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A person who treats her partner like that doesn't deserve one.
Well, yeah. But the first problem is that women settle down with men they're not attracted to, because such men offer stability. (While naturally desirable men often do not.) The second problem is that such men are naive. A woman shows interest in him, and he reacts like an overexcited chihuahua---"ooh, ooh, a woman likes me!"---without pausing to think about why she's showing interest, let alone properly vetting her.
Well, yeah. But the first problem is that women settle down with men they're not attracted to, because such men offer stability. (While naturally desirable men often do not.) The second problem is that such men are naive. A woman shows interest in him, and he reacts like an overexcited chihuahua---"ooh, ooh, a woman likes me!"---without pausing to think about why she's showing interest, let alone properly vetting her.
I don't think you're qualified to say what the first problem with their relationship was.
In no way was I referring to pure physical pleasure. I am just saying that sex with someone is just not masturbation and vice versa. One is not a substitute for another.
Yeah true. I've always self-serviced even when in a relationship. Sex doesn't seem to take away the desire for "that". But I can live without sex. Ultimate best scenario, I'd have both on a regular basis.
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Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
On top of that, intercourse causes pregnancies. And I sure and hell don't want kids. Even with the Pill and a condom, it's not 100% foolproof. So it's much safer and easier with a Fleshlight (NSFW) and HornPub. Or even Rosy Palms and a fantasy, if you can't afford those.
Yes. Until we're old enough for that not to happen, anyway. Even then, there's still the STD worry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
I would rather be married to a man with no sex drive, than a man who gorges himself on huge amounts of internet pornography. Our society is filled with men who are constantly hooked on porn. It's probably rare to find a man who isn't doing this at least on a part time basis.
Um, women look at porn too. It's not just guys. If I do it, I'm sure not gonna shame him for it!
This is interesting reading through this. If I know my wife right, she would be rather unwilling to commit to celibacy, but almost never masturbates. That seems contrary to what the women here tend to be saying?
If we're talking romantic relationships, then no - unless it's not an exclusive relationship, so I can have sex with someone else. I prefer polyamorous relationships for this reason, because I can have multiple relationships with a variety of "parameters" and not feel like I'm missing something important overall.
Though once she told me that she did not feel that she had any 'need in her life for a man'. When we were courting she gave it her best to be frisky with me.
Three years later, she injured her back and the nerve damage caused her to go through menopause instantly.
That was when she became the 'nun', at 25.
My wedding vows were "for better and worse, in sickness and in health" I can't divorce my wife over a back injury.
Quote:
... I think you could help satisfy them regardless. It’s just a weird question. I mean, that’s what make your relationship stand out from the hot co-worker who talks to you everyday. Sex.
I mean, that is what makes the relationship different.
Last year I coordinated a local political campaign and a hot girl worked with me a few days each day. I found that if I am around a hot girl I develop a crush on her quickly, I became infatuated with her.
No snuggling, no hugging. I stay on my side of the bed and she stays on her side. If I reach over to lay my hand on her thigh, I get slapped and she tells me to go away.
Last week we were on a long drive, she was in a playful mood and she poked my leg with one finger. I thought I had an opening, so I put my hand on her knee. She sunk her fingernails into arm and held the pressure until I removed my hand.
I mean, unless I'm mistaken, even though YOU have medical stuff that has disarmed you in a sense, she still sees physical intimacy with you as threatening and it sounds to me like the problem there was how it went down when she became incapable a long time ago but you still wanted it. We've talked about that, and don't need to rehash it now. So she fights back, it's a pattern she put in place to protect herself a long time ago and at this point I don't think she is willing to bridge that gap. Your anger and bitterness (which is still evident) won't help...those things don't make a person feel safe. You did that very typical male thing of turning hurt into hostility, and she closed up, withdrew, and shut down all intimacy. What is incredible is that both of you managed to get so many years together like this. She must be at least as serious about marriage vows from an ethical standpoint as you are, because I think for most people the resentment would leak into every aspect of the relationship until it fractured it.
I'm just so sorry you two went down this road. I wish I could rewind the tape and hand you a book or two to read like decades ago and you could have a do-over on all of this. I do not believe that it HAD to be this way.
No snuggling, no hugging. I stay on my side of the bed and she stays on her side. If I reach over to lay my hand on her thigh, I get slapped and she tells me to go away.
Last week we were on a long drive, she was in a playful mood and she poked my leg with one finger. I thought I had an opening, so I put my hand on her knee. She sunk her fingernails into arm and held the pressure until I removed my hand.
As is often the case, Sonic is playing "good cop" in this thread. I hope you find a way to benefit from all the good intentions she sends your way. Now I'll play bad cop. I'm just some dumb ass on the internet, so you may want to stop reading.
Your wife's medical condition is not responsible for the cruel behavior you ascribe to her. She is. 100% her choices and her actions. Your interpretation of your vows may require you to martyr yourself, but don't gaslight yourself in the process.
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