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Have you ever gone out with somebody you thought was just whatever looks wise at first glance but became attracted after getting to know them?
Yes! My ex husband. I met him and his best friend at the same time in a pub. Friend was the epitome of tall dark and handsome. My ex was shorter, round head and losing his hair at age 20. Of course I went after the friend that night. But as fate would have it, the friend went out of town the next day and Ex was the one who showed up on my doorstep with his motorcycle and two helmets. He took me on a long ride through Oxfordshire and up to White Horse Hill. He was funny, edgy, smart and had goals. By the time his friend came back we were a couple and stayed that way for 25 years.
And I learned his friend was kind of shallow and a player.
Have you ever gone out with somebody you thought was just whatever looks wise at first glance but became attracted after getting to know them?
Yep. As a matter of fact, I tend not to trust the pretty boys.
I first met my ex when we worked together. I was not at all attracted to him, quite the opposite. He grew on me though, and by the time we divorced, I wondered if I could ever be attracted to anyone the same way again. (I could and I have, thankfully)
I have dated guys who were short, a bit overweight, bald, had bad teeth, or some combination of the above. Given my experience with my ex, I knew chemistry could build over time, and what some would consider flaws would start to look good to me.
I can look at my current SO and objectively realize that he has some physical features I do not typically find attractive. But it doesn't matter, because we have a good thing going on a lot of levels, so his physical flaws are kind of endearing now.
It happens. You just need to find someone who is not so shallow and willing to look at the whole package.
(And for the cynics out there, I haven't been dating older rich guys either.)
It's more than that. It's an energy. I can meet people, think they're good looking, get along with them great, even find them attractive and not have there be real chemistry.
It's hard to break down all the different factors that go along with attraction and chemistry, which is probably why so many people get confused. Seeing someone, thinking they're hot, and imagining what it would be like to have sex with them isn't attraction or chemistry. It's just lust. (Not that there's anything wrong with lust, but it's not always the best foundation to build a relationship on, if that's your goal.)
The chemical was alcohol. You guys were never on the same page. What you thought was chemistry was just an opportunity. Even you said you had no feelings for her until you thought she was coming on to you sexually.
You'll know it when it's real.
One thing I will say is a lot of it might be infatuation probably because I've never been so close to a single women so it felt good and maybe I mistake that for love?
I admit they'res bad signs about her I've seen or things I've heard that aren't so great but I overlook.. though I'm not perfect either..
I'm still infatuated though and always think about her..any advice on how to try to get over her?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
It's hard to break down all the different factors that go along with attraction and chemistry, which is probably why so many people get confused. Seeing someone, thinking they're hot, and imagining what it would be like to have sex with them isn't attraction or chemistry. It's just lust. (Not that there's anything wrong with lust, but it's not always the best foundation to build a relationship on, if that's your goal.)
Totally, and it takes lots of experience, and loads of self awareness (which many people never develop) to be able to tell the difference. Even with those things, the endorphins of lust can cloud our judgment (or mine at least) for a period of time.
It's the one thing I've tried to beat in everyone's head here.
There's a lot of guys (short, ugly, fat) with women. Some of them are as unattractive as they are, but some of them are okay and some of them are even pretty good looking. By me they look like those Duck Dynasty guys. A lot of them wear NASCAR stuff or camo (not the kind of camo I wear) hunting jackets and stuff like that. A lot of them are husky looking dudes. Some have big smelly looking beards. Most of them look like they're well into their 30's, but they're probably mid to late 20's and even younger in a lot of cases.
I was the fat guy walking around with a really good looking (and thin) girl back when I was 20-25, and doing A LOT more than just walking around with her.
Then thin, better looking, 26-29 year old me couldn't even get a date.
The thing is, how can anybody NOT see this?
Look around, people! LOL!
You literally have to be wearing blinders to be able to even loosely fantasize that only handsome, tall guys get dates, get married. Get laid. Get...it all. Seriously. You can not miss this fact just by looking around. Look the next time you're walking around basically...anywhere. Look at work. At family gatherings. Your friends...
I mean...I don't get how people can literally NOT SEE this, every single place they go. Non-gorgeous and yes, short (gasp!) guys with women.
I circled back to her 5 years later, after my relationship with that girlfriend had ended, but she was already engaged, and had a child with the guy she was engaged to. I remember thinking even then that she was kind of heavy, her face was just okay looking, and I still remember thinking “Man, I wish she was available because this could have worked out since we’re in the next life now”. I liked my then-girlfriend a lot more than her, but I also was fascinated by the prospect of her being single a few months after that relationship ended, when I looked her up and tried to circle back to her.
I’m not saying she was bad looking, but she wasn’t that physically attractive to me, yet I found her adorable.
Honestly man, I don't think this is why you're getting rejected and having trouble. It probably has to do with your looks and height.
The harsh truth is that nothing will help you with women if you don't meet a certain looks/height threshold. You could be the funniest, most positive guy on the planet and these things won't help.
For some reason, people don't want to be honest about this. I'm not sure why, but it's the truth. As men, it's important that we seek truth over a false feelings boost.
I also don't believe all women are as bad as you claim.
I want love and to love someone I refuse to believe no women out there will love me and vice versa.
I also don't believe all women are as bad as you claim.
I want love and to love someone I refuse to believe no women out there will love me and vice versa.
He is envious because you have gotten further than him in the romance department. See, there is always someone in worse condition than yourself. Keep trying JBT.
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