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Suppose that you told your supervisor that you could no longer hang out with him (lunch, random stuff, etc) mostly because you're very aware that you have a mad crush on him and you also know that it's very one sided (from you to him) and you just want to get over him for good....so you grew a pair and went and told him.
He replies that he has no idea what he did to deserve that but "if this is the kind of relationship that will help you succeed, then ok". How in the heck would you interpret that? Did I make him mad? It was never my intention to hurt him but I just needed to go cold turkey. The more I hung out with him it just kept my hopeless hopes up...if that makes sense.....and I found out he has a girlfriend just recently, so I am doing the right thing and backing the heck off.
So, did I make him mad, or was that sort of like wishing me well but in a condescending way, sort of like "ok, I don't know that I respect you the same anymore but whatever...good luck").....I've been bugged about that statement a little. Thoughts?
It means they understand you have to do this for yourself and will comply to assist you so you may succeed professionally in your workspace.
Like you said, the feelings are one sided. You’re viewing things from your own personal feelings on the matter. They are not invested in you in that way, so the reaction has not followed suit.
"If this is the kind of relationship that will help you succeed..." seems to intimate that he feels you were hinting around in order to start an affair with him, probably to further your career, i.e. sleeping your way to the top (..."relationship that will help you succeed"). And he was/is drastically against that, full stop. It does sound like he has less respect for you now. Live and learn; if this honestly was heartfelt, you know now that you just don't say stuff like this and put someone totally on the spot with his career and with being your supervisor. And OTOH if there WAS an element of playing with him, just no. That is a NO in the workforce, you do not play around with something that could damage someone's career. That's how he eats, OP.
]"If this is the kind of relationship that will help you succeed..." [/b]seems to intimate that he feels you were hinting around in order to start an affair with him, probably to further your career, i.e. sleeping your way to the top (..."relationship that will help you succeed"). And he was/is drastically against that, full stop. It does sound like he has less respect for you now. Live and learn; if this honestly was heartfelt, you know now that you just don't say stuff like this and put someone totally on the spot with his career and with being your supervisor. And OTOH if there WAS an element of playing with him, just no. That is a NO in the workforce, you do not play around with something that could damage someone's career. That's how he eats, OP.
You know, thats the way I read it. Almost as if, hey, I might be able to help you out then..... so........ why not pursue me....
OP..you should have handled YOUR problem yourself...not try and make it his. You'll no doubt have alienated him because of it.
You shoulda just kept mum.
so I am doing the right thing and backing the heck off.
'K, wait, what? I thought the whole point was you ARE decidedly trying to get past this. IOW, that you would never in a million years intend on actually pursuing this.
But you're asking IF you should back off?
He's right to be suspicious of your motives. This poor guy. He's probably going to get an ulcer over this.
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