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After reading this entire thread, I'm gonna have to go with delusional. Although I was leaning that way before even opening this thread based on the OP's posting history. It's been a hot mess for years. But of course all those therapists she's talked to are morons, right?
This thread is a little bit like going online to order a stick vacuum, seeing a text that your package arrived, and going out to see that your package is a riding lawn mower. It is minimally similar in that it has something to do with removing stuff on the ground, but other than that... yeah. Not similar at all.
THANK GOD nobody told me that "I had to learn to love myself", before I could love anybody else. Thank all of you for NOT saying that. I have had a little professional counseling online and it seems like they are all reading from the same script and NOT listening to me at all.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GusLevy
First of all, the most important thing is for you to learn to love yourself.
There is no way to describe the bliss of loving yourself...
Secondly, there's a lot of free psychological advice on-line that may be helpful.
All of you sound like you have never been in love. Oh, just walk away like it's as easy as changing a pair of socks. This a persons life you're talking about and it's justno big deal.
I have been in love with a guy who had another woman who was happy aspiring to be the "side thing," while he was happy to cultivate the emotional affair.
She has a life too, you know. A life with him. He is a villain in her story, but so are you. Are you happy to continue to try to destroy HER life like its no big deal?
You really buried the lede in your first post. It took 6 paragraphs before you mentioned he is in a LTR. This shows me that you know it's wrong. No amount of love will change that.
And guess what - people like this crave lurid attention. If you're not the only one showering him with unrequited feelings, you won't be the last.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
For those of you who care, we have agreed to jave an open relationship. So, that part of my life is not pertinent to this discussion.
Before or after the affair? Does your business partner's girlfriend also agree to have an open relationship? Have you discussed it with her? Does your husband know about your business partner? Or is it a doomed-to-fail "don't ask don't tell" type scenario?
It sounds like this guy is addicted to attention, and also recognizes you have a strong business sense. That's why he ignored all the red flags and went into business with you. Two birds, one stone. He's fulfilling his emotional and financial needs through you, while humiliating his girlfriend and most likely your husband in the process.
That's it for me, folks. What I thought was a problem that someone sincerely wanted to fix is just really a completely messed up lifestyle with the protagonist wanting approbation from others for their choices.
I caught that too ladies - and had a snort myself. But when I read further, I realized Gus had actually read the entire thread because he mentioned the husband, the engaged paramour and the dating website young studs. Gus gets it. Bravo Gus!
I caught that too ladies - and had a snort myself. But when I read further, I realized Gus had actually read the entire thread because he mentioned the husband, the engaged paramour and the dating website young studs. Gus gets it. Bravo Gus!
Yeah, and that's good because the OP doesn't.
She doesn't want to hear advice that could actually help her in the long run. She wants us to play goo-goo romance with her, as if none of us have lived through and crawled out of any kind of screwed-up situation.
IMO he sounds like a classic narcissist. Narcissists are not capable of truly loving ANYONE except themselves.They use people. They are often attracted to the niaeve or co-dependent.
Look the terms up in quotation marks as they have specific meaning when dealing with a narcissist. When it seems like something out of a romance novel or too good to be true -- this is a huge red flag. When his words and actions don't align-- this is a huge red flag. What kind of guy would invite you to dinner with his girlfriend if he's making advances or flirting with you too (triangulation)?? Not a quality guy. Don't waste your time. Narcissists do not respect ANY kind of boundary and they lack the ability to care for or understand others feelings. Don't waste your time or energy on this guy.
You are only"narcissistic supply" to him. He is "hoovering" narcissistic supply from you. He is also using "triangulation" and "intermittent reinforcement" . Another common tool narcissists use is the "silent treatment" which is used to punish, control, avoid responsibilities, and test boundaries and he probably also uses "discard and devaluation or D and D"
He's never going to cement your relationship because it isn't real. None of his relationships are real. It's just a game that gives him a thrill and boosts his ego. I would never be involved in a joint business venture with a narcissist. That is not going to end well. He will break your heart and probably rob you blind if this is your business. They emotionally torture people, if you allow them to.
The best thing you can do is go "no contact" and move on with your life. If you are in a business that you own with this individual you have a major problem on your hands.
Their behavior is truly crazy making...you might seek counseling. They inflict quite a bit of psychological abuse and trauma on their victims. They get off on mind f****** everyone.
You are over 50 and married. You have an open relationship and you are looking online for a lover, preferrably under 35 years old. At the same time you are deeply in love with your business partner who plays with your feelings by giving you hints that he is interested in you but at the same time he would never leave his gf. And you would not want to be her replacement anyway.
I am not sure if you are delusional. But I think your business partner is a bit flirty and you take this flirtiness way too seriously.
Sounds like a huge mess. I am sorry you are in such turmoil. Why don't you focus on one man instead of so many - maybe your husband??
I was under the impression that open relationships are about having sex with others, not falling in love with them.
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