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We operate a business together and it is very much in his best interest to keep me a happy camper.
Okay, you got me at love at first sight. So I feel you. Fortunately, it happened when we were only 10 yrs. old and cant be in business together, LOL. Plus feeling's not mutual so...
THIS MAKES SENSE. Your own quote above why he is nice to you. For his OWN interest, why did you even get into business with him? At least when I was 10, I have the SENSE to accept he is not into me. Even though I have pined for him all of my life. My husband kind of erased that but, that boy will always have a special place in my heart. I even will name my kid with our mashed up names. LOL. Again my husband made sure that won't happen coz he don't want any more kids and he had vasectomy.
My insight is that this a horribly unhealthy & debasing situation for you. It's making you vulnerable & fragile & all those similar emotional states that are very destructive for single women to be in. You need to take your power back & if you do it right away, it won't be that hard.
Especially because he didn't take it in the first place. You gave it away. The longer you wait the harder it will be, so do it today.
And then there was this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
The only thing that I will share that might make a little difference is that initially, we did have a physical relationship for a short period of time.
And this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
Funny, I responded to your post of a few days ago where you mentioned your husband.
Which you clarified with this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
For those of you who care, we have agreed to jave an open relationship. So, that part of my life is not pertinent to this discussion.
But I still thought this too:
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I was under the impression that open relationships are about having sex with others, not falling in love with them.
So ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
If I bail out of the partnership he is stuck doing 100 percent of the work rather than 50%. Some of my strong points like marketing, are things he is really not good at so it would be a burden on him to cover my portion of the duties. Our business is strong and growing exponentially. I'm sure it would be very, very difficult for him if I were not there. So he wants to keep me as happy as possible without overstepping the limits he has placed on the friendship.
I actually wouldn't change anything I said in my first post, despite the additional dynamics that have been mentioned.
But I will add to it & I guess you can appreciate some bluntness, so I'm going to be blunt. I think very bluntly but I rarely communicate bluntly because it's not a typically appreciated trait:
I doubt very much that his having a GF is really relevant as to why he never did & never will, move on to the next level. To him; you are not & never have been "GF material" & he's already told you why without either of you realizing it:
He doesn't want to "be a bad person" & cheat on his girlfriend. You ... are in a polyamorous lifestyle. Are you ... "bad"? Bad is good if you're looking for a fling but bad is bad in a relationship.
He's attracted to you because you're an attractive woman. He took your polyamorous lifestyle to mean that you would be a low-maintenance, no-strings-attached "piece". It's probably highly annoying to him that you changed the rules but he's sticking to his guns & your histrionics are falling on a deaf ear.
Which is why you like him so much? You've been making the rules & breaking them to suit you for quite some time. And until now, maybe everybody just played your game? Except him.
Honestly; I can see how this makes him attractive to you. It's very ... masculine. You finally met a guy who could handle you but ...
I actually don't think there is any hope for you unless a viable replacement comes along as a distraction. Normally I would say: "You don't need to complicate this by involving yet another person; you can do this on your own, blah, blah, blah".
Except that you don't really want to. You can't make tough choices & hard decisions when you don't want to. It's hard enough when you do.
THIS MAKES SENSE. Your own quote above why he is nice to you. For his OWN interest, why did you even get into business with him? y.
Three reasons.
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
2. He knows a LOT of people and the business requires a lot of people to work that fit a specific demographic. He is invaluable in this regard.
3. He loves money and this job pays extraordinarily well
Twice what he would make anywhere else. I wanted him to make money so he would be happy, and *maybe* be grateful to me.
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
2. He knows a LOT of people and the business requires a lot of people to work that fit a specific demographic. He is invaluable in this regard.
3. He loves money and this job pays extraordinarily well
Twice what he would make anywhere else. I wanted him to make money so he would be happy, and *maybe* be grateful to me.
You get that this all paints a picture of you as extremely manipulative and opportunistic, right?
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
Honestly even before you posted it. I KNOW that you will say exactly that. How's it working for you? I'll vote for delusional for your OP question.
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
2. He knows a LOT of people and the business requires a lot of people to work that fit a specific demographic. He is invaluable in this regard.
3. He loves money and this job pays extraordinarily well
Twice what he would make anywhere else. I wanted him to make money so he would be happy, and *maybe* be grateful to me.
Wow.
This is unreal. You have really done a number on yourself.
Did you coordinate all this before or after the "open marriage" decision?
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 02-05-2018 at 02:41 PM..
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
2. He knows a LOT of people and the business requires a lot of people to work that fit a specific demographic. He is invaluable in this regard.
3. He loves money and this job pays extraordinarily well
Twice what he would make anywhere else. I wanted him to make money so he would be happy, and *maybe* be grateful to me.
It didn't work.
At this point he's had plenty of time in your presence, getting an up-close-and-personal sense of what you have to offer. You've even made him money.
Hell he's even had sex with you before.
He's not in love with you and is not going to be. He likes having you as a busness partner he's flirty with and that's it. Even you admit that he may be just being as nice as he is to keep you as a business partner. For all you know he doesn't even like the flirty part.
The most you can get is more sex at some point and even then he'd be likely to put you right back in the same box you're in now.
There is not going to be a romance.
We're back to my original advice. Ignore all the noise and boil this down to the essence. You are in love and you want a romantic relationship. You've presented your case and he's shown you by words and deeds he's not interested in a romance with you. All you have is some mild kinda flirting that you admit may be motivated by the desire to keep you around so he can keep making money.
Are you happy with theis situation or not? It's not going to change. Do you like this unrequited love drama? Then keep going. Do you haet it? Then change it. He's not going to change a thing because he doesn't have to.
1. It gave me an opportunity to be around him a lot and see him every day with the thinking that he couldn't help but fall madly in love with me if he did that.
2. He knows a LOT of people and the business requires a lot of people to work that fit a specific demographic. He is invaluable in this regard.
3. He loves money and this job pays extraordinarily well
Twice what he would make anywhere else. I wanted him to make money so he would be happy, and *maybe* be grateful to me.
Does your husband have any idea of the lengths you have gone to try and trap this guy?
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I'll vote for delusional for your OP question.
