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Old 02-21-2018, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,766,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Oh a relationship? I agree with you there.

A serious relationship is way more serious than dating tbh.
Agreed.
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Old 02-21-2018, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Avignon, France
11,143 posts, read 7,907,176 times
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From what I've read on here.. They don't show any interest until it's too late and they post about the one who got away. Then they complain that women should do the approaching and chide us for not having the where with all to walk a mile in their shoes... in order that we see how difficult it is to be a man.

Last edited by Sydney123; 02-21-2018 at 08:35 PM..
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Old 02-21-2018, 09:42 PM
 
4,178 posts, read 4,422,041 times
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My response would be much like Frihed and Cbeisbol. The level of prior contact and conversation would determine the mode of showing interest and 'next steps''. A stranger, say, versus a prior acquaintance with some limited known contact, the environment wherein you meet and whether it is conducive to begin getting to know someone immediately or not.

In person meeting, interest physically would be eye contact, pupil dilation if not wearing shades or the focused attention on listening to what they say would be best indicators. I have met some women where there is that wonderful electric sensation. I had that happen some years ago meeting a rep for a vendor that was going to be providing product for an event our organization plans. It was palpable and I'm sure she noticed (she was with a male colleague) and got the sense her male colleague did too and that they probably had a good laugh after they left the meeting.

This happened in another instance like this in a different job. Met with a department head (male) and the program lead (female) because our company was initiating a like program. Every time subsequently meeting her, no matter the time between when our paths cross, I always greet her and smile as she simply does something for me at a subatomic level. Nothing will ever come of it as I know she is married.
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Old 02-21-2018, 09:49 PM
 
4,178 posts, read 4,422,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Maybe if more men were direct and said,"Hey I like you,want to date you,want a relationship with you". Instead of playing dumb mind games.


Ha, you made me think of this classic vignette from the Movie Hitch one of the better Rom Com movies..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcXer15_vpA






It makes me think of a tangential topic, which would be, if we were all telepathic and you knew what someone thought of or fantasized about you, would you be more or less inclined to be quicker in deciding whether to spend quality time getting to know that person? Would you immediately flee from certain peoples presence? I think what would happen is, it would lend itself to more efficient 'partner finding' efforts and may drive many couples apart.

Another topic I once brought up in some relationship thread. Would an overture get different response if the approached (whether m/f) knew the level of selectivity of the one asking? Would knowing the selective nature of the asker would the receiver of the overture weigh more favorably in their response?

Looked at statistically, if you, as a woman, knew that one man asking you, asks hundreds, perhaps thousands of women indiscriminately and the other, say a dozen (and they were both quite equal in your level of physical desirability, would you view the nominal instance of interest in women as more favorable if you were one of the dozen? or not? Curious
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Old 02-22-2018, 01:54 AM
 
4,857 posts, read 7,587,923 times
Reputation: 6394
Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
Ha, you made me think of this classic vignette from the Movie Hitch one of the better Rom Com movies..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcXer15_vpA






It makes me think of a tangential topic, which would be, if we were all telepathic and you knew what someone thought of or fantasized about you, would you be more or less inclined to be quicker in deciding whether to spend quality time getting to know that person? Would you immediately flee from certain peoples presence? I think what would happen is, it would lend itself to more efficient 'partner finding' efforts and may drive many couples apart.

Another topic I once brought up in some relationship thread. Would an overture get different response if the approached (whether m/f) knew the level of selectivity of the one asking? Would knowing the selective nature of the asker would the receiver of the overture weigh more favorably in their response?

Looked at statistically, if you, as a woman, knew that one man asking you, asks hundreds, perhaps thousands of women indiscriminately and the other, say a dozen (and they were both quite equal in your level of physical desirability, would you view the nominal instance of interest in women as more favorable if you were one of the dozen? or not? Curious

Say what now? Lol
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Old 02-22-2018, 01:57 AM
 
4,857 posts, read 7,587,923 times
Reputation: 6394
Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
My response would be much like Frihed and Cbeisbol. The level of prior contact and conversation would determine the mode of showing interest and 'next steps''. A stranger, say, versus a prior acquaintance with some limited known contact, the environment wherein you meet and whether it is conducive to begin getting to know someone immediately or not.

In person meeting, interest physically would be eye contact, pupil dilation if not wearing shades or the focused attention on listening to what they say would be best indicators. I have met some women where there is that wonderful electric sensation. I had that happen some years ago meeting a rep for a vendor that was going to be providing product for an event our organization plans. It was palpable and I'm sure she noticed (she was with a male colleague) and got the sense her male colleague did too and that they probably had a good laugh after they left the meeting.

This happened in another instance like this in a different job. Met with a department head (male) and the program lead (female) because our company was initiating a like program. Every time subsequently meeting her, no matter the time between when our paths cross, I always greet her and smile as she simply does something for me at a subatomic level. Nothing will ever come of it as I know she is married.

If the person reading feels like it's a chore to understand what you've written, it's a fail.

Last edited by Dport7674; 02-22-2018 at 02:12 AM..
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Old 02-22-2018, 03:01 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ciceropolo View Post
Would you immediately flee from certain peoples presence?
Another topic I once brought up in some relationship thread. Would an overture get different response if the approached (whether m/f) knew the level of selectivity of the one asking? Would knowing the selective nature of the asker would the receiver of the overture weigh more favorably in their response?

Looked at statistically, if you, as a woman, knew that one man asking you, asks hundreds, perhaps thousands of women indiscriminately and the other, say a dozen (and they were both quite equal in your level of physical desirability, would you view the nominal instance of interest in women as more favorable if you were one of the dozen? or not? Curious
First question: it made me much more forward, or confident in letting him know the feeling was mutual. That was only once. Other similar situations creeped me out bc they didn't know me.
Second question: it makes me feel really dissapointed if I had fallen for that, and I walk away without looking back.
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Old 02-22-2018, 03:05 AM
 
3,565 posts, read 1,912,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dport7674 View Post
If the person reading feels like it's a chore to understand what you've written, it's a fail.
I disagree.
Because something requires effort, doesn't mean you should give up.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:57 PM
 
4,178 posts, read 4,422,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dport7674 View Post
If the person reading feels like it's a chore to understand what you've written, it's a fail.


I'll try to elucidate.
The way I show interest in a woman will vary depending on the environment in which we meet.

Example: Public place total stranger: if at a distance, I make eye contact and smile a friendly smile, and make an effort to get close and talk to her. If she does not reciprocate or gives off negative look or body language I move along my way.

When in appropriate proximity in public I would make an effort to break the ice by talking to her about something topical to the environment.
//www.city-data.com/forum/fashi...l#post48260760


Last summer, I had been seeing a young woman while waiting on my reverse commute from work and we would always exchange pleasant smiles at the train station. Since she was always wearing earplugs listening to music (I presume) I never bothered to stop and talk to her at the station. A few months later, I happened to see her during lunch time at the grocery store (without ear buds) so I went up and introduced myself to her in the aisle and talked / asked her a bit about work in a light hearted way how nice it was to see her outside of the train station and then asked if she would like to have lunch some time to get to know each other. She didn't but that particular encounter was conducive to approaching her and talking more so than exchanging smiles.

Business environment with some prior phone conversations / email exchange knowledge of each other to some degree (i.e. not total strangers). Converse and make opportunity to ask if she'd like to meet for lunch / coffee. Usually the most successful from my experience.

Physically, there's a certain level of 'energy' I've always encountered when a woman peaks my interest, I think some women sense it based on body language and the way your eyes look at her. Generally, when a person is interested in someone romantically the pupils dilate. https://www.scienceofpeople.com/what...dden-emotions/
If you're observant you've seen couples / lovers in public where you can tell they energize each other.

In sporting / competitive type environment I will usually try to show prowess at an activity to varying degrees. I did that more in my youth. Last summer I did it as middle age guy when volunteering at an event. I started competing shooting mini basketballs with the local NBA cheer team young adults during lunch time. It wasn't necessarily to impress 'a woman' in particular, but doing so often makes woman notice you and it may enable easier talking with one you encounter i.e. a playful challenge "Hey, how about you try a few shots?" Nice ice breaker to potential dialogue.

In an intramural sport environment (volleyball) years ago, a woman I was interested in was not feeling well and I went out to my car to get throat lozenges / first aid kit i.e. genuine interest in her well being.


The second topic of would women / men have more optimized relations on deciding whether to accept an offer of getting to know each other / date if they could read each others thoughts is topic I've often thought would help limit or eliminate the bad experiences (which tend to overtime aggravate male female relations) without having to learn them the hard way.

An example for a woman would be she could tell if:
A man looking at her wanted her to pleasure himself in every manner possible for selfish reasons
Or another who may look at her and desire to be dominated and submit to her in some manner
Or another who'd like to pull her close slip his arms around her waist and tenderly kiss her on the lips and steal away someplace for a romantic tryst in some secluded spot
Or another who may look at her like she'd make a delightful house servant laboring away
Or another who may look at her and admire how well she's dressed but prefers other men
Or another who may desire to dominate her and treat her like his property
Or another who may just want to walk along with her and delight in her presence
Or another who may envision her as a loving caring woman who'd make a great mother to children


Part of the dilemma when you are first attracted to someone and show interest, is how you will be perceived. When there's no context / background it leads to much energy expensed based on social mating ritual constructs. A 'hard swap interface type meet with someone of interest would enable quicker connectivity at multiple levels. Think On Line Dating, but with depth i.e. like having someone's dating / relationship history at hand, their mindset and way of thought and whether they approach any woman with little to no discrimination in search of romantic pleasure versus another who may be selective.


The question being, if either a male of female knew the person showing interest in them at the moment was weighing you highly (being selective in who they show romantic interest) or was some lothario / rogue sl*t etc.. looking for another conquest in the bed. Would there be an adjustment if either sex knew the person showing interest in them was looking for short term pleasure or longer term relationship?

This can be asked directly as already noted, but generally doesn't seem to get proper respect as approach. Hence the Hitch movie clip vignette. There seems to be a cultural conditioning in USA of women wanting / needing some "organic" 'meet cute' story they can share with their friends but a reticence to feeling 'played' when things don't go as planned. But, isn't that the essence of showing interest? Being strategic and concerned with doing the right thing to build upon the interaction without feeling overly scripted?


Anyway, sorry to deviate from the initial topic of the thread but wanted to put better context to what I was trying to convey. Hope this made it more understandable. Even though I sometimes have long posts on C-D - I'm generally a man of few words.
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:03 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,261,749 times
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My wife often reminds me of a time before we even had our first date. I was reading a newspaper and also sitting right beside her and another woman.. I was totally engrossed in the paper I was reading except for when she said something. Then, and only then, it was as if EF Hutton had spoken to me.

I didn't consciously or intentionally ignore the other woman.
I guess my subconscious attraction and interest in my future wife naturally came out, and my disinterest in the other lady also came out...

Last edited by picklejuice; 02-22-2018 at 09:13 PM..
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