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Two phone calls a day is excessive. Unless there is child care or home ERs to deal with. Seriously.
We're not talking about hour long conversations each time; we're talking 10 minutes: "Hey. Good morning. How'd you sleep? What are your plans for the day?" Then: "Hey. How was your day? Glad you had fun. Sleep well. I love you."
Do you talk to your SO when he/she is at home with you? Then why wouldn't you want to talk to him/her when away?
I mean if that sort of thing works for you and yours, more power to you, but it wouldn't work for me and mine.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
We're not talking about hour long conversations each time; we're talking 10 minutes: "Hey. Good morning. How'd you sleep? What are your plans for the day?" Then: "Hey. How was your day? Glad you had fun. Sleep well. I love you."
Do you talk to your SO when he/she is at home with you? Then why wouldn't you want to talk to him/her when away?
I mean if that sort of thing works for you and yours, more power to you, but it wouldn't work for me and mine.
Because they're away. Respect the space. Most people I date and have dated don't want to be talking on the phone at all, and vacations are meant to be breaks. That checking in stuff (how was your day) can be a text. It's much less intrusive.
This thread represents the disparity. Some think two phone calls a day is too many; some think it's fine. None of that matters. What matters is that you both generally agree.
The fact that it sounds like you don't, indicates a possibly compatibility issue. Is it a deal breaker? Not necessarily, but you both need to understand the other's needs and find a compromise in there somewhere.
She DID have a chance to provide the standard, "Yes, I've missed you.", but she chose not to do so. That's problematic. At the very least, a conversation is in order to find out if this is just a superficial issue or the uncovering of deeper issues.
Because they're away. Respect the space. Most people I date and have dated don't want to be talking on the phone at all, and vacations are meant to be breaks. That checking in stuff (how was your day) can be a text. It's much less intrusive.
If you need week-long total breaks from a SO, maybe they're not as "significant" as they should be.
We've dated for about 19 months. I can say we are (or I thought) we were mutually in love and I think there's enough there to make this a lifetime or several years anyway, commitment. Save one thing that's superficial, I have felt ok about it.
Until tonight, but that's why I'm asking if I'm overreacting to this.
I've talked to her, usually twice a day since she's been gone and when I was on my own trip, sent her some text messages to share photos, etc. Usually it was to say good AM and good night.
On the last time I talked with her, I asked, after 5 days away, "Do you miss me?"
She said, "I can't really miss you when you're contacting me frequently".
If you care about someone, isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't even think twice a day (based on what I saw my parents do) is that frequent anyway. There's no Face Time on any of these calls.
I actually feel insulted with that response. Not exactly one you'd expect from someone who is "in love with you".
Unless you know that she just has that kind of sense of humor, I do think her response was kind of rude. But she just might not be a mushy "I miss you" kind of person, otherwise she would've told you that on her own without you asking her.
She DID have a chance to provide the standard, "Yes, I've missed you.", but she chose not to do so. That's problematic. At the very least, a conversation is in order to find out if this is just a superficial issue or the uncovering of deeper issues.
Basically
That's why I asked about her sense of humor, OP. If she didn't do the usual, "Miss you like crazy!" reply, was she trying to be funny? It obviously didn't strike you that way.
Was this reply sort of out of the ordinary for her?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
If you need week-long total breaks from a SO, maybe they're not as "significant" as they should be.
Or maybe different people are different. I was out with a nature photography group in the Amazon for 2 weeks in January and plenty of those people (most) has SO's back home and we were almost entirely offline. Nothing wrong with that. Just because people are coupled doesn't mean they don't need personal, alone time away from their partner. It's healthy!
We've dated for about 19 months. I can say we are (or I thought) we were mutually in love and I think there's enough there to make this a lifetime or several years anyway, commitment. Save one thing that's superficial, I have felt ok about it.
Until tonight, but that's why I'm asking if I'm overreacting to this.
I've talked to her, usually twice a day since she's been gone and when I was on my own trip, sent her some text messages to share photos, etc. Usually it was to say good AM and good night.
On the last time I talked with her, I asked, after 5 days away, "Do you miss me?"
She said, "I can't really miss you when you're contacting me frequently".
If you care about someone, isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't even think twice a day (based on what I saw my parents do) is that frequent anyway. There's no Face Time on any of these calls.
I actually feel insulted with that response. Not exactly one you'd expect from someone who is "in love with you".
She's given me no reason to think she's cheating on me and even if she was, I think people in those situations call way more often showing their insecurity than twice a day.
Seems to me this shouldn't be an issue after 18 months of dating.
As far as "she needed her space", well, she never told me that before she left and usually our talks were about 10 minutes average. Still plenty of time for her to enjoy her vacation.
I think it's reasonable to expect a "Yes I miss you, at least physically" after 19 months of dating.
The luxury/responsibility of texting and free long distance phone calls has only been common for about 10-15 years. Chances are that when one of your parents was away for business, that person would call home a couple of times during a week long absence (depending on disposable income). When texting became more common, as a novelty it was perhaps used too often.
I think society is still adjusting to the electronic leash that everyone wears while on vacation or away for business in terms of : how often should that leash be yanked by the party who is away or the party who remains at home. She should have told you that she misses you because you needed to hear that, but instead she said that the two of you are in such regular contact that she hasn't missed you.
Don't make it a thing. Tease her about it when she gets home. Wait to hear from her. When you do hear from her, ask her if she misses you.
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