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OP...all 'rules' re: dating after divorce are just general guidelines. Do what you want, when you want it, and at all times protect your children.
You will learn something from every date you go on. Some of it will not be good, that's okay! You'll bounce back!
You can only do this one day at a time.
You will know you are really ready to date when you find that you aren't telling your dates all about your ex. You will meet others who talk too much about their ex. It's a natural part of the process.
And you can definitely ask your ex to do the same with her new relationships.
She should be doing that as well. It wouldn’t make much sense for only one parent to do it. Also, neither parent should speak ill of the other to the children.
OP, your information is confusing and contradictory. Hopefully you can clarify a few basic questions.
You say you miss tucking your kids in at night, but then you say you and your ex will be sharing everything 50/50. Then later you say that she's still living with you, which means the kids are still living with you. Yet you sound distraught over not being able to tuck the kids in and to read to them at night. Obviously, we need more info to understand what's going on.
You got angry at a poster who said you want to "screw around", yet you had posted earlier that you'd like to meet a lot of women, though part of you wants a stable relationship. Please explain how meeting a lot of women wouldn't be "screwing around". Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you were the one who was indignant, as if you'd been accused of something.
I have no idea why dating in the mid-30's would be an awkward time/age. It seems like the ideal time, if you're looking for an LTR, because that's the age at which women want to settle down and start a family. What you need to ask yourself is, would you be up for starting a family with any of those women out there with raging mommy-hormones? Or is that what you meant, by "awkward"?
I'm sorry if I wasn't being clear in my original post. My situation isn't the most straight forward and I don't expect many people to relate to it or understand it.
Yes, my soon to be ex and I still live together in the same house. We have another house which she will move to in a few months (early May is the plan). So we are still co-existing as parents under the same roof with our children. It is different though as she has been sleeping in our daughter's room for the past 3+ months. Also, she has been going out more and more on weekends with other friends/dates. She is building a connection with the lesbian community (not in our hometown) and becoming more and more true to her authentic self. We have had a few arguments here and there, but that's mostly in the past and we are able to disagree in a respectful manner. The kids are not being exposed to fighting - just a relationship that lacks affection.
In my op I stated that I am distraught at *the thought* of not being able to tuck them in each night. Meaning, I know that day is coming soon and it makes me quite anxious.
I was not angry at the poster who implied I just want to screw around. I just found it a bit absurd to imply that's what I'm going to do when all I'm doing here is basically thinking out loud. Also, I think it's possible to meet women and enjoy their company without screwing them. I did find the comment about my kids "being messed up" to be extremely distasteful and rude.
I hope that if/when you do start dating you don’t involve your kids in meeting your dates unless and until you become serious with one and are in a long term relationship. It is difficult for young children if women (in your case) are constantly in and out of their lives.
I have no intentions of introducing my kids to anyone new for a long time. That definitely wouldn't happen until I'm 100% confident in the relationship and feel it has a strong foundation and future.
My ex will have it a bit easier though as she can easily have women over and the kids won't assume (until they're older) they're anything but a friend (not that I think she's going to introduce them to a significant other any time soon).
I have no intentions of introducing my kids to anyone new for a long time. That definitely wouldn't happen until I'm 100% confident in the relationship and feel it has a strong foundation and future.
My ex will have it a bit easier though as she can easily have women over and the kids won't assume (until they're older) they're anything but a friend (not that I think she's going to introduce them to a significant other any time soon).
Very good. Best wishes to you. Even under the best conditions, a divorce isn’t easy. After having gone through one myself, all I can say is: keep putting the needs of the children first, stay civil with the ex, and focus on living well. It will get better with time.
Very good. Best wishes to you. Even under the best conditions, a divorce isn’t easy. After having gone through one myself, all I can say is: keep putting the needs of the children first, stay civil with the ex, and focus on living well. It will get better with time.
This is the most important thing.
Even when my marriage ended because my ex had addictions, once it was over and he met the legal conditions for being able to have visitation, we both agreed that for the sake of our daughter we would put our anger behind us and get along for the sake of our daughter. And we did.
We went to softball games and school concerts and sat together and had a ball jumping up and embarrassing our daughter at inappropriate moments. My daughter told us her friends would say, "I thought your parents were divorced, but they don't act like it."
My daughter also told me that one of her classmates had parents who were not permitted to be in the same room when her father picked her up for weekend visitation. We worked at not being that type of divorced parent. It can be done.
My ex will have it a bit easier though as she can easily have women over and the kids won't assume (until they're older) they're anything but a friend (not that I think she's going to introduce them to a significant other any time soon).
I'd think that the 7-year-old, at least, is old enough to know that some girls like boys and other girls like girls. But it sounds like you and your ex have everything under control and will do what's best.
Yes, my soon to be ex and I still live together in the same house. We have another house which she will move to in a few months (early May is the plan).
You need your own space to be able to successfully date. Dating with your ex still living in your house is a messy situation that no other potential single woman who might want to date you will want to deal with.
I hope that if/when you do start dating you don’t involve your kids in meeting your dates unless and until you become serious with one and are in a long term relationship. It is difficult for young children if women (in your case) are constantly in and out of their lives.
That much, the OP made clear in his earlier posts.
I'm sorry if I wasn't being clear in my original post. My situation isn't the most straight forward and I don't expect many people to relate to it or understand it.
Yes, my soon to be ex and I still live together in the same house. We have another house which she will move to in a few months (early May is the plan). So we are still co-existing as parents under the same roof with our children. It is different though as she has been sleeping in our daughter's room for the past 3+ months. Also, she has been going out more and more on weekends with other friends/dates. She is building a connection with the lesbian community (not in our hometown) and becoming more and more true to her authentic self. We have had a few arguments here and there, but that's mostly in the past and we are able to disagree in a respectful manner. The kids are not being exposed to fighting - just a relationship that lacks affection.
In my op I stated that I am distraught at *the thought* of not being able to tuck them in each night. Meaning, I know that day is coming soon and it makes me quite anxious.
I was not angry at the poster who implied I just want to screw around. I just found it a bit absurd to imply that's what I'm going to do when all I'm doing here is basically thinking out loud. Also, I think it's possible to meet women and enjoy their company without screwing them. I did find the comment about my kids "being messed up" to be extremely distasteful and rude.
Thanks for the clarification, OP. And it wasn't entirely clear from your first post, that you were mainly thinking out loud and bouncing thoughts off of us, and collecting information, and digesting, in preparation for AFTER your SO moves out, and you might start considering dating.
This all must be so difficult! But at least you'll have partial custody of the kids, so there will still be tuck-ins, a few nights/week, or so.
You'll definitely run into women looking for an LTR and future father or their kids, just a heads-up. Being clear in a profile you set up, that you're not ready for that, would help.
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My daughter told us her friends would say, "I thought your parents were divorced, but they don't act like it." 
