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And that's fine, but be an adult and ask for a monogamous commitment. And if you don't get the response you want, be prepared to walk.
Yup. I don't see how anyone would make such a commitment while still dating. I'm not even sure how people bring up such a topic with someone they don't really know yet.
It is certainly their choice... but good luck finding someone... who won't walk.
Yeah, I understand preferences but a lot of it sounds passive aggressive. People can state a preference without bashing other folks in the process. It also depends on how a person defines "date." Dating can mean anything from hanging out, to getting to know one another, to being together officially, to smashing. Lot of variety in there.
Exactly. Everyone has different definitions and expectations, they should know that at least. Now that the OP has clarified as "dating others means possibly having sex with other people at the same time" it still leaves a lot of gray area for those that think other's definition of dating doesn't include sex.
If one is going to discuss it, as they shouldn't assume everyone has the same definitions, then they'll know how the individual they're asking defines dating other people. Are they really going to come back the next time you date them to tell you, "oh, I did say dating doesn't mean sex, but this last lady is going to have to be the exception." Is the proper response: "Oh no! You said dating isn't sex, that means every date, every time!" Do people really have these discussions? Even if they are honest people? Who is able to commit to not to not having sex no matter what? Wouldn't that then be a committed relationship? I don't want the details, and I don't give the details. The details don't come up. Later, when it's time for the talk of commitment, we'll get to the details.
Either I think it's o.k. for someone to "see" other people at the same time or not, I can't dictate, and predict, what will happen when they are with other people every time. Some say 'well trust them', trust them to what-- know the next date they have will be with someone they aren't sexually attracted to? That sounds very similar to monogamy, see others and don't have sex with them. This works great for people who don't enjoy having sex, and believe they can commit to someone before knowing what sex with them will be like. It doesn't work for everyone though.
And that's fine, but be an adult and ask for a monogamous commitment. And if you don't get the response you want, be prepared to walk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
Yup. I don't see how anyone would make such a commitment while still dating. I'm not even sure how people bring up such a topic with someone they don't really know yet.
It is certainly their choice... but good luck finding someone... who won't walk.
Agreed, if it's ok for the people you're dating to see other people, don't assume that will never include sex.
Agreed, if it's ok for the people you're dating to see other people, don't assume that will never include sex.
Often, sex IS included. After all, sexual compatibility is a key factor in deciding to continue dating someone long term.
I do feel that it is ethically mandatory to inform a new, potential sex partner that you are having sex with other people as well, if you want to have sex with this one as well. Protection is pretty much mandatory, of course. But, many people will have ONS - a series of them, even - so in practical terms they're having sex with multiple people anyway.
I was dating several women at the same time, and informed them that I was also dating other and having sex. They didn't care - as long as we used protection. I even introduced two of them and had a threesome.
Yup. I don't see how anyone would make such a commitment while still dating. I'm not even sure how people bring up such a topic with someone they don't really know yet.
It is certainly their choice... but good luck finding someone... who won't walk.
There's all kinds of people in this world, and with any luck, the ones with similar attitudes find each other.
I don't share. I found someone who doesn't share. The end.
My way isn't the only way, but it worked for me. It is what I am comfortable with. I do monogamy, or nothing.
Sexual monogamy isn't a lifetime commitment. It just means we agree not to boink others until we see where things are going with US. And given that we've had a little time to think things with US are going pretty good, giving up dating others isn't any huge sacrifice.
By the time I care enough about someone to sleep with him, I don't WANT to sleep with anyone else. All I wanted was someone who felt the same about me.
Not judging people who operate differently, I just don't want to date you, and pretty sure you wouldn't want to date me either.
There's all kinds of people in this world, and with any luck, the ones with similar attitudes find each other.
I don't share. I found someone who doesn't share. The end.
My way isn't the only way, but it worked for me. It is what I am comfortable with. I do monogamy, or nothing.
Sexual monogamy isn't a lifetime commitment. It just means we agree not to boink others until we see where things are going with US. And given that we've had a little time to think things with US are going pretty good, giving up dating others isn't any huge sacrifice.
By the time I care enough about someone to sleep with him, I don't WANT to sleep with anyone else. All I wanted was someone who felt the same about me.
Not judging people who operate differently, I just don't want to date you, and pretty sure you wouldn't want to date me either.
I suspect there are quite a few others who feel and operate the same way as you do.
I suspect there are quite a few others who feel and operate the same way as you do.
Yup, I included.
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