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Easy enough problem to solve, OP. If you don't want your girlfriend to be dating two other guys besides you, make arrangements with her to be exclusive.
Yup. Sounds like this OP is a little paranoid, so maybe lead with this fact, OP. Tell people up front you aren’t down for multi-dating.
It certainly happens and it's okay to the extent that no one is under the impression that there is exclusivity.
Actually, some guys (given past posts on here) are much more ticked off by a woman sleeping with one guy and NOT sleeping with others, namely them! You know, if you're gonna sleep with one, sleep with all for the good of equality.
How many men I date at a time depends on who comes onto my radar at the moment, and how long the relationship takes with each to develop. Depending on things like individual schedules, travel, work, etc. some time can pass between seeing someone, which means I might have time to date more than one man at a time. Usually two men - assuming they make it past the first date - is enough for me to balance.
But here's the thing. Sex is part of evaluating whether someone is compatible with me, and since I also love it I'm not going to wait probably more than 4-5 dates to have it. And yet, there's no way I'm going to be "exclusive" with someone after just five dates. So I may be dating and having sex with more than one man at a time. So what? This is what condoms are for. Obviously I'm not going to continue dating more than one man indefinitely, but it can take a while - and many experiences -
before two people decide that they want to be "a couple."
FWIW, most men on the dating apps seem to swipe right on every woman now, which has basically killed the apps. They thought they'd play the odds, but in doing so they've undermined the whole premise and have driven the women away. I used to message some of my matches on the apps first, but now I don't bother because I know a bunch of the matches aren't real matches. And as for what they write in their profiles (if they write anything at all): half of them say they don't want anything serious, just casual friends or playmates. So...men are doing the exact thing you're criticizing women for.
Dating as in interacting with a purpose of getting to know someone is fine. Sleeping around with multiple partners on different days is a huge NO. Same for men or women.
If we're not in a relationship/committed to one another? Yes, I'm okay with it. If she's not my girlfriend, it's none of my business who else she goes out with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves
If we're not in a relationship/committed to one another? Yes, I'm okay with it. If she's not my girlfriend, it's none of my business who else she goes out with.
Yup, this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Oh, sleeping with? Where is this deemed normal? LOL.
Drama FTW.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
Do you think It's okay for a man to sleep with 3 different women at the same time?
It's not all that uncommon from what I run into. One person I've been seeing the last 6 months is married and poly, and she certainly has more than three.
My date from last Friday has at least a few regulars, I'm guessing more.
The woman I met this week has nothing going on right now (or she doesn't want to share that info and is just saying that). Each to their own.
Unless we're exclusive, and as long as safe sex practices are adhered to, it's all cool. It becomes uncool when someone wants monogamy and two people can't get on the same page.
And when is "sleep with" reached? I mean, if someone goes out and they have sex, are they sleeping together? It could be a one off. If they do it twice is it now a thing? Or does it have to be three times for it to count? Or do you have to just want to see each other again?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellevueNative
But here's the thing. Sex is part of evaluating whether someone is compatible with me, and since I also love it I'm not going to wait probably more than 4-5 dates to have it. And yet, there's no way I'm going to be "exclusive" with someone after just five dates. So I may be dating and having sex with more than one man at a time. So what? This is what condoms are for. Obviously I'm not going to continue dating more than one man indefinitely, but it can take a while - and many experiences -
before two people decide that they want to be "a couple."
This, though it happens much faster with the people I connect with. That said, I don't think it is "obvious" someone isnt'. I meet people that do date multiple people indefinitely, certainly years, and that is ok. I understand it isn't for you, it isn't for me either, but it isn't an obvious thing. It certainly usually takes awhile for me to want to be exclusive if I do get there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanMarlton
Dating as in interacting with a purpose of getting to know someone is fine. Sleeping around with multiple partners on different days is a huge NO. Same for men or women.
I hope same days, or at the same time, is fine then.
Last edited by timberline742; 03-09-2018 at 04:48 AM..
With the advent of popular dating sites/apps like Tinder, women dating 3 guys at once is the norm. Maybe I'm a prude but I have a problem with this. Guys are rendered disposable. I've heard conversations where women talk about quickly swiping left and how dating sites/apps are pointless to them. I think dating sites/apps are just a tool for women to catch a big fish. If you aren't a big fish you are tossed back into the water. Thus, the modern dating scene is largely diluted.
I've never dated 3 women at once so I wouldn't be interested in a woman doing so. I think it could be a challenge nowadays to still find young wholesome women.
Lots of women have never dated three men at once. If you're only attracted to women who do, that's your problem.
Dating? Fine. Sleeping with? Not my place to say if she should or shouldn't but if I was still in the dating scene I'd certainly want to know about it before dating or sleeping with her. Yes, I would consider it my business. That's a lot of crotches comingling and I would think it would be my business to know about it before getting into that mix. Diseases are spread that way, and our sexual organs perform other functions as well.
There's nothing wrong with this. I've dated several women at the same time, too. Dating is either for casual fun, or to meet many people in the hopes of finding one who is a keeper. Both men and women can do this, and many do. If it bothers you, ask up front, and go from there.
It's not all that uncommon from what I run into. One person I've been seeing the last 6 months is married and poly, and she certainly has more than three.
Sometimes I think people in the poly scene should have their own sub forum and stop trying to confuse things for the rest of us. Or at least have an identifier under their name so people know what perspective their advice is coming from.
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