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a punch to his wallet could also mean it was more expensive than he anticipated. Maybe he could afford it but he didn't anticipate it being so much. And yes, it is kindness when you take someone out on a date and pay for meals. And when women invite me out to lunch/dinner and willing to pay, I automatically try to pitch in. And if I order something that costs "more than average'', then I certainly pitch in. At the very least, I would get the tip. Meh. I'm probably different than most people, I guess. I don't like to take advantage of someone's generosity.
Then he should of anticipated. Back when I was dating and I went out and figured out the place I anticipated the possibility of my date ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Most ordered a normal priced meal. But I prepared to pay the bill and not whine about it.
All I’m saying is your date shouldn’t have to pay anything if you’re doing the inviting. Now if it’s a agreed upon Dutch or ill pick up the tip or some percentage split ok. Otherwise simply be prepared to pay.
I don’t see the “she’s taking advantage” view some posts tend to state. Now if you go out with a person and she only orders the expensive stuff when you’re oay8ng and cheap when she is then yes she’s taking advantage. But one time first dinner date.....can’t really say she’s a gold digger.
The OP said this was their first meal together. They might already have been to a bar 25x before. We wouldn’t know, what with him being a one and done poster.
I agree. More details would have helped. It might not have been their first date. I don't think their relationship had escalated to the point of sex yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
It's weird now people are saying a meal isn't sexy when people have been starting up relationships over meals for centuries.
It isn't all about touching someone's thigh and closing. Some people like to get to know one another. I personally always liked coffee, something casual like that but I had my fair share of lunch or dinner as a first date and if I liked the guy it didn't hinder things one bit, and if I didn't like the guy no amount of kino or blah blah changed that, in fact in that latter case it repelled me. Made things way worse and closed things off for good, no chance at that point.
Coffee is usually a pretty beneficial early stage date for females, but a lousy investment of time for males. A female can practice dating in a low pressure environment and on the guy's time. There's nothing inherently sexy or exciting about a coffee shop. Existing couples are not even making out in coffee shops. Environmentally, it does not lend itself to projecting an image of desirability. Coffee shops dates are the perfect way to get dates that flake out after date 1. Most interactions from a coffee shop end up the female sending a text like "It was nice to meet you, but I do not feel a connection" or if she actually has interpersonal skills, which is a rarer skill among the Millennials and the now coming of age Generation Z, she'd say it in person.
Even if an early stage date doesn't end in sex, crafting a sexual aura/mental associations with sexiness is the best way to go. Both biological sexes need to associate the opposite sex with raw sexuality in order for the interaction to keep pushing forward to the point where they will have sex.
I agree. More details would have helped. It might not have been their first date. I don't think their relationship had escalated to the point of sex yet.
Coffee is usually a pretty beneficial early stage date for females, but a lousy investment of time for males. A female can practice dating in a low pressure environment and on the guy's time. There's nothing inherently sexy or exciting about a coffee shop. Existing couples are not even making out in coffee shops. Environmentally, it does not lend itself to projecting an image of desirability. Coffee shops dates are the perfect way to get dates that flake out after date 1. Most interactions from a coffee shop end up the female sending a text like "It was nice to meet you, but I do not feel a connection" or if she actually has interpersonal skills, which is a rarer skill among the Millennials and the now coming of age Generation Z, she'd say it in person.
Even if an early stage date doesn't end in sex, crafting a sexual aura/mental associations with sexiness is the best way to go. Both biological sexes need to associate the opposite sex with raw sexuality in order for the interaction to keep pushing forward to the point where they will have sex.
I've had coffee dates go beyond date 1, so not true.
If a woman (or man) likes you, then the environment doesn't really matter.
With drinks in a bar, the plan is to sit side by side in a bar, touch her leg, run your fingers through her hair, and set up for a kiss. If she reacts well to that, then you can kiss. If not, you need more time to either make that happen, or GTFO.
Even some degree of kissing on a first date doesn't guarantee a second date. There is rationale behind going for sex on the first date.
At dinner, you are more likely to be sitting across from each other, so the escalation tactics are more difficult to implement.
There are no advantages that dinner offers that a drinks date doesn't offer.
Not only perpetrating the idea that men are only dating to get laid but that it should be done as cheaply as possible .
Personally, I pay my own way, or if it's someone I regularly go out with, we take turns paying. I wouldn't have been comfortable with that level of one-sided payment.
That said, presumably you invited her to a fancy restaurant to impress her, and were planning to pay - it's kind of backwards to do so, then look down on her for taking what was offered. Bit of a bait and switch, there, like you were going for fancy restaurant date credit, without wanting to pay fancy restaurant date prices.
That said, presumably you invited her to a fancy restaurant to impress her, and were planning to pay - it's kind of backwards to do so, then look down on her for taking what was offered. Bit of a bait and switch, there, like you were going for fancy restaurant date credit, without wanting to pay fancy restaurant date prices.
So true. Did you ever think you might have set her up?
I've had coffee dates go beyond date 1, so not true.
If a woman (or man) likes you, then the environment doesn't really matter.
Sure, a coffee date can go beyond date one, but it is a sterile environment that generally isn't conducive to the development of a relationship with a element of romance. There are better options.
The best first date is an activity that both parties enjoy. I like to do things rather than sit inside in some format. One of my favorite first dates I had was an ice skating date. We held hands while skating and had a hot makeout session just outside the skating rink. I like playing any sport on a first date since I am a fit person. An activity such as painting would be awesome for the artistic types out there.
If when I meet someone and I am attracted but a conversation doesn't reveal an obvious first date activity, then it is drinks in a lounge that has an ambiance conducive to the development of romance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Not only perpetrating the idea that men are only dating to get laid but that it should be done as cheaply as possible .
Men should be dating with a focus upon getting laid. Sex is a big part of a relationship. The idea ideally should be to find someone that you can have sex with for an extended period of time, and that extended period of time could be many years.
Dinners are just bad dates. Not only are they expensive, they are less conducive to the development of a sexual connection than other types of dates. Effectiveness matters most, but cost is a consideration. Why someone would choose a more expensive but less effective venue for an early stage is confusing to me.
Sure, a coffee date can go beyond date one, but it is a sterile environment that generally isn't conducive to the development of a relationship with a element of romance. There are better options.
The best first date is an activity that both parties enjoy. I like to do things rather than sit inside in some format. One of my favorite first dates I had was an ice skating date. We held hands while skating and had a hot makeout session just outside the skating rink. I like playing any sport on a first date since I am a fit person. An activity such as painting would be awesome for the artistic types out there.
If when I meet someone and I am attracted but a conversation doesn't reveal an obvious first date activity, then it is drinks in a lounge that has an ambiance conducive to the development of romance.
Men should be dating with a focus upon getting laid. Sex is a big part of a relationship. The idea ideally should be to find someone that you can have sex with for an extended period of time, and that extended period of time could be many years.
Dinners are just bad dates. Not only are they expensive, they are less conducive to the development of a sexual connection than other types of dates. Effectiveness matters most, but cost is a consideration. Why someone would choose a more expensive but less effective venue for an early stage is confusing to me.
Not everyone enjoys drinking alcoholic beverages, so drinks in a lounge is not the best choice for people. I am a non-drinker and really prefer to see what a person is like sober, not loosened up with alcohol. As mentioned above, it can also be extremely expensive as some places cost $12 for one drink. While you loathe coffee, ordering two drinks per person there is unlikely to cost more than $12 for the two drinks and it can be a good way to talk in a low-key, cheap environment that can last 30 minutes if you are incompatible or go on for hours if you like each other. It also has an added benefit of not resulting in more intoxication the longer you stay.
I don’t mind doing activity dates, but it is not always a way to talk and get to know each other for a first or earlier date. Most people in early dates once they are past around age 16 want to know if they have common interests, compatible values and goals, etc. They aren’t going to find that out if they are mountain biking or skiing together.
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