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My situations different..I still see her ex from time to time..he actually texted me today..
As much as I'm not that close to him it is s big reason I've been passive..I feel some guilt..
No reason to feel guilt over him. It's fair game if they're split up.
I will say, I would stay away from my very best friend's exes, as I hope that one day, we can all go on a couples or family vacation together. The two of us haven't both been in a relationship at the same time in years now, but when we both were, we'd go away together and with our girlfriend's. I wouldn't want to date one of his exes, as it would be too awkward to ever have get together's or go on family trips one day with our two families, that neither of us have yet started. I think he feels the same way. It would be weird on him and it would be weird on whoever was his girlfriend/wife at that time, to have his ex hanging around all the time or even staying together under the same roof. Although I wouldn't mind if he did date the woman that I was in a long term relationship with before this, as I know he's a good guy and is gonna treat her better than most. It wouldn't bother me at all, but it sure would be weird if we were on vacation together or they came to stay with us.
I know how you're feeling and why you made that comment that you made a while back. I think it's bitterness (understandably so) about the wasted months of wanting to be with her and it culminating in this rejection. I've been there before. I was in this exact situation when I was a younger, probably even more than once. Back when I was 19, I hung around this girl, she didn't really like me. I did kiss her once, to which she mocked my kissing, called me a ''Terrible ass kisser'' and told me not to ever tell anyone that it happened. That it doesn't leave my car, which is where it happened at. I think she did like me initially, but I did a lot of things to turn her off. I had sleepovers at her house and one night we literally slept together. Not had sex, but shared a sleeping space on a couch. She laid on top of me. She even felt me up a little bit, but her brother was in the same room. I think she did like me earlier on, but I did so many things to turn her off. I was also a pushover, I would give her money for things, I would buy her food. What a dummy I was, but I'm sure it's happened to A LOT of us.
After I spent months (like 9 of them?) getting nowhere with her as a romantic partner, I threw my hands up in the air and said that being her friend all these months was a waste. In reality, she wasn't a friend to me, she was a user that I let walk all over me. I don't have enough space to list all the bad stories that I can tell about how much I was used by her. I should have either asked her out early in the game, before I became a doormat and maybe she would have said yes, or cut my losses if she said no. This is why I don't like the idea of being friends with someone who you want to be more than a friend, but who doesn't wanna be more than your friend.
I think the big mistake you made here, JBT, was that you didn't ask her out back in August. If you asked her out back in August, she either would have said yes, or she would have said no and you don't have an additional 7 months of this heartache, disgust, any almost any negative feeling and emotion that you could imagine. 7 months is a long time, man. Those 9 months for me back when I was 19 were a waste with her. You know what happened after I gave up on her? I met a couple other girls, lost my virginity and within 9 more months of finally cutting contact with her, I met the young woman who would be my first real girlfriend and my girlfriend of over 5 years. I couldn't find her or anyone else when I was hung up on the ''Friend'' who I wanted as a girlfriend, who didn't want me as her boyfriend. It was a good life lesson, no regrets, but it was a long time to hold out for hope and a lot of time and money wasted.
I hear you but in August to that point I never even thought of her sexually because she was my friends ex wife..we were friends for years up to that point so my feelings and attraction weren't there yet..her intimacy caught me completely off guard to my defense..
It wasn't really till another meeting or two I started getting feelings for her..
Another reason I didn't go for it was there really never were opening per se..even after the first hand holding I told her I would walk her back to her house she said no..
When we slept together she feel asleep on me right away so there was no room to do anything..and the next day she made sure Even while me her and her sis laid on the pull out bed all day hungover she made sure to keep her distance from me physically..when her sister told her to lay in the middle in between us she refuses..then later in the day showing me pics of guys on her dating profile she was thinking of dating..
The common denominator with being intimate with me was alcohol imo..when she drinks and gets drunk she gets almost blackout drunk to where she doesn't know what she's doing and that's when she'd be intimate with me..she was never intimate sober which leads me to believe she was never really interested..
As much as I had reservations about everything between us because of her ex maybe she does too after all? Not everyone wants to date their ex husbands friends maybe she just wants to move on in that regard relationship wise
I think alcohol has played a huge role in this whole mess. Even more troubling when you think of the child being exposed to all these drunk adults bed hopping all night and and lolling about the house all day, hungover. These are adults in their 30s and 40s.
I hear you but in August to that point I never even thought of her sexually because she was my friends ex wife..we were friends for years up to that point so my feelings and attraction weren't there yet..her intimacy caught me completely off guard to my defense.....
You really do have a very myopic view of your relationships, or else you have a very, very short memory. Here is the thread you started about her in August, where in the very first post you say you are starting to develop romantic feelings for her and even talk about hand-holding, which is usually the first step in physical attraction.
The point is that you WERE (are) attracted to her, you recognized the conflict, you did not take the advice of people who said take a stand or stop hanging around her, and you subjected yourself to 8 months or so of emotional purgatory.
The ONLY reason people hammer you so hard here is because we can all see that your flat-out refusal to admit that you are your own worst enemy (but not in the way you think!) is what is keeping you from happiness.
I know how you're feeling and why you made that comment that you made a while back. I think it's bitterness (understandably so) about the wasted months of wanting to be with her and it culminating in this rejection. I've been there before. I was in this exact situation when I was a .
Thank you..A certain poster is trying to make more of the comment then it was trying to make it seem like I'm a jerk who doesn't respect or look at women as anything more then objects which is so far from the truth..
You really do have a very myopic view of your relationships, or else you have a very, very short memory. Here is the thread you started about her in August, where in the very first post you say you are starting to develop romantic feelings for her and even talk about hand-holding, which is usually the first step in physical attraction.
The point is that you WERE (are) attracted to her, you recognized the conflict, you did not take the advice of people who said take a stand or stop hanging around her, and you subjected yourself to 8 months or so of emotional purgatory.
The ONLY reason people hammer you so hard here is because we can all see that your flat out refusal to admit that you are your own worst enemy (but not in the way you think!) is what is keeping you from happiness.
My point was until the hand holding she never even crossed my mind in a sexual way.It was after that she did..
The hand holding caught me completely off guard which is why that night while it was happening I was more confused then anything..
I think alcohol has played a huge role in this whole mess. Even more troubling when you think of the child being exposed to all these drunk adults bed hopping all night and and lolling about the house all day, hungover. These are adults in their 30s and 40s.
We're 37 I get your point..and yes it did feel weird when her kid came home while we were there hungover..Shes 17 so I'm sure she's been exposed to alcohol but I see your point.
And? My point was until then I never even thought of her in a sexual way..nothing I said contradicts that
I swear, you are the king of the circular conversation.
MY point is that you KNEW way back then that you were attracted to her. You were thinking about it. You didn't believe it was possible, but you were considering it.
And you could have and should have taken action back then to either advance the relationship or end the friendship. One of those needed to happen.
Instead you mealy-mouthed around about being fine with her not being into you, even though we told you she was using you, and you set yourself up for the pain you've just experienced.
Own that or just keep typing in circles here.
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