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^^ This. Honestly, Chit, you wont be compensating for him. Chances are, with the maturity level displayed here, he IS compensating for you. It can work out easily, but you have to want it to. Doesn't sound like you know what you want yet.
C'est la vie! Go abroad, live a little, learn and grow. Set him free because life is to short to wait for someone who doesn't know what they want.
Best wishes.
I know I still have a lot to learn. And I am not fully mature yet that I'm aware of, but, I know I love him and I care about his feelings. I just can't have both him and my career. Setting him free is hard enough because I don't think i could ever meet someone like him again
Choosing a career over love is a great way to end up as a 50 year old living with multiple cats.
Some of this would depend upon her what her relationship goals are. One's career expiration date is often later than one's ovary expiration date, or her ability to maximize her value to land a higher quality man.
I agree that it would be easy for her to move on. A childless 29 year old is pretty valuable on the dating market. She could have new dates lined up in 2 weeks or less if she chose to go that direction.
What might need to happen is that she might need to end this relationship now, AND pass on that job option. Think about this, she comes back to the United States at 31, after 2 years away with no relationship. If she returns to the same city in 2 years, her social circle might have dried up during those years, and she is moved to a new city when getting back to the States, she might have no social circle in a new city. Starting over at 31 is harder than at 29. Also, in the relationship she might start at 31, she might try to put more pressure on the guy to commit sooner and start having kids sooner into a relationship than she would have had she began the relationship at 25.
I planned to have a baby at the age of 30. That is why if I choose him over my career, we could start working on that. But if I choose my career over him, Then I guess 30 is not ideal and I have to find again another man whom I can share my future with.
I planned to have a baby at the age of 30. That is why if I choose him over my career, we could start working on that. But if I choose my career over him, Then I guess 30 is not ideal and I have to find again another man whom I can share my future with.
If you manage to have a child at your desired age, what happens to the career?
Just pass the kid of to daycare and continue on?
(Said in hopes that this doesn't spark an off topic discussion from indignant working women with babies)
Edited to add...
I guess I just find it difficult to discuss replacing him like it's just a matter of getting new shoes.
Possible? Of course, even probable at your age . It just doesn't make it sound like he's all that vital to you.
I planned to have a baby at the age of 30. That is why if I choose him over my career, we could start working on that. But if I choose my career over him, Then I guess 30 is not ideal and I have to find again another man whom I can share my future with.
It seems that having children is important to you. Your fertility will be pretty strong until around 35, and less strong but manageable from 35-39.
I stand by my original suggestion that you need to end your current relationship and stay in your current city, passing on the job abroad, and look to date a man your age or up to 5-7 years older. If you end your current relationship now, you need to immediately start looking to date again. It should be reasonably easy, especially you are fit and childless. You could be in demand. If you are in a mid-sized city or larger (100,000+ population), your dating pool should have enough candidates.
If you stay with your current man, you will likely be a widow around age 60, whereas if you end up with a man closer to your age, you will not reach widowhood until 75 or so. You'll have a longer time to build a life with a man.
With you starting over at 29, your strongest dating options are going to come from your social circle connections. I'm not sure how strong your current social circle, but single women in general tend to have better social circles than single men. However, if your social circle cannot connect you to single men close to your age, you have options. I suggest that you start going to a gym and not wear headphones or earbuds at the gym. Very few women do not wear earbuds at the gym so you'll stand out and the single men will approach you at the gym. The gym is a fantastic place to meet a man, as you'll both have a shared interest in fitness. A fitness class within a gym also works too. Those are majority female, but there are some men that go to interval training type classes for the purpose of finding dates. I also suggest to go to a grocery store in a singles conducive area of your city, and look presentable. Some solid men will approach you. There's always bars. I recommend staying off dating sites and apps, as they are generally a waste of time for both sexes, but more so for men than women.
If you meet a man in the next year, you can easily marry at 31-32, and have your first baby around 33, and a second baby in your late 30s. But time is of the essence.
Wow! I appreciate your advice! Unfortunately, I am going to work in the most conservative and strict country in the middle east which means I will have very little chance of finding a man. My work also revolves around the same gender field.
Wow! I appreciate your advice! Unfortunately, I am going to work in the most conservative and strict country in the middle east which means I will have very little chance of finding a man. My work also revolves around the same gender field.
You need to not work in the Middle East and stay in the United States. Pass on that job option.
If you stay with your current man, you will likely be a widow around age 60, whereas if you end up with a man closer to your age, you will not reach widowhood until 75 or so. You'll have a longer time to build a life with a man.
He is a runner by the way. Very health conscious. Do not smoke.
You need to not work in the Middle East and stay in the United States. Pass on that job option.
I am not from US. and if I stay in my own country, I can't help to not see him or break up with him. If I choose to find a job here, I would probably stick with him anyway.
He is a runner by the way. Very health conscious. Do not smoke.
Yes, that is great. That might get him into his 80s. If he dies at 82, you are 65. Even still in his 70s, he will be slowing down and you'll be 55-60, and still reasonably health. The age gap that you have isn't tremendously acute now, but you'll feel it more once he reaches 55-60.
I am not from US. and if I stay in my own country, I can't help to not see him or break up with him. If I choose to find a job here, I would probably stick with him anyway.
Whichever country that you live in, that country is still a better lifestyle option for you for the next 2 years than the Middle East. Middle Eastern countries are some of the most difficult countries for outsider women to acclimate to the lifestyle. If you are in Eastern Europe, Western Europe, Asia Pacific, or Latin America, you are still in better shape.
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