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BUT, that is not the only issue. She is hard for you to get along with, family finds her hard to get along with, and her co-workers find her hard to get along with.
That would lead me to believe she is hard to get along with. This is why I am pro-living together.
The situation is further complicated by her thinking her behavior is okay and it is everyone else's problem - that's hard to work with to find solutions.
You can try counseling, but I suspect that you should not marry her.
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She's saying I need the counseling before she'll consider couples counseling. I won't disagree with that, I know areas I need to work on and counseling may help even though I can identify my faults, guess I need a new prospective on how to approach things differently which I value. I know I'm no where near perfect and any insight will be appreciated.
The reason I'm here isn't to talk to down to the woman I proposed to or trying to dig up evidence to prove something, though in a way I am digging and ignoring my gut feelings.
Today I think I have my head and feelings straight. Last night I triggered her again, she had been drinking her wine. We had a great weekend together enjoying our time relaxed all day Saturday and tagged teamed cleaning the house yesterday (Sunday). She had bought be a twin pack of spare ribs so we decided we'll have that for dinner. After prep put the two racks of ribs on the smoker and let her know roughly when they'll be done for her to start the sides. Pulled the ribs off, she had the sides done, and she asked me if I put the ducks away, I forgot. Before dishing up she went outside with the dogs to heard the ducks back in the coop. As I went outside to help, i remembered i had the back door shut to the coop which we normally have open but due to the rain there was a big puddle so I had the front door open for them. As I got outside to correct the ducks and to communicate to her that that the front door was open, she took offense that I didn't say anything and that I just got in her way. So she storms off inside the hous. The ducks went inside the coop hassle free, sometimes they veer off track. As she storms off she called me stupid 2, 3 maybe 4 times. I took offense to called her on it, and the ranting began. We ate dinner after I took our plates in the kitchen but didn't put any dishes away and didn't tell her I was going to do it later. So she rants at me some more that I didn't put the dishes and cleaned up after dinner. We're back in bed after she put everything away with a temper and I mentioned to her if she'll apologize for calling me stupid. That pissed her so she went about how I never apologized to about some things I've said to my parents and her mom, yes there is an apology owed to her on my behalf. She continues stating how she made me stronger but talking down to me how I'm not a man, how coward and not speak my mind.
Anyway. After that I understand why I Am the way I am. And that's trust.
...talking down to me how I'm not a man, how coward and not speak my mind.
I would have walked out when she said this ^^^.
It's very arrogant of her to say she won't go to counseling until you go to individual therapy. Yes, you need to sort out your own issues, but it's obvious she has some major problems with you and your relationship that SHE is not "speaking her mind" about but instead choosing to let it come out in angry bursts whenever something annoying like the ducks or the dishes comes up.
Insist that you get couples therapy, or be prepared to move out. She does not respect you.
If she talks and treats you this way now it will only get worse later. Guaranteed. Your relationship sounds about as abrasive as sandpaper. You two need to have a serious discussion as to whether or not you are going to or should stay together.
Sounds awful. Dont forget she is at her best behavior now, and will get much much worse after the wedding. I would personally call off the wedding and get the heck away as far as possible from this woman.
what does bible say on this topic?
Proverbs 21:9 ESV
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:19 ESV / 293 helpful votes
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
Proverbs 27:15 ESV / 257 helpful votes
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;
At this point Belle, there's not much left of me, only little fragments of moments I cherish most about her when enjoyed each other. Emotional damage has been done and that spark is dimmer each day.
The point I wanted to make earlier is trust and respect for each other has diminished, trust is earned and respect is given. There's been a few occasions regarding trust, I called her out twice once early in our relationship and second later on when I was questioning something. First time when brought it up if she was cheating, I may not have had the best approach to the situation but all I remember was her reaction seemed defensive and a bit of attitude. Second time, she was using my phone which was fine as I have nothing to hide, but left on my browser was a website how to tell if your partner is cheating on you, this was months after I confronted her and sadly I wasn't convinced. When she saw that if I remember correctly her initial reaction was shock, she wasn't as defensive at first, but we talked and she was trying to reassure me that I am her only love blah blah. Still not convinced as my trust all ready has gone down from the first time, but I had been trying to move forward with trust. Since my first insecure thoughts, I've always had a gut tumbling feelings, something wasn't right, but I did my best to ignore it and move forward with our relationship.
Until last night after our rant, the gut feeling was still there and I finally did what I think is very wrong. I woke up hearing the puppy nosing in the trash and couldn't fall back asleep grabbed a beer and sat outside playing a game. I saw her phone there and I started digging with hesitation. I dug little over a month ago went I left on a weekday night, and saw a text to our neighbor who there were friends years before I came along, she also hooked him up with on of her friends and they have been dating ever since, 3 years or so about 2 years before I came along.
Don't take this the wrong way when I say this, but you caused all of this by letting her walk all over you.
You have trained and conditioned her to basically yell and speak down to you, and with your laidback nature, you just take it. Essentially, she feels like she's wearing the pants in this relationship because you are letting her. You need to communicate with her and let you know it bothers you. But you just are a walking mat to her and you aren't really doing anything about it.
I say either get couples counseling, or find a new girl. 2 years isn't a super long time anyway so it could be best for you to end this one now, because the way I see it, she literally doesn't even consider you to be a man anymore and is texting other dudes about cheating so.....
After seeing that I'm flattered. Our neighbors periodically stay at the cabin but live separately at their own homes.
I never trusted the guy as he's 53 years old dating a 30 year old for 3/4 years. I'm wondering if she seriously sees him behind my back when I don't give her the attention she wants.
OK well at this point I have no idea why you are still there.
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