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I look at it like this...my g/f and I are about equal in terms of attractiveness. I am a bit thinner than her but we match well. If she wanted to she could go out to a club or bar and get at least 5 numbers every single night. If she wanted to she could easily go out on a date, not pay for anything and get offered sex or relationships.
Guys have to remember, women can meet a lot of men but poor quality men who lie, are full of b.s and want to hit it and quit it. You can't have a defeated mind set when you are dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by foster913
When I go out to a bar or club setting I notice only the top 10% looking guys who dress like they have money get almost all of the women's attention. I could maybe get one number at the end of the night if I was lucky. It is easy to see that women have the upper hand from where I stand...unless you are super attractive guy or have great income.
Don't go to a bar or club to meet women where there is tons of competition and men out number women. Also, if you were to meet someone at a bar or club and want to start a relationship, don't expect them to stop going to bars and clubs while seeing you.
Second, The guys that are dressed up like they have money are creating attraction. More than likely they are not rich. Just carrying themselves "pea cocking" to attract more women than the average schmo.
The issue here is whether or not you are financially able to be present and participant in children's lives. Being young doesn't matter if you are working all the time unable to participate because you are working all the time; children don't understand that. Children have a remarkable understanding of a parent's limits as long as they are participating... that they will understand. Age doesn't necessarily mean you are lacking as a father.... Neither is not being physically able to coach a football team. There is more to being a father than the measure of your athletic ability.
I don't worship his status. sheesh people. The whole point of my original response/post is lost because you all just itching to argue on a tangent.
Here is the original response:
Financial stability is meaningless to a child when their elderly dad is dead, and they aren't even a fully formed adult yet. You can focus your laser on financial stability as if that is the only aspect to becoming a parent, no one said you can't.
Making responsible choices, like not fathering children when you are already granddaddy age, is another aspect worthy of consideration, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.
Financial stability is meaningless to a child when their elderly dad is dead, and they aren't even a fully formed adult yet. You can focus your laser on financial stability as if that is the only aspect to becoming a parent, no one said you can't.
Making responsible choices, like not fathering children when you are already granddaddy age, is another aspect worthy of consideration, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.
Elderly? Average life expectancy of a US male is 78.... If death is concern, then police, military, and other dangerous occupations should also be a concern...
I've never seen this in a man pertaining to a certain age. My financial advisor just had his first kid at 50. My father had my brother well into his 40s. As families have kids later in life, the men are also settle for women later.
I generally observe this when they actually settle down with a woman at any age. Not the other way around. If anything a major factor on whether or not he finds that woman to pull in the reigns its financial stability. That often is coming in later in life as woman find themselves also in a position of financial stability... and less likely to settle for someone of lesser.
The dating game's outcome is highly dependent on the woman. That's why men historically went go through great lengths to impress their dates (after they've already been "chosen" by the woman).
Human nature evolves very slowly. Culture evolves very quickly. The way the mating game operates is very effective at furthering human race... even if culture that evolved around it sometimes conflicts with it.
Well then you are in the minority, as the overwhelming majority of people marry within 5 years of one another, a majority of first-marrieds are age 29 (male) and 27 (female), and YES, guys stop picking the girl they "just want to" do in favor of a woman who brings a lot more stability to the table once they make the switch from partying to "I really want to settle down now."
And again, age-wise, if you're seeing your folks just starting this at 40 or 50, you are in the very significant minority.
Your story is interesting and I fully believe it for your specific circle, although it is opposite to what happens to a vast majority of individuals.
Financial stability is meaningless to a child when their elderly dad is dead, and they aren't even a fully formed adult yet. You can focus your laser on financial stability as if that is the only aspect to becoming a parent, no one said you can't.
Making responsible choices, like not fathering children when you are already granddaddy age, is another aspect worthy of consideration, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.
Age of marriage and particularly for having a first child isn't just down to when physically you can expect to die. MOST of us are failing during that time; MOST of us do not have 30-year-old vigor into our late 70s. A few? Yeah. A lot? Just no. Look at health and illness statistics for reference. It's all pretty clear. Especially with our overwhelmingly cruddy diets, the weight issue, and so on. It's not like most people will be 77 one day and literally running after a toddler for hours each day, then at 78 a timer goes off and bang, that unbelievably, crazily vital person just drops to the ground. It's more than just "when the person dies." What about before?
Nor is it down to just a feeling of the possibility of death in general. We ALL know a perfectly healthy, fertile 29-year-old could get struck by a bus. Or horrifically surprised with leukemia. Or killed in war. That's not some giant secret. And have we all known a man or woman to hold on into very old age? Well, sure. My grandfather-in-law lived to just before his 100th birthday and was using a walker until within 6 months of his death when he finally gave up stubbornness and went to a chair. For his age he was pretty vital. But come on. He was an outlier.
Anyway, it is also down to what the man wants. And the majority of men I met who were married by 35-ish at the latest (and that's most, for a first marriage certainly; or some, still married) have said things to the effect of "I didn't want to be 50 with a toddler, I hardly have patience right now for a baby and I'm only 29/32/35/whatever."
Whether or not anyone wants to argue the validity of someone being more tired at 50 than at 25, whether or not we have our own personal anecdotes of how we're "in the best shape of our lives, no, srsly!!" at 50 or 55 or 60 or whatever, whether we know isolated cases of Mr. or Mrs. Super Healthy, it is the idea of being older and having a very young child and then not having that child raised to self-sufficiency before a certain age (for the father) to enjoy retirement, etc., that seems to be the motivating factor. Just as it may be the idea of becoming less fertile after a certain age that can be a motivating factor. Perhaps that man will be incredibly vital at 70. Perhaps that woman will still be ovulating and getting a regular period at 50. But they're not able to see into the future. It is this "idea" that drives people...an idea of a basic time frame, and of their perception of getting older.
Effectively it works out to the same: people don't routinely get married for the first time at 45 and have a first child at 50...nope, not even men. Not routinely. Not even a comfortable minority (say, 25%). Rather, a pretty significant minority. Male AND female.
I look at it like this...my g/f and I are about equal in terms of attractiveness. I am a bit thinner than her but we match well. If she wanted to she could go out to a club or bar and get at least 5 numbers every single night. If she wanted to she could easily go out on a date, not pay for anything and get offered sex or relationships. When I go out to a bar or club setting I notice only the top 10% looking guys who dress like they have money get almost all of the women's attention. I could maybe get one number at the end of the night if I was lucky. It is easy to see that women have the upper hand from where I stand...unless you are super attractive guy or have great income.
I love how you subtly neg her there, even just describing her to strangers.
Is that how you keep her with you? How you make sure she doesn't think she can do better? 'Cause what if she wakes up one day and does go out and find one of those other "five numbers" will be a better "match," in her opinion? This is JUST insecurity. It's easy to see this by that last sentence, if not the whole thing.
Don't be so insecure. If she loves you she does. If she doesn't she'll be gone. Nothing can really change that. Well, except you trying to be very good to her, which can be a help and which won't drive her away like the negging ultimately will.
This again, though, is not down to "dating" being easier. Just getting used for a few minutes, potentially with no concern for the girl's satisfaction, then forgotten...yeah...sure...she can go to some bar and get some offers. But the subject is really about dating. Do you consider that dating? Do you consider some drunk dude going up to a girl to literally ask to do 'er, and maybe she'll drunkenly say no, a risk, an approach, and disappointment? I don't think this word dating means what you think it means.
Just a heads-up for you, count that one as free. Next time I charge ya!
I love how you subtly neg her there, even just describing her to strangers.
Is that how you keep her with you? How you make sure she doesn't think she can do better? 'Cause what if she wakes up one day and does go out and find one of those other "five numbers" will be a better "match," in her opinion? This is JUST insecurity. It's easy to see this by that last sentence, if not the whole thing.
Don't be so insecure. If she loves you she does. If she doesn't she'll be gone. Nothing can really change that. Well, except you trying to be very good to her, which can be a help and which won't drive her away like the negging ultimately will.
This again, though, is not down to "dating" being easier. Just getting used for a few minutes, potentially with no concern for the girl's satisfaction, then forgotten...yeah...sure...she can go to some bar and get some offers. But the subject is really about dating. Do you consider that dating? Do you consider some drunk dude going up to a girl to literally ask to do 'er, and maybe she'll drunkenly say no, a risk, an approach, and disappointment? I don't think this word dating means what you think it means.
Just a heads-up for you, count that one as free. Next time I charge ya!
But in terms of who has it easier in the beginning at least..if the women has more options that's a better chance to find the right match then someone with less options..
Plus don't you think with women getting tons of attention on old and likes on social media etc that that type of attention could inflate ones ego? It's human nature
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
But in terms of who has it easier in the beginning at least..if the women has more options that's a better chance to find the right match then someone with less options..
Plus don't you think with women getting tons of attention on old and likes on social media etc that that type of attention could inflate ones ego? It's human nature
It may inflate one's ego, it can also be tiring and harassing and take a toll that way. Loads of my lady friends hate going out on the town and being hit on overly much, or in a crass way. They hate all the disrespectful messages and objectification they receive online.
It may inflate one's ego, it can also be tiring and harassing and take a toll that way. Loads of my lady friends hate going out on the town and being hit on overly much, or in a crass way. They hate all the disrespectful messages and objectification they receive online.
Grass isn't always greener.
The men who want to complain that women have it easier are often selective in the criteria they use, to be sure. They also view women's experiences through a typical male lens, where receiving overt appreciation is fairly rare. Men who get little or no spontaneous appreciation, and very little when they essentially ask for it by trying to engage a woman, can be forgiven I think for envying the relative ease with which some can access that appreciation. Especially the benign kind of envy that's really just a longing for something they can't have. I don't have time for the malignant kind of envy that wants to see women lose something.
I'm not suggesting that their assessment is complete, but there is a ring of truth to it from the perspective of men who struggle a bit. Probably more so for men who struggle more than a bit.
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