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Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,767,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MajulaDream
This was right after I had ordered an $18 Halibut..So yeah. I didn't say anything to her as I wanted to be polite, but ouch that's a punch to my wallet.
Tonight was our first dinner together and she didn't offer to help pay the bill either. To be fair she did offer me a piece, and also it is Valentines and I am the one who asked her out. She was excited about going out too..
I'm torn on why the sticker shock is bugging me, I keep thinking about it. I feel like the date was fun and she is incredible in a lot of ways and I find her attractive.. but I'm kinda feeling put off a bit too about it...
I paid for the bill. My concern isn't that I paid. I'm glad to do something nice for her.
My concern is I feel she wasn't considerate at all, and it is weighing on my mind. I'm sorting out my feelings right now. I find her attractive in many ways, but that was a big turn off :/
That's a valid point.
Remember this is a person that you hope will spend the rest of your life with.
As a gay man, when I had a date I always made sure to order something in a normal range if I knew he would be paying.
That's a valid point.
Remember this is a person that you hope will spend the rest of your life with.
As a gay man, when I had a date I always made sure to order something in a normal range if I knew he would be paying.
why didn't you plan on paying for entire meal instead of ordering what he could afford?
agree to a date that you can cover costs... even if he suggested the place, you can still suggest a different place, or he can go there alone and you can have a date some other time
It's not about what the "treat-ee" is ENTITLED to get away with; it's about what's the THOUGHTFUL thing to do. If I were being treated to dinner, and my companion ordered the $100 entree, I would assume that I could do likewise. If my companion ordered the least expensive item on the menu, I would not think that it was THOUGHTFUL or MANNERLY to order something 3X the price. Someone who sees a date as an opportunity to "get away with" ordering the most expensive thing there, on the grounds that someone else is paying, does not sound like someone you want to have a long term mutual relationship with, based on respect and shared values.
It is also possible she's just clueless about good manners.
I'm also wondering why people are assuming this girl would "never" order lobster for herself. I really am not sure where that came from. Maybe she would. Why assume that?
In my experience it's very rare for anyone to order the most expensive item on the menu.
The date is attractive (according to OP) and she might have more than one guy inviting her out for Valentine's Day dinner. She took OP's offer because she thought OP might be more interesting than the other guys.
So after she sat down in the restaurant, OP didn't ask her if she wanted any drink (OP didn't mention). OP neither suggested what items on the menu are good while he just went ahead to order his own entree first (really rude). She might want to order an appetizer or soup but now she was stuck and just ordered the entree. After she ordered the Steak and Lobster, OP might likely have shown that he was unhappy with her choice. And most likely after the entree OP told the waitress that they didn't want any dessert.
Of course it looked like OP didn't give her any roses on Valentine's Day either.
If you were the girl, is that what you would expect on the Valentine's Day? Would she regret going out with OP?
The date is attractive (according to OP) and she might have more than one guy inviting her out for Valentine's Day dinner. She took OP's offer because she thought OP might be more interesting than the other guys.
So after she sat down in the restaurant, OP didn't ask her if she wanted any drink (OP didn't mention). OP neither suggested what items on the menu are good while he just went ahead to order his own entree first (really rude). She might want to order an appetizer or soup but now she was stuck and just ordered the entree. After she ordered the Steak and Lobster, OP might likely have shown that he was unhappy with her choice. And most likely after the entree OP told the waitress that they didn't want any dessert.
Of course it looked like OP didn't give her any roses on Valentine's Day either.
If you were the girl, is that what you would expect on the Valentine's Day? Would she regret going out with OP?
This sounds a little too old fashioned to me. He needs to give her roses because it's Valentine's Day? Really? Honestly, I don't give flowers or any of that stuff to women that I'm only going out with the first time. I've never done it for anyone who wasn't my girlfriend.
Second of all, this whole ''You need to let her order first, it's rude if you don't'' is also a little old fashioned and dated to me. The kind of person I am, I let her order first anyway. I usually let the other person that I'm out with order first, regardless, but this is bordering on being really old fashioned. I actually would have let that one slide, if I didn't see some of the other stuff, like the expectation to buy roses for someone that you're on your first date with (I don't think the OP has clarified that it was his first date with her, just first ''Dinner'' date). I don't think most women are gonna feel slighted for not getting roses on Valentine's Day by a man that they've only gone out with a couple times and absolutely not someone that they've never been out with before.
Also, is it really necessary to ask ''Do you want an appetizer or soup?''. I mean, I rarely ever asked my date if she wanted an appetizer or soup, because I figured if she wanted one, she'd just order it. I never felt I had to be so precise to ask if she wanted an appetizer. I always assumed that if she wanted one, she'd order one. I never felt the need to ask. And when they wanted one, they usually one. And why it is necessary to ask if she wants a drink? I assume that she wants something to drink and that she's gonna order it. Do I have to ask her if she wants to drink something with her meal? I assume she's gonna order something to drink (soda, coffee, alcohol, whatever) with her meal, anyway.
Reminds me of the time I met a fellow on-line. He met me at a local seafood restaurant, my suggestion. I ordered a salad and iced tea as I am not a big eater. He ordered wine, appetizer, entree ($) and dessert. When the bill came it was obvious I was expected to pay. I did.
Last date, believe me!!
So tell us why, if you knew you were a salad person, did you suggest a seafood restaurant??
Did you expect that your companion would also order just a salad?
He may have overdone it with all the courses but for some people, that's how they eat even when paying for it themselves and do run into people like you that order salad just by preference.
This sounds a little too old fashioned to me. He needs to give her roses because it's Valentine's Day? Really? Honestly, I don't give flowers or any of that stuff to women that I'm only going out with the first time. I've never done it for anyone who wasn't my girlfriend.
Just imagine in the restaurant, girls on every other table got roses (a very likely scenario on Valentine's Day) while she is the only exception. What will she think?
This sounds a little too old fashioned to me. He needs to give her roses because it's Valentine's Day? Really? Honestly, I don't give flowers or any of that stuff to women that I'm only going out with the first time. I've never done it for anyone who wasn't my girlfriend.
Second of all, this whole ''You need to let her order first, it's rude if you don't'' is also a little old fashioned and dated to me. The kind of person I am, I let her order first anyway. I usually let the other person that I'm out with order first, regardless, but this is bordering on being really old fashioned. I actually would have let that one slide, if I didn't see some of the other stuff, like the expectation to buy roses for someone that you're on your first date with (I don't think the OP has clarified that it was his first date with her, just first ''Dinner'' date).
Also, is it really necessary to ask ''Do you want an appetizer or soup?''. I mean, I rarely ever asked my date if she wanted an appetizer or soup, because I figured if she wanted one, she'd just order it. I never felt I had to be so precise to ask if she wanted an appetizer. I always assumed that if she wanted one, she'd order one. I never felt the need to ask. And when they wanted one, they usually ordered one. And why it is necessary to ask if she wants a drink? I assume that she wants something to drink and that she's gonna order it. Do I have to ask her if she wants to drink something with her meal? I assume she's gonna order something to drink (soda, coffee, alcohol, whatever) with her meal, anyway.
In proper restaurant etiquette, the woman always orders first and any trained waiter will do it that way. In 2018, ordering on the behalf of your date has pretty much vanished.
The $50 entree wouldn't phase me. The $100 bar tab would. At a good restaurant, that's pretty easy to do.
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