Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You and your fiancee are speaking different languages. You are speaking primarily economics (with a little family sentiment thrown in). She is speaking about the connection between the two of you.
What you say makes perfect financial sense. The money says stick with your plan, and put her on it.
She wants to hear that you don't care about the money, that you are thinking from a place where there's always enough money. That's point 1. Point 2, and the bigger point, is that she wants decisions involving the two of you to represent that your bond comes first, and that your relationship with her is the most important relationship in your life. It is, isn't it?
Try communicating in listening mode. Ask her why she wants this plan just for the two of you. Explore what it means to her, but do not argue your money point. Just try to get to the point where you understand, clearly, why she feels the way she does. Then decide if that matters more than your economic points. If it doesn't, then you'll have to find a way to make your case in a way that emphasizes the bond between the two of you, not money or your family. Because the most important thing in marriage is to seek connection, and a stronger, deeper, bond, with every conversation.
Very good insights here.
OP, if you just cannot give on this one phone issue, find something else that you can show your fiance that you ARE a couple and you think of yourself as part of a couple. You don't have to separate from your family but your fiance should not feel like she is competing for your time or affection. So if you can find something else that is important to you that YOU don't particularly care about then do it. But keep in mind you need to pick your battles - dig your heels in too much on this stuff and you won't be able to expect her to compromise on stuff either.
A lot easier said than done, especially when you're entering into a marriage in a few months. Is it worth fighting over this petty issue? Not really.
Not only is it worth it to your fiancee to fight over this petty issue, it's worth it to her to act against your financial interests over this petty issue.
Figure out what's really going on. It makes no sense.
I don't know, dude.
It's a bit red-flaggy to me to see she won't find a way to compromise with you over something that could literally save you thousands of dollars in the long run (hell, in less than 2 years).
I'm wary of the emotional maturity of people who get far too rigid regarding things that amount to little more than random symbolic acts.
This could be the opportunity for you to learn something about the way this woman thinks. This logic (or lack thereof) is troublesome to me.
I'm in agreement.
This is a red flag. Sure, it's not a huge issue in isolation.
And, if you weren't losing money by making the switch, but just stubbornly refusing to change, I'd say she was right to push it.
But, if this is just some "let's split our stuff out separately or you don't love me" crap, you need to think about whether or not she'll do this over and over throughout your marriage.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Lol...if my wife figured out we could save $60 a month on our cell plans by being on a family plan with the devil himself, we'd be seeing 666 area code on our next bill.
Right?!!!!!
OP, if it saves money then who cares? How can this be important to her?
Pay close attention to this situation, because it shows who she is going to be in the future. And some of that stuff is going to be very important.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I don't know, dude.
It's a bit red-flaggy to me to see she won't find a way to compromise with you over something that could literally save you thousands of dollars in the long run (hell, in less than 2 years).
I agree.
Is this the only thing she has refused to compromise on over the years, OP?
(Please say yes .... please say yes ...)
Is this the only thing you're still tied to with YOUR family?
I love Mightyqueen's idea of presenting to her the plan to put the savings away for something the two of you want. That way you are emphasizing the bond while saving money.
Does your family have a history of paying late on bills or having to be reminded to pay?
Is your family a constant tie in other areas of your marriage together?
Elaboration on what “being our own unit” entitles and means in context is needed.
The intention behind the motivation to want this is key here.
My future wife, fiancee now obviously, is adamant about getting onto our own family plan instead of sharing one with my mom and sister.
I have always shared the family plan with my mom and sister since I was a teenager and the deal is good enough that I don't want to switch off. I did the math and for us to both move onto our own plan it would cost approximately $60/month extra for the same unlimited deal. Levels of scope drives the cost down obviously.
My dear fiancee says the reason is because we are our own unit and should be that way, however I can't get over the extra cost for what is essentially a piece of paper that lists our names versus listing my other family members. Another hesitation for me is that my sister and mother would also have to pay more should I move off.
What are your thoughts on this issue? I don't think I have any options at this point but wondered if I am weird for wanting to remain on the plan.
I agree with future wife! Time to grow up and cut the cord.
I don't know, dude.
It's a bit red-flaggy to me to see she won't find a way to compromise with you over something that could literally save you thousands of dollars in the long run (hell, in less than 2 years).
I'm wary of the emotional maturity of people who get far too rigid regarding things that amount to little more than random symbolic acts.
This could be the opportunity for you to learn something about the way this woman thinks. This logic (or lack thereof) is troublesome to me.
I'm with you. If it were "hey, let's move in with Mom and Sis to save rent money!" I'd agree with the fiancee, but I don't see being separate on a cell phone bill that saves a significant amount of money as a real violation of "just us two".
And it does make me wonder what other things might in her mind warrant symbolic restrictions in the future.
Look your soon to be wife wants you guys to have your own plan together and NOT have one with your mother and your sister.Reason is you guys are moving onto being your own family.She probably feels uncomfortable about it.If one shares these plans...does that mean you will be able to see the phone numbers that others have called?Is there any sort of privacy with these family plans?I understand that you would be having to pay more and so would your mom and sister if you all go your own way BUT you're venturing out now as a man on your own starting your own family.Your soon to be wife doesn't want to be included into this family plan with them.She feels that it should be just the 2 of you.
I get about saving money but you need to understand that things have to change when you're engaged and about to be married.The same things that you had in plan when not engaged will no longer be once you're married...at least for some.Maybe she needs to be reassured that one would still have their own privacy if they share this family plan...I don't know.I have my own plan and I don't share with anyone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
