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So….I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been up and down but recently lots of downs.
I have been thinking about leaving for good… but, I have procrastinated and talked myself out of it many times.
My fiancé is a high energy man with a lot of control and power. He’s 51 years old. he’s been Married before and has 3 older children.
About a year ago — I got pregnant and eventually had a miscarriage. While I was pregnant - he said some powerful words. He said that ‘his child’ would always take priority over my son from a previous marriage (he’s now 10) and I share 50/50 custody with my ex.
He told me he wasn’t going to ‘be my bit*h’ and that he was not the type to watch a baby… and then said he didn’t support me getting a nanny part time to help me so I could continue with my business.
He made fun of me for being lethargic and sick and told me that morning sickness only happened in the morning… and he thought I was faking the fact that I was sick in the evening too.
Of course, there were days he was very excited about having a baby with me. He was very sweet. He often said he was excited to see what he or she looked like. But I secretly became very scared of what was about to happen.
Well I was 40 and I had a miscarriage and I felt God did a bit of a favor to me in a very sad way…. of course.
Here I sit about a year later and I’m about to turn 42. I've been on birth control. But, I am 6 days late for my period and haven’t felt right. I went and took a pregnancy test and was relieved yesterday that it was negative.
However it was in the evening. I woke up feeling ill again and took the other one in the box with first morning urine. I saw a VERY faint line.
I am kind of in shock. I’m guessing knowing my age and my history most likely I will have a miscarriage, but what if I don’t?
I haven’t told him about this and I’m wondering what to do — or if I should.
I’m Catholic and have never supported abortion, but now I’m thinking how terrible a baby’s life would be in this circumstance.
It’s crazy because earlier this month I saw friends posting pics of babies on social and thought I am too old now and wasted too much time in this relationship. Could he be a good father? His past doesn’t show that.
He left his first wife when she was pregnant with their 3rd child. He seems to enjoy children and he’s pretty good with my son — but he gets jealous of time taken away from him. So, I’m nervous.
What do I do? What do I think? Need support and have no one to talk to.
Second, regardless of whether you are pregnant or not, listen to yourself and get away from this guy, even if you have to move away completely.
You can always put the new kid up for adoption, or raise it yourself. No one is going to be the better for putting up with this guy - not you or any of the kids.
I agree with fleetiebelle; get in to see a doc ASAP. The sooner you get diagnosed, the sooner you can schedule a procedure. If you're able to schedule it within 1 month of your missed period, it's not even called an abortion. It's classified as a "menstrual extraction". I don't know if that helps you, regarding to your religious moral dilemma. But in any case, it's less of a shock to the system, because your hormonal changes and the zygote/fetus development aren't far along at all. Find out who the abortion providers are, in your area, today. Because many clinics have closed over the decades, there can be few choices, which may mean scheduling delays.
I think you're wise to consider this route, in view of the situation. I also think, that as soon as this crisis passes, you should get out of the relationship. I'm sure this has crossed your mind.
OP, one last comment: would you by any chance have thyroid issues? Thyroid patients tend to have difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term. Not all thyroid patients, but a much higher percentage than in the general population. Just thought I'd ask.
I don’t endorse getting an abortion, under any circumstances, but that’s your decision. The issue here however isn’t the baby - it’s him. I’d ditch the man before the baby, he sounds controlling and capricious and jealous.
I haven't taken my medication for hypo in a couple of weeks. I immediately called for
a refill today. I was thinking intitially that was my problem - until I saw the faint line -- that can't be a mistake....including my sick stomach today
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I agree with fleetiebelle; get in to see a doc ASAP. The sooner you get diagnosed, the sooner you can schedule a procedure. If you're able to schedule it within 1 month of your missed period, it's not even called an abortion. It's classified as a "menstrual extraction". I don't know if that helps you, regarding to your religious moral dilemma. But in any case, it's less of a shock to the system, because your hormonal changes and the zygote/fetus development aren't far along at all. Find out who the abortion providers are, in your area, today. Because many clinics have closed over the decades, there can be few choices, which may mean scheduling delays.
I think you're wise to consider this route, in view of the situation. I also think, that as soon as this crisis passes, you should get out of the relationship. I'm sure this has crossed your mind.
OP, one last comment: would you by any chance have thyroid issues? Thyroid patients tend to have difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term. Not all thyroid patients, but a much higher percentage than in the general population. Just thought I'd ask.
I don’t endorse getting an abortion, under any circumstances, but that’s your decision. The issue here however isn’t the baby - it’s him. I’d ditch the man before the baby, he sounds controlling and capricious and jealous.
She's not asking for your endorsement...
Yes confirm the pregnancy, yes or no.
Carefully consider options, discuss in depth with someone you trust....do you have supportive family you can turn to in this situation? Can you move in with someone who cares about you? Are you ready to leave him???
Pregnant or not, this man has already shown you who he is...abusive, selfish, controlling.....
I have the ability to support myself -- I have a very good job etc. I do NOT Have family that will be supportive...they are extremely Catholic and will not talk to me about any options.
In fact they will be angry that I'm unmarried and pregnant.
And yeah -- this type of situation makes me realize what I'm really dealing with -- enough denial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron
She's not asking for your endorsement...
Yes confirm the pregnancy, yes or no.
Carefully consider options, discuss in depth with someone you trust....do you have supportive family you can turn to in this situation? Can you move in with someone who cares about you? Are you ready to leave him???
Pregnant or not, this man has already shown you who he is...abusive, selfish, controlling.....
And yeah -- this type of situation makes me realize what I'm really dealing with -- enough denial.
Finally.
Well, at least that's one for the "plus" column.
I would find out if you're actually pregnant, and if you are, I would seriously consider terminating the pregnancy. Then make an appointment with a psychologist because you need one whether or not you are pregnant.
Then I would break up with the a-hole and never look back.
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