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I do not see this as a date, it is a first meeting to explore the possibility of a first date.
There is no basics handbook or guideline.
Go, meet, talk, see how things go, decide if you want to meet again.
This is pretty much exactly what it is.
And my biggest danger is getting blown off or cancelled at the last minute and expended all this mental energy in vain.
I do not see this as a date, it is a first meeting to explore the possibility of a first date.
There is no basics handbook or guideline.
Go, meet, talk, see how things go, decide if you want to meet again.
I guess I will go backwards.
I walked her to her car and she was the one who straight up asked if I would be interested in meeting again.
Of course. She said she would wait to hear from me.
Except I am not really sure how attracted I am and I certainly don't hear wedding bells. I somewhat insinuated when it came up I am not very experienced or that I haven't been dating for a long time. I also said I have no expectations or objectives but felt I should explore any opportunities or possibilities. At the conclusion I qualified it by saying I am always interested in meeting new people. So meeting again could mean anything.
But I got through it comfortably. And I am aware of the fact it could be years before I have the opportunity again.
I didn't invite her back to look at my etchings and I wasn't thinking the whole time about her thighs wrapped around my head.
But I do consider the evening to be a rousing success based upon the rather simple criteria that things went along quite well from beginning to end. Whenever an awkward silence almost reared forth, I was able to take charge and recover quickly.
I am not a good spontaneous conversationalist and not always comfortable with strangers but I did in fact have easy guidelines to remember and follow. They were right in the ad.
Once upon a time the ad was based upon finding someone with a shared academic interest but a rather strict reading as in a professor or published author specializing in certain historical periods that interest me but after a year with zero responses I recently loosened it to "I want a date with someone who has heard of pre-Roman England" and got 2 responses. One was yes I have and I am looking for someone to move me to Los Angeles and support me for the rest of my life and then this one who said "I just read a book on Stonehenge and would love someone to discuss it with."
As this absolutely was a singles ad and not a platonic friends only ad, she asked a few point blank personal questions which I answered honestly and she answered in kind but otherwise we talked at length about a wide variety of related and unrelated topics.
I know my posts are a roadmap through the world of alienation, loneliness and perversion but I really do crave intellectual conversation from time to time. In this case I really did get what I wanted.
... she asked a few point blank personal questions which I answered honestly and she answered in kind but otherwise we talked at length about a wide variety of related and unrelated topics.
So think of things you think are fun, and see if she would like to accompany you. During that time, continue the conversation you had and see how compatible you are and if there is chemistry.
I am not overthinking, I am trying to communicate the thought that though I was the one who was nervous and not sure what to do, she clearly wants to see me again, but while I am interested in "being friends," I am not sure I feel any particular attraction.
I don't know what went wrong inside or out that put me decades behind that I am like a 15 year old going to a first high school dance but this is just the way things are.
I don't know what went wrong inside or out that put me decades behind that I am like a 15 year old going to a first high school dance but this is just the way things are.
So think of things you think are fun, and see if she would like to accompany you. During that time, continue the conversation you had and see how compatible you are and if there is chemistry.
I was hoping to keep going but somewhere else.
Does "chemistry" really exist? What does this mean?
She is a nice person and it's great we are both interested in pre-Roman English history and I am extremely flattered someone has continued interest in me and would entertain the possibility of some very casual private time but not sure we are compatible beyond that.
So, a successful date but still at zero.
Which is fine, I can't believe I pulled even that off.
But now the uncertainly settles on where to keep going if that is what I am supposed to be doing.
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