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** sorry title should say 12 years older - can't seem to edit title **
I'm with my man now nearly 3 years and we've had a few break ups but got back together. I'm 43, he's 55 and I really enjoy his company, he's so honest, kind, caring and loving but I'm bored in the relationship.
I wish he was more outgoing and we just do the same thing every weekend and I feel like I'm wasting my life! I've told him this at the last break up and he said he'd definitely try and do more things together and go out more but it rarely happens.
I'm at a stage where I want more from it and to get out more and travel abit but he seems to be happy to sit indoors! I really don't know what to do and part of me says he's so honest, loyal and loving etc that I find it hard to let him go as he treats me with so much love and respect!! Then I worry if I do break it off I mightn't get a man as honest and loving as him!
Any advice so welcome as I'm confused and it's causing me Anxiety!
Joanne
I do not see this relationship working out. You sound as if you’re describing a dog.
You must weigh this relationship against the possibility that you will never meet anyone you find more compatible, but if I were you I would live my life the way I want, and if another man comes along, great, but if not, I’d still be living the life I want.
This nice man you are with, deserves better than a woman who always finds him lacking.
By parting ways you will have the freedom to pursue a man who's a better fit for you. However, at the same time, you can end up pursuing a man who's much worse, or you never meet that man that truly lights your fire. I'm not saying you should stay with your current guy, for lack of a better word content, but when you leave, make sure you're willing to leave for good. Don't leave for a couple months, realize the dating world isn't what you hoped it would be, and then go crawling back. I say all this to come to this conclusion. Leave because you're not happy with him, but feel that you can find this happiness on your own. There's no guarantee that you'll find a better match or worse match. You should leave him, because you feel you can find better happiness on your own, even if it means by yourself.
By parting ways you will have the freedom to pursue a man who's a better fit for you. However, at the same time, you can end up pursuing a man who's much worse, or you never meet that man that truly lights your fire. I'm not saying you should stay with your current guy, for lack of a better word content, but when you leave, make sure you're willing to leave for good. Don't leave for a couple months, realize the dating world isn't what you hoped it would be, and then go crawling back. I say all this to come to this conclusion. Leave because you're not happy with him, but feel that you can find this happiness on your own. There's no guarantee that you'll find a better match or worse match. You should leave him, because you feel you can find better happiness on your own, even if it means by yourself.
Yeah we're finished and it's for the best, if I'm not happy I think that answers it all!
Gonna share some wisdom from my prolific polyamorous dating friends here. The "spark" was NRE. "New Relationship Energy." It's when you're all excited about somebody, and they seem perfect, because they are new. It naturally does fade and simmer down. That is normal. What you're left with, is what you're likely to keep. It might be enough, or maybe not. But while you should not expect that "spark" to keep on bein' sparky necessarily, you should, after NRE fades, still have enough in common that you can enjoy life together. Enough to keep you happy to have this person in your life. Or the ability to get your needs met with others, with your partner being happy and ok with that. (I mean your need to do outdoor fun stuff.) If you weren't getting your needs met, because it was with him or not at all, and that meant not at all, then yeah...incompatibility.
Don't blame his age, though. I'm with a man who is nearly 60, I'm 39, and I can hardly keep up with him. We go do lots of things. Parties almost every weekend, conventions, cabin trips to the mountains, hot springs, you name it. Lots of men are still full of adventure at older ages. It's just that the one you were with, as others have said, was a homebody. And you aren't.
Not fighting does not a good relationship make. Life is too short to just keep on keeping on, in ways that aren't true to yourself, just because you aren't fighting. I mean, if you needed each other to survive, or had a family together, or if the thought of being alone seemed a lot worse to you...then yeah, trying to make it work would make sense. But you made your choice, so obviously...you knew where your heart was at.
Just don't a.) chalk it up to age alone, or b.) expect that initial high of NRE to be lasting, or base serious relationship decisions on it either. It's fun, but it's kind of illusory and chemical in nature. You have to look past it, to see the real stuff.
I don't think it's just age either. It sounds like it's his basic personality. I'm 50 and I can't imagine not getting up and running all around the place at every opportunity.
It's reasonable to assume, though, that this will only increase with age. In other words, except under certain circumstances we don't tend to get more physically active with age. So if she feels like this when he's only in his 50s, imagine in his 60s? At 70? These two just don't fit each other.
I don't think it's just age either. It sounds like it's his basic personality. I'm 50 and I can't imagine not getting up and running all around the place at every opportunity.
It's reasonable to assume, though, that this will only increase with age. In other words, except under certain circumstances we don't tend to get more physically active with age. So if she feels like this when he's only in his 50s, imagine in his 60s? At 70? These two just don't fit each other.
Well. And people usually don't just flip their whole personalities around at that stage, either.
Unless of course, they are David Bowie.
He could be anyone he wanted, anytime he liked.
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