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We've dated for about 19 months. I can say we are (or I thought) we were mutually in love and I think there's enough there to make this a lifetime or several years anyway, commitment. Save one thing that's superficial, I have felt ok about it.
Until tonight, but that's why I'm asking if I'm overreacting to this.
I've talked to her, usually twice a day since she's been gone and when I was on my own trip, sent her some text messages to share photos, etc. Usually it was to say good AM and good night.
On the last time I talked with her, I asked, after 5 days away, "Do you miss me?"
She said, "I can't really miss you when you're contacting me frequently".
If you care about someone, isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't even think twice a day (based on what I saw my parents do) is that frequent anyway. There's no Face Time on any of these calls.
I actually feel insulted with that response. Not exactly one you'd expect from someone who is "in love with you".
She's given me no reason to think she's cheating on me and even if she was, I think people in those situations call way more often showing their insecurity than twice a day.
Seems to me this shouldn't be an issue after 18 months of dating.
As far as "she needed her space", well, she never told me that before she left and usually our talks were about 10 minutes average. Still plenty of time for her to enjoy her vacation.
I think it's reasonable to expect a "Yes I miss you, at least physically" after 19 months of dating.
Why were you two on the phone twice a day? Was it your idea or hers?
My husband and I travel for business sometimes and we don't talk that much because we are busy. Usually an AM text and we chat before bed in the PM for a few minutes to catch up.
If she's on a vacation, she's probably even less inclined to want to drop everything and talk.
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Calling someone twice a day that you've been with long term is bombarding someone?
No wonder dating and relationships in America are in pretty sad shape (with thoughts like yours).
I'm with you OP. I'm with my wife first and foremost because I love spending time with her. She genuinely is my best friend, and I'd spend 24/7 with her if I could. That's not because I'm "clingy," but because I love spending time with her and talking with her more than anyone in the world. That doesn't mean we don't do things separately, but I do genuinely miss her when she's not around, even if that's only for a few hours. I know that type of set-up is not for everyone, but I couldn't imagine being with my wife if I didn't feel that strongly.
I think the red flag for me in your situation is that she actually told you "no" when you asked if she missed you. I know if I were in that situation and my wife asked me that, I wouldn't be crazy enough to say no, even if it wasn't entirely the truth. Why? Because I love her and why would I say something that I know would hurt her feelings?
Like I said earlier, you two have been going out long enough to where it's beginning to be make-or-break time in the relationship. I think you both sense this, and I think, therefore, that you're trying to get closer, while she is seemingly pulling away. This doesn't necessarily means she wants to end the relationship, but she may be happy with the status quo. This is a good opportunity for you two to have a serious talk about where the relationship is headed and if it is still working for you both.
I did not say bombard in calls, I said text, if I read your post right. What part of some people are just not emo like every other person did you not get?
What part of you do talk to her like you said 2x a day plus text correct? Did you not get? And you still want her to miss you? LOL.
She obviously is not what you need then? A GF who makes it a point to text and call you PLUS tell they miss you every single day you're apart. It's not her thing. Do you get that? She is not you. She is her own person. You either deal with it or move on.
He said he sent texts on his trip. He never said anything about texts on her trip.
Okay, but if you had to work late and weren't going to see your SO before they went to bed, you'd probably call to check in, see how their day went, etc. I just don't understand this sentiment that a vacation should be a time to treat your SO completely differently from how you would on a day-to-day basis.
Because when you're away, generally things are much busier than at home, and any secure SO know this. Being away can be a butt-pain. Finding your room, traveling in a city you don't know, working if this is for work, begging the front desk for toilet paper, discovering there's no hot water for the shower, getting a rental...it just isn't relaxed and easy like having supper at home and turning to your spouse to casually talk about your day. It ISN'T an easy matter of just turning to a partner to shoot the breeze, you are worn out and probably want to veg...speaking twice already that day in light of all this isn't enough??? A person needs more reassurance than that? Let the poor guy (or gal) veg.
Because when you're away, generally things are much busier than at home, and any secure SO know this. Being away can be a butt-pain. Finding your room, traveling in a city you don't know, working if this is for work, begging the front desk for toilet paper, discovering there's no hot water for the shower, getting a rental...it just isn't relaxed and easy like having supper at home and turning to your spouse to casually talk about your day. It ISNT an easy matter of just turning to a partner to shoot the breeze, you are worn out and probably want to veg...speaking twice already that day in light of all this isn't enough??? A person needs more reassurance than that? Let the poor guy (or gal) veg.
I can't imagine feeling that my SO is such an imposition on me. Forgive me for actually caring about hearing how my SO's day went.
Maybe if travelling is so stressful for you, you should stop doing it?
And yes, OP found out after his GF went on vacation that she did so because she "needed some space" and she was insensitive enough to say she didn't miss him. Pretty sure this would cause insecurity in most folks.
[quote=djsuperfly;51149346]I'm with you OP. I'm with my wife first and foremost because I love spending time with her. She genuinely is my best friend, and I'd spend 24/7 with her if I could. That's not because I'm "clingy," but because I love spending time with her and talking with her more than anyone in the world. That doesn't mean we don't do things separately, but I do genuinely miss her when she's not around, even if that's only for a few hours. I know that type of set-up is not for everyone, but I couldn't imagine being with my wife if I didn't feel that strongly.
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That is all fine and good, but not everyone's relationship is like that, doesn't mean one is better than the other. I have always had an independent streak. I actually like alone time. I need that. Sometimes I will go away alone for a few days, just to, be alone. I may bring my dog but that is about it. I obviously enjoy spending time with my husband, otherwise we wouldn't be together as long as we have. But I can enjoy time without him, without needing constant contact. I am looking forward to seeing him again of course when we are apart. I also have some girlfriends I have known since we were in elementary school. I like girl time with them. Sometimes for entire weekends. Everyone is different. If the OP needs someone who misses them more when they are away and wants that type of relationship, she probably isn't the one for him.
And I have no desire to spend 24/7 with ANYONE, not my child, my husband, my friends, anyone.
This is all about dating and finding a good match. The Op's girlfriend may not be the right match for him. Doesn't mean she is out cheating on him or a bad person
Everyone seems to want to conflate their experiences with the OP's, which is not a fair assessment. It doesn't matter if you agree with the texting and phone calls - you aren't in a relationship with the OP.
What matters is the compatibility between the two. The response he received and his reaction to it seems to indicate a compatibility issue. Having a rational discussion to get to the heart of the matter is at hand.
I can't imagine feeling that my SO is such an imposition on me. Forgive me for actually caring about hearing how my SO's day went.
Maybe if travelling is so stressful for you, you should stop doing it?
And yes, OP found out after his GF went on vacation that she did so because she "needed some space" and she was insensitive enough to say she didn't miss him. Pretty sure this would cause insecurity in most folks.
You seem a little defensive about this, but these are my views; and the OP wanted to know our views.
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