are and people fail themselves all the time.

Stop looking for blame in other directions if you want to avoid conflicts of interest or living in peril and confusion over other people’s actions.

That’s not me trying to be harsh towards you, that’s just reality.

You live what you create.

I am not sure what you’re actually seeking in this thread.
You seem to be dead set on making something happen regardless of the pieces in play with the only reason being “because you want to”

You do not need our permission to make these choices for yourself.
If venting is all you want to do prehapes this kind of thing is best taken up with a theaprist who can get to know you and possibly help you sort out some of your personal issues with these types of conflicts?

Again, that’s not me being or trying to be harsh towards you. However you have to understand how this whole thing looks from people outside of this situation who have zero personal involvement or ties to this situation.

It looks like someone choosing disregard everything that doesn’t or won’t agree with the thing they have focused so much attention towards.

[Mikala43]

The guy is doing everything possible to politely keep you at arms length. Don't embarrass yourself by continually trying to turn this into something he obviously doesn't want.

If you are in an open relationship (HE is not) then there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[GusLevy]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

Three and a half years ago I met a man who would become a huge part of my life. If ever there was such a thing as love at first sight, this was the text book example.

During the past three years I have done everything humanly in my power to cement the friendship. Early on he would contact me sporadically to ask me a question but there never seemed to be any motivation on his part to strengthen the bond that is between us.

Once in a while he will say or do something that any normal person would interpret as positive emotional feed back. Example: on New Years Eve I texted him "Happy New Year, it's going to be a good year! To which he replied: "I hope it will bea good year for us".

I have told him many times via text and in writing that I cared very much for him and love him, so there can be no doubt in his mind of how I feel. He texts me *almost* every morning with "good morning, how are you", and suggests that we get together and hang out at least once a week, sometimes several times a week, if his schedule permits.

We operate a business together and it is very much in his best interest to keep me a happy camper. But when I talk to him about my future plans to move on with my life he texted me "I hope that you stay with me a long time".

In the past we have had some very heated arguments via text about my feelings and how he is in a long term relationship and does not want to be a "bad person". And be unfaithful to her with me. He wants to be "just friends" and I tell him honestly that I cannot do that, which he totally ignores.

(Before you say that we need to have a face to face conversation rather than texting, let me add that has a very stern and foreboding manner which makes it VERY difficult to talk to him. Also, when I start thinking about this issue I become an emotional wreck and am incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation)

I have told him in the past to leave me alone because I can't handle the pain. But of course he texted me the next morning acting like nothing ever happened, inviting me to go to the movies or come over to his house and have dinner with him and his significant other.

I am at a loss to understand why he does this. He knows that it drives me crazy and breaks my heart (I've told him this 100 times), but he continues to text me and call me and offer to spend time with me even though I tell him clearly that it hurts me to do this. Even when I tell him NO. Even when I tell him, "I know you are just doing this to be nice, so STOP BEING NICE TO ME".

He constantly behaves in a manner that would indicate to any sane, rational person that he has feelings for me. I am constantly ENDLESSLY confused by this. Honestly, his behavior does not follow the standard rules of play and it has caused me no end of being sad and depressed and occassionally even a little suicidal because NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

Can any one out there offer me any insight into what is going on here?

First of all, the most important thing is for you to learn to love yourself.

There is no way to describe the bliss of loving yourself...well, masturbation would be the literal definition of that physical act but perhaps Roget or Webster should create a new and softer word for it. Because most, if not all, of the words ending in "...tion" that relate to bodily matters are either very clinical sounding or worse (e.g. constipaTION, flatulaTION, etc.).

Anyway, the current husband, the engaged paramour, the young studs on the dating sites...they all must stand in line behind YOU because YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE CAN. Furthermore, to love another, one must first love themself. (Note: This should not interpreted as meaning one must masturbate first before loving someone else...although I'm not one to judge! If it works for you that's cool.)

Secondly, there's a lot of free psychological advice on-line that may be helpful. Besides the ads and having to register with a legitimate email, the advice is fairly solid stuff.

[curiousgeorge5]

Sounds like he wants to hurt you emotionally.

[softcrunch]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

For those of you who care, we have agreed to have an open relationship. So, that part of my life is not pertinent to this discussion.

I'm about to faint..... What's more?



This further explains why you're giving others messed up advise... You need to stop