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Old 02-08-2018, 08:47 AM
 
1,912 posts, read 1,136,912 times
Reputation: 3229

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When I went to log in to my email this morning, I see articles when I open my browser and this one caught my eye. I thought it might be helpful for some and interesting for others. I will summarize a bit as well.

It’s basically an opinion piece (not science) but I see my relationship in this list and we've been happily in love for three years now and our relationship only seems to grow stronger. So I agree with the author, I think he makes some good points.

For those of you in what you feel are successful relationships, do you see these things as well? Or if not, what do you disagree with?

https://ideapod.com/every-successful...exact-reasons/


1. Being together for the right reasons.This boils down to deep, real admiration for each other. Not being in a relationship to for selfish reasons

(Mod cut: just the first couple lines from outside material)

Last edited by Mikala43; 02-08-2018 at 11:44 AM..
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,630 posts, read 9,080,305 times
Reputation: 9508
All very true - ignore these at your peril! Unfortunately, there are a lot of selfish or damaged people, so not everyone can expect to have a successful relationship.
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:13 AM
 
235 posts, read 112,715 times
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# 2 is important, most people I read here thinks being in love/relationship is living a fairy tale or dream, that you will be happy 24/7, LOL.

When we fight we have screaming matches. Especially me coz I mostly tolerate his behavior but once he reach a certain point, I blow up and I honestly don't care where we are. Unfortunately it's always in public and I honestly don't care.

Right away though, I feel better and since I let out all my anger, I can forgive him. And move on.
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:24 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 15,675,340 times
Reputation: 36952
Compromise. OP, was that covered?
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:37 AM
 
1,912 posts, read 1,136,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
Compromise. OP, was that covered?
Not as it’s own separate topic, but it kind of falls under fighting and forgiving as well as a few of the other topics. Perhaps it should be listed separately.
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:39 AM
 
11,369 posts, read 4,422,197 times
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#5 and #6 stand out a lot to me.


My husband and I came into our marriage as two grown-ass people, with well developed likes and dislikes, hobbies, etc. I'm not interested in changing who he is, and he's not interested in changing who I am.


But I will say this...it's icing on the cake, if you help your partner (and he helps you) enjoy his hobbies, interests, etc. For instance, one of my hobbies is gardening. One year, I bought myself one of those pop up type of greenhouses and put it together myself. A couple of months later, a severe storm blew the whole thing onto my patio. And...a couple of months later, my sweetie built me a good and solid greenhouse. That's the kind of stuff that will make a girl's heart go pitter patter. Not just that my interests are 'tolerated' or 'allowed', but encouraged, and aided.


He's always helped my hobbies along. Like now...I'm into making jewelry. So he set up work space in the basement, with a work table, good lighting, and some drawers and nooks to store stuff. I don't ask him to do this stuff...he just volunteers and does it. That means a lot to me.
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:38 AM
Status: "2021. Like 2020, but can legally drink." (set 15 days ago)
 
7,829 posts, read 3,632,474 times
Reputation: 23772
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind View Post
When I went to log in to my email this morning, I see articles when I open my browser and this one caught my eye. I thought it might be helpful for some and interesting for others. I will summarize a bit as well.

It’s basically an opinion piece (not science) but I see my relationship in this list and we've been happily in love for three years now and our relationship only seems to grow stronger. So I agree with the author, I think he makes some good points.

For those of you in what you feel are successful relationships, do you see these things as well? Or if not, what do you disagree with?

https://ideapod.com/every-successful...exact-reasons/


1. Being together for the right reasons.This boils down to deep, real admiration for each other. Not being in a relationship to for selfish reasons

2. Having realistic expectations. I thought the one really interesting example is realizing that someone else can not make you happy and be your entire world.

3. Respecting each other.

4. Openly talking about everything, even if it hurts.

5. A healthy and happy relationship requires two happy and healthy individuals. Key point being each person needs their own identity, interests, and perspective. Don't give up the person you are or expect your partner to.

6. Give each other space. This seems to go with number 5 really. Fear of giving someone space is a type of control.

7. Embrace that you and your partner will change in time. People grow and change over time. Good relationships grow to accept the change.

8. Be good at fighting (in other words, you will butt heads, be respectful of each other and don't be critical or defensive).

9. Be good at forgiving. See #8, you are going to disagree. Learn to forgive as well.

10. Sex matters. Sex will vary with couples and individuals. It's important that both people feel sexually satisfied.
I usually don't care for lists like these, but this is a pretty good one.

On this forum, you see the same posters day after day with the same problems. Some have been on here for years. They can't find a relationship worth a damn, but they also refuse to change their behavior and attitudes. It never occurs to them that they are pretty undesirable long-term partners because they are negative, self-centered, and have a list of demands as long as their arms.

I mean, it's almost it's like a shtick on their parts, that they have to cling to their idiotic worldview, even if it means a lonely life.
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:41 AM
 
3,323 posts, read 2,677,157 times
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As much as I agree, sometime it just doesn't work. Maybe that's the reason why divorce rate is so high?
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:49 AM
Status: "2021. Like 2020, but can legally drink." (set 15 days ago)
 
7,829 posts, read 3,632,474 times
Reputation: 23772
Quote:
Originally Posted by nybklyn View Post
As much as I agree, sometime it just doesn't work. Maybe that's the reason why divorce rate is so high?
A lot of that is driven by age. The divorce rate is very high if you marry in your late teens or early twenties. If you get married by the time you're 20, your chance of being divorced within five years is something like 32%. If you marry in your early 30s, that number drops to 14%.

That's because people gain maturity with time.
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Durham, NC
25,154 posts, read 36,041,151 times
Reputation: 35680
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind View Post
When I went to log in to my email this morning, I see articles when I open my browser and this one caught my eye. I thought it might be helpful for some and interesting for others. I will summarize a bit as well.

It’s basically an opinion piece (not science) but I see my relationship in this list and we've been happily in love for three years now and our relationship only seems to grow stronger. So I agree with the author, I think he makes some good points.

For those of you in what you feel are successful relationships, do you see these things as well? Or if not, what do you disagree with?

https://ideapod.com/every-successful...exact-reasons/


1. Being together for the right reasons.This boils down to deep, real admiration for each other. Not being in a relationship to for selfish reasons

2. Having realistic expectations. I thought the one really interesting example is realizing that someone else can not make you happy and be your entire world.

3. Respecting each other.

4. Openly talking about everything, even if it hurts.

5. A healthy and happy relationship requires two happy and healthy individuals. Key point being each person needs their own identity, interests, and perspective. Don't give up the person you are or expect your partner to.

6. Give each other space. This seems to go with number 5 really. Fear of giving someone space is a type of control.

7. Embrace that you and your partner will change in time. People grow and change over time. Good relationships grow to accept the change.

8. Be good at fighting (in other words, you will butt heads, be respectful of each other and don't be critical or defensive).

9. Be good at forgiving. See #8, you are going to disagree. Learn to forgive as well.

10. Sex matters. Sex will vary with couples and individuals. It's important that both people feel sexually satisfied.
1. Made the mistake of getting into a relationship just to say I have a gf. Never again.
2. Agreed. Self-Awareness is critical.
3. Nothing is worse to a man than feeling his partner has no respect for him.
4. Being honest even when it isn’t gonna be popular is a life skill IMO.
5. I’m working on being emotionally healthy so I won’t have the issues that reared themselves with my ex. Which is why I’m not actively seeking now.
6. When I need space and I say it, take my word for it.
7. Fair enough.
8. Boy, I need to work on this.
9. This is the one I struggle with. I admit I have a tendency to give up too easy mainly because I’m used to being single, so breaking a connection doesn’t really phase me. I know I gonna get better and not be so stone-hearted when someone does me wrong and get my pride out of the way.
10. Yes I’m still a virgin.
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