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Watch out for Borderline and Narroccistic Personality Disorders. I had never seen so much drama until I dated a young lady with BPD. Best and worst 90 days of my life.
But as others have said, I learned that I am attracted to some of the elements of these disorders which really got me thinking about myself, former relationships that shared similar elements and my responsibility in the matter.
This is the thing.
Why is there drama?
IMO, it's because people get bored. Both men and women. Let's face it, everyday life is...everyday. So even if we think we NEVER want anything out of the ordinary to happen, or have anything to deal with, sometimes we can discover we were seeking something to shake us up.
Sometimes (not always), when we consistently "experience" drama - we have a hand in it. Please note I did not say always. But OTOH I don't think this underlying situation is entirely uncommon...among men OR women.
Here's a hint: bringing up drama a lot could mean you gravitate toward drama. Generally, people who don't want rollercoaster relationships, who don't need that "excitement," just don't seem to bring this sort of thing up. This isn't 100% iron-clad and again...remember, I'm talking about consistency, or at least a fairly frequent occurrence. When it becomes a pattern...maybe enough that you need to post about it? Who knows...THEN it might just be time to look within.
^^^^THIS. I have to blame myself for my own history of drama queens. For most of my relationships I have picked very good looking women who know they can get away with being high maintenance, and even abusive. I don't do that anymore, and threw the last one out some time ago. I realize now that I made poor choices in women. I also realize, I won't do it again. Yeah, it took decades.
I did the same sort of thing as a very very young woman. "Why can't I find guys who want to commit?" Partially, of course, that was simply because they were fairly young, too. But I took a step back at one point - pretty early on - and thought, "What do all these relationships have in common?" Yup.
Very young people tend to need much more in the way of stimulation, even if it comes from a negative source. Again, generally. It's all part of growing up. But that's the point, most of us grow out of it, or at least grow up enough to know to look within.
I did the same sort of thing as a very very young woman. "Why can't I find guys who want to commit?" Partially, of course, that was simply because they were fairly young, too. But I took a step back at one point - pretty early on - and thought, "What do all these relationships have in common?" Yup.
All I can say of my choices in women, especially the last one is, I AM AN IDIOT. It is totally a reflection of me, and my issues, not there's.
Drama is not a gender-specific issue. I'm a female and I can't stand drama in a relationship. I rejected quite a few guys over the years because they had too much drama and baggage in their lives. I wasn't willing to take that on.
Before anyone goes bashing women as being drama queens, remember that plenty of men seem to enjoy the same attention for the drama they bring to relationships.
.
Ya beat me to it. I've never met a human being who required such a high degree of constant emotional maintenance as my ex husband. If he didn't get all the attention, all the time, he'd act totally nutso, throwing stuff, saying mean things to everyone, even threatening more extreme violence like suicide or burning the house down. He HAD to have a crisis going on at all times. And he had his substance addictions that created constant drama and stress, not to mention being horribly expensive and making us struggle to meet ends. Asking him for help with any task led to a fight. He was never satisfied with anything.
Making "small issues" into "big issues?" Check.
Bringing stuff to me and demanding I discuss it when I had no time, such as when getting ready for work, or even blowing up my phone while I was AT work? Check.
Playing games? Check.
You think I expect this of "men" just because he did it, and because he's not the only man I've known who generated drama? That's ridiculous.
Once again for those seated in the back: Thinking in absolutes is a good way to be delusional about people and how they work, and often leads to poor outcomes in dealing with others. People is people and some are more functional than others.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
This is the thing.
Why is there drama?
IMO, it's because people get bored. Both men and women. Let's face it, everyday life is...everyday. So even if we think we NEVER want anything out of the ordinary to happen, or have anything to deal with, sometimes we can discover we were seeking something to shake us up.
Sometimes (not always), when we consistently "experience" drama - we have a hand in it. Please note I did not say always. But OTOH I don't think this underlying situation is entirely uncommon...among men OR women.
Here's a hint: bringing up drama a lot could mean you gravitate toward drama. Generally, people who don't want rollercoaster relationships, who don't need that "excitement," just don't seem to bring this sort of thing up. This isn't 100% iron-clad and again...remember, I'm talking about consistency, or at least a fairly frequent occurrence. When it becomes a pattern...maybe enough that you need to post about it? Who knows...THEN it might just be time to look within.
And ya know, much in the way that we enjoy watching "drama" in TV and movies, I can certainly recognize that I have some appreciation for a certain tolerable level of it in life. Just not in my house. That's part of my whole draw to "community"...I can be supportive to friends, and then leave their drama "out there" just like a grandparent can spoil a grandkid and then send 'em home to Mom & Dad. It stops being in any way fun or interesting or acceptable, when you can't get away from it and have to cope with it every day and it's stressful.
How many people here have had relationships with no drama whatsoever?
Curious.
Me. But they were short.
My longest was 25 years, and yes there was drama. When I lost a job. When our kids were born. When our kids were sick. When his father died. When my father got Alzheimers. When he got a concussion playing soccer. When our two best friends eloped without telling us. When we were poor. When we got rich. When we moved.
How many people here have had relationships with no drama whatsoever?
Curious.
I don't even really know yet what you mean by drama. You said something about not taking no for an answer, no clue what that refers to. No to what? Paris for the weekend? A dinner out? Cheating? A new goldfish? Dressing up as her B and calling her Madam? Getting out of the house very other weekend? Just....no idea there.
If you mean a sedate relationship with the two of you reading the paper together and making carefully neutral commentary, and day after day with absolutely no normal life ups and downs, I actually haven't done that, no.
I don't even really know yet what you mean by drama. You said something about not taking no for an answer, no clue what that refers to. No to what? Paris for the weekend? A dinner out? Cheating? A new goldfish? Dressing up as her B and calling her Madam? Getting out of the house very other weekend? Just....no idea there.
If you mean a sedate relationship with the two of you reading the paper together and making carefully neutral commentary, and day after day with absolutely no normal life ups and downs, I actually haven't done that, no.
Drama means fights, arguments, any kind of disrespect such as the silent treatment, cheating, cutting off sex, etc.
What else would it mean?
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But OTOH I don't think this underlying situation is entirely uncommon...among men OR women.
