Is never being told "I love you" a reason to dump someone? (dates, men)
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Those three words have been thrown around so much that they've become meaningless. Words have power and they must be used sparingly.
Despite my well deserved reputation around these parts, I have said them and almost immediately wondered why I opened my big yap. In retrospect she wasn't concerned about my feelings in the least but certainly liked the attention I gave her.
If you're going to say I love you, it's not unreasonable to hope the other person will return the sentiment. I didn't get that luxury and will be bloody careful about doing it again.
I know actions speak louder than words, but words mean things. I guess my love language is "Words of affirmation", because I am someone who needs to be verbally validated from time to time. I know my boyfriend cared about me, but I just wanted him to vocalize it. I waited and I waited, but to no avail. It hurt me, because there are people who get into committed relationships and say ILY within 3 months, and we've been dating longer than that, and I still never heard it.
I know what you're thinking, did I say it? No. I didn't say it because I wanted him to be first. I find something shoddy about a woman saying it first. Like, how do i know the guy isn't just saying to mirror me?
People kept asking me if he told me he loved me yet, and I was starting to feel bad. I was getting funny looks, and it was filling me with uncertainty.
But anyways, I dumped him. He hasn't responded, which I guess confirms my feelings... or his lack of.
It really doesn't matter what other people do. There is no set timeline for saying "I love you," and if there were, three months of dating certainly would not be the benchmark.
Essentially, you broke up with your boyfriend because he didn't meet your expectations....expectations of which he presumably was unaware.
You say "he hasn't responded" which means this "dumping" did not take place in person. Another oddity considering the relationship was so advanced that you expected to hear "I love you."
It really doesn't matter what other people do. There is no set timeline for saying "I love you," and if there were, three months of dating certainly would not be the benchmark.
Essentially, you broke up with your boyfriend because he didn't meet your expectations....expectations of which he presumably was unaware.
You say "he hasn't responded" which means this "dumping" did not take place in person. Another oddity considering the relationship was so advanced that you expected to hear "I love you."
Watching people here is
disheartening - seeing so many foolish thoughts and behaviors
heartening - lowers the bar for what I have to do to set myself apart from the herd
It's nobody else's business how you handle your personal affairs.
People asking you if he said it yet is petty, rude, intrusive, and uncalled for.
I don't know how I would feel if an SO never told me he loved. Would I break up with him? I doubt it. I'm not big on expressing my feelings either. I definitely don't say it unless I mean it.
But with situations like that, it doesn't hurt to talk about it. If you feel he would just things to make you happy and not because he genuinely meant it to begin with, it was wise to end things with him.
This type of stuff rests solely on the people involved.
Went out with a guy almost 18 months and he never said it. Yet he talked about things like marriage and getting a house together all the time - not stuff that I brought up, trust me. I dumped him, and he simultaneously almost hyperventilated and threw up. I'd said I love you at the 6 month mark without the expectation of it being said in return. after almost a year passing without hearing it and this guy still talking like we had a future, I just had enough.
He did love me. But there was a control and vulnerability issue there that I wasn't really interested in dealing with.
That is something you can't rush, if you know in your heart he loves you and you can feel it physically then what's the problem.
Also you said you were waiting for him to say I love you first?
You dumping him basically is telling him to kick rocks. Why should he even bother contacting you after you dump him especially because he didn't say " I love you". Can I ask how old you are?
Also you should never assume you know how another person feels, people make huge mistakes thinking they know how another is feeling when they don't even care to ask. Communication is HUGE in a relationship and it's clear your's didn't have much.
If you feel that the guy needs to say I love you first then you might be waiting a very long time for that. If you are in love then just tell him, this is the 21st century it happens all the time.
You should ALWAYS have great communication that is the foundation for a great relationship. He can't read your mind , maybe he wanted to say it but felt that you didn't love him and because of that look at where you are now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Q.U.E.E.N
I know actions speak louder than words, but words mean things. I guess my love language is "Words of affirmation", because I am someone who needs to be verbally validated from time to time. I know my boyfriend cared about me, but I just wanted him to vocalize it. I waited and I waited, but to no avail. It hurt me, because there are people who get into committed relationships and say ILY within 3 months, and we've been dating longer than that, and I still never heard it.
I know what you're thinking, did I say it? No. I didn't say it because I wanted him to be first. I find something shoddy about a woman saying it first. Like, how do i know the guy isn't just saying to mirror me?
People kept asking me if he told me he loved me yet, and I was starting to feel bad. I was getting funny looks, and it was filling me with uncertainty.
But anyways, I dumped him. He hasn't responded, which I guess confirms my feelings... or his lack of.
The point is saying 'I love you' in casual dating and casual dating of short duration (and long duration) dilutes and diminishes the meaning, importance, and depth of saying it.
One does NOT love every person one happens to date.
As before, 'I love you' should be reserved for someone you wish to partner with or marry.
Having sex with a person does not automatically equate to loving a person nor does having sex necessitate that love exist.
Saying 'I love you' seems to be so diluted and diminished too with all the rampant excess of saying 'love you' at the end of most every cellphone conversation including saying it to very casual friends or undeveloped relationships of all types at the end of cellphone conversations. People are rampantly looking for validation and always hope people will say 'love you' back to them at the end of cellphone conversations.
It can be and often is even a test.
Last edited by matisse12; 02-13-2018 at 03:40 PM..
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Never assume how another feels
