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Although having had sex with lots of people, depending upon what the OP means by "lots" (Five people? 50 people? What?) doesn't necessarily mean random people.
A person can have 5 or 6 or 7 legitimate relationships and one drunken hookup or something (just throwing numbers out there) during his/her lifetime. That would be only one random hookup in that person's entire life or could even be with a "just friends" person and not a total stranger or some wild ride. I don't know...more than a partner or two doesn't have to mean random, IMO. Each of those could be caring and long-term, with mutual growth.
Now if it's 25 people or something...that's more likely to be getting into random territory. And then again that's just my own number I'm literally throwing out there as, to me, a whole lot so...???
We don't know what the OP means in the context of a relationship, we don't know what he means by "lots," we don't know what he means by "in touch with one's own sexuality" (a 60s "I've never looked 'down there' because my mother told me not to" phrase if I've ever heard one) or really anything at all. We just know the OP apparently wanted to talk about sex.
My "number" would be considered high by almost anyone's standards, but they were not "random." I never just waltzed into a bar and played a blindfolded game of "pin the tail on the random bedpartner." I get a little at the idea that just because a person has had considerable experience there is this notion they would sleep with just anyone. For every one I chose, there were many I did not.
Thinking about this though, most of my partners were when I was a wild teenager, and I would not say that I was "in touch with my sexuality" that much then...parts of it, yes... I was enjoying the new feeling of sexual power that one gets with becoming a physically appealing young woman, certainly. Did I know what I needed to be satisfied? No. I had no real idea, so even if I were so inclined at the time, which I wasn't, I couldn't have really educated any of my partners on that. Apparently whatever mindset is needed to explore with an aim to really understanding what one wants, I did not get that until my 30's. At that point, even the "mistakes" (bad matches and unproductive connections) were educational.
But of course, a long marriage to an emotionally abusive partner made me severely sexually repressed, so I wasn't getting in touch with anything but creative excuses to avoid sex, during that time.
If we're talking about being "in touch with your sexuality" as a matter of being capable to understand what you need and want, and uninhibited enough to talk about it with a partner, and having a genuine desire for sex in general...I'm gonna say it's some combination of being mature and self aware, along with being lucky enough to have the right partner and the right connection, whether they are one of many, or just one, at that time in your life.
There are all kinds of ways to be in touch with your sexuality, no right or wrong way.
It means I can order a Cosmo at the bar and not worry that the bartender thinks I’m gay.
Personally, I think it means you can put the other person first while you’re having sex rather than only caring about yourself. Of course, that’s a male perspective on the classic male problem. It has nothing to do with monogamous relationships or casual sex with many women. I’m a guy. I can have an orgasm in 30 seconds.
It means I can order a Cosmo at the bar and not worry that the bartender thinks I’m gay.
Personally, I think it means you can put the other person first while you’re having sex rather than only caring about yourself. Of course, that’s a male perspective on the classic male problem. It has nothing to do with monogamous relationships or casual sex with many women. I’m a guy. I can have an orgasm in 30 seconds.
Don't take that for granted. I know some guys who can barely accomplish that in 3 hours. Just sayin'.
But to you for not being a selfish lover though. That's good stuff.
There are all kinds of ways to be in touch with your sexuality, no right or wrong way.
I guess its just not clear what is actually being discussed. Gender identity, sexual wants dislikes, performance etc...
I'm going to have to say that experience and "practice" plays an important part into getting in touch with one's sexuality. With that said, it isn't about sheer numbers either.... its quality time with people who genuinely want to give and receive pleasure as well as share each other.
"Being in touch with your sexuality" just means to me being aware of what your attitude is towards sex as well as what your likes and dislikes are concerning it.
That may have been ascertained by one partner, many and possibly none at all.
I can only judge from my own experience. I learned the most about my own sexuality from one woman who, as our relationship progressed, not only actively taught me in detail a lot about what aroused her (while we were having sex), but also became more and more able to be give into her own emotions when she was aroused. From her vulnerability, I learned about my own. It was a long-term process. I haven't had sex with anyone else since I met her, 20+ years ago.
It's been worth it.
Prior to that, I knew very little about the emotional intimacy side of sex.
I actually think I learned most about my sexuality, at least the mechanics of it, on my own. I wasn't just lying there helpless and clueless, waiting for some superstud to come awaken me or something. I mean...everybody doesn't experiment, before eventually having sexual partner(s)? Really?
With other people (i.e. with "sex" in the way I think we're talking about here? i.e. "partners"), what I was really learning about was relationships, and give-and-take, and learning about the other person. Those things are extremely important but they weren't about learning about what made me tick, sexually. I already knew what made me tick that way. Other people don't??? I may be misunderstanding the question here...well, I definitely am...as I've said before and as a few other people have said. There really isn't any reasonable clarification from the OP so far.
Have a feeling OP just wanted to read about other people talking about sex.
Which brings us back to the beginning: what, legtimately, does this topic have to do with "relationships"? Anybody have any sort of clear answer?
I actually think I learned most about my sexuality, at least the mechanics of it, on my own. I wasn't just lying there helpless and clueless, waiting for some superstud to come awaken me or something. I mean...everybody doesn't experiment, before eventually having sexual partner(s)? Really?
With other people (i.e. with "sex" in the way I think we're talking about here? i.e. "partners"), what I was really learning about was relationships, and give-and-take, and learning about the other person. Those things are extremely important but they weren't about learning about what made me tick, sexually. I already knew what made me tick that way. Other people don't??? I may be misunderstanding the question here...well, I definitely am...as I've said before and as a few other people have said. There really isn't any reasonable clarification from the OP so far.
Have a feeling OP just wanted to read about other people talking about sex.
Which brings us back to the beginning: what, legtimately, does this topic have to do with "relationships"? Anybody have any sort of clear answer?
Dunno, maybe nothing.
Oh, I certainly did stuff on my own and had quite a mastery of technique for a few ways of getting really serious enjoyment, however... There was a time, just a few years ago, where if someone had suggested that a man could teach me anything about my body or its responses that I didn't already know, I would have laughed at them. I figured that was just something men like to think, for the sake of their own egos. No man could possibly know my body better than I do, how ridiculous!
Well... Yeah, I've been wrong a very long time. Granted, it is the rare man who in fact does know certain techniques, and can employ them in ways I cannot, and give me sensations that are new and amazing...most guys seem to THINK they can, but they can't. But then, most don't have access to classes on the subject, which my partner and I have attended, so...
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at the idea that just because a person has had considerable experience there is this notion they would sleep with just anyone. For every one I chose, there were many I did not.
to you for not being a selfish lover though. That's good stuff.
I mean...everybody doesn't experiment, before eventually having sexual partner(s)? Really?
