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Ok so the title might be a clumsy way of asking this, especially since I'm used to trolling half the time I write on forums, but basically here is the backstory; (and sorry for wall-of-text)
I've had 2 "sort of" ..."relationships"... before. When I was 20 I was repeatedly sleeping with an middle aged lady for about 18 months and we were both clear that it was physical and not a love story. Then when I was 25, and frankly quite desperate, I got into another physical relationship where the girl wanted us to be BF/GF which I agreed to when she asked, 1 month into it. I was never in love with her I suppose she had feelings for me, but the sex was great, until I grew tired of it/her.
Now I'm approaching 29, and I've met a girl I really care about, she's the same age, a few months older. We matched on tinder and at first I was just hoping to get laid. Then we actually met and started talking we hit it off really well and I slowed down to get to know her instead and now we're around 2 months into dating each other. We've been intimate, we've been out doing different activities together, we've cooked together and been at both her and my place. We've discovered where we disagree politically, without burning down the neighborhood .
We've also found out that we share views on religion, (potential) parenting philosophy if we ever get kids, health/food/exercise, work/free time balance etc. We've agreed to be exclusive with one-another and discussed and more or less agreed where the line for cheating goes, which we're both thankfully quite conservative about.
So in my mind we're doing very well, at least for me I've never been this involved with anyone before, and if I was into marriage I'd think she's marriage material. Actually I do think she's marriage material regardless of my previous disposition towards marriage
I've had thoughts about her being "out of my league" but I also feel more confident when I'm with her and have found that I have more to give when I'm with her than I've previously thought I did.
So now to the question, when/after how long or at what point in a relationship do you think it's appropriate to be "official" boyfriend and girlfriend?
She has said before that she "doesn't want to enter her 30s with someone who is her boyfriend unless she knows it can last for ever". In a way I'm not in a hurry, because I see us progressing with every week this relationship moves forward. At the same time I kind of want to know what we are to one another.
Exclusivity is paramount as far as I am concerned. Sounds like you're there.
The only thing you didn't mention was meeting family and friends. Have you tried introducing her to anyone as your GF yet? That would nail it down for sure.
Ok so the title might be a clumsy way of asking this, especially since I'm used to trolling half the time I write on forums, but basically here is the backstory; (and sorry for wall-of-text)
I've had 2 "sort of" ..."relationships"... before. When I was 20 I was repeatedly sleeping with an middle aged lady for about 18 months and we were both clear that it was physical and not a love story. Then when I was 25, and frankly quite desperate, I got into another physical relationship where the girl wanted us to be BF/GF which I agreed to when she asked, 1 month into it. I was never in love with her I suppose she had feelings for me, but the sex was great, until I grew tired of it/her.
Now I'm approaching 29, and I've met a girl I really care about, she's the same age, a few months older. We matched on tinder and at first I was just hoping to get laid. Then we actually met and started talking we hit it off really well and I slowed down to get to know her instead and now we're around 2 months into dating each other. We've been intimate, we've been out doing different activities together, we've cooked together and been at both her and my place. We've discovered where we disagree politically, without burning down the neighborhood .
We've also found out that we share views on religion, (potential) parenting philosophy if we ever get kids, health/food/exercise, work/free time balance etc. We've agreed to be exclusive with one-another and discussed and more or less agreed where the line for cheating goes, which we're both thankfully quite conservative about.
So in my mind we're doing very well, at least for me I've never been this involved with anyone before, and if I was into marriage I'd think she's marriage material. Actually I do think she's marriage material regardless of my previous disposition towards marriage
I've had thoughts about her being "out of my league" but I also feel more confident when I'm with her and have found that I have more to give when I'm with her than I've previously thought I did.
So now to the question, when/after how long or at what point in a relationship do you think it's appropriate to be "official" boyfriend and girlfriend?
She has said before that she "doesn't want to enter her 30s with someone who is her boyfriend unless she knows it can last for ever". In a way I'm not in a hurry, because I see us progressing with every week this relationship moves forward. At the same time I kind of want to know what we are to one another.
Why wouldn't it be appropriate to officially be boyfriend/girlfriend with someone who you really like and are already exclusive with considering that you previously agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend with someone who you didn't even like that much and were only into sexually?
The only thing you didn't mention was meeting family and friends. Have you tried introducing her to anyone as your GF yet? That would nail it down for sure.
No, in my line of thinking we'd sort of "agree" that we're now boyfriend and girlfriend, before meeting each others family and friends. She has also very specifically said that she's in no hurry to have me meet her parents, she's also explained some complications and estrangements between her and her family, which makes me understand her on that point.
Also neither one of us are particularly social, both of us have a rather small roster of friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Why wouldn't it be appropriate to officially be boyfriend/girlfriend with someone who you really like and are already exclusive with considering that you previously agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend with someone who you didn't even like that much and were only into sexually?
I'm completely OK with being it, in fact I want it, but she seems to want to wait...
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
When you agree to become boyfriend/girlfriend, then, and only then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
Then it's time to have a conversation with her.
Communication. One of the key elements to a successful relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89
Just ask her, "Är vi inte pojkvän"?
I sort of tried entering that conversation, which is when she told me she doesn't want to call someone a boyfriend until she is completely sure it's someone she can really be with for ever. And I'm thinking we're kind of in "no mans land" because we are exclusive, but potentially not BF/GF for a long time ahead... and I just don't know where it puts us.
Sounds like she’s set a fairly high bar for a boyfriend.
Since things are progressing well, you will simply have to be her person and you can be hers. Take your time and enjoy your new relationship. Maybe it will be the one that will last forever.
Ok so the title might be a clumsy way of asking this, especially since I'm used to trolling half the time I write on forums, but basically here is the backstory; (and sorry for wall-of-text)
I've had 2 "sort of" ..."relationships"... before. When I was 20 I was repeatedly sleeping with an middle aged lady for about 18 months and we were both clear that it was physical and not a love story. Then when I was 25, and frankly quite desperate, I got into another physical relationship where the girl wanted us to be BF/GF which I agreed to when she asked, 1 month into it. I was never in love with her I suppose she had feelings for me, but the sex was great, until I grew tired of it/her.
Now I'm approaching 29, and I've met a girl I really care about, she's the same age, a few months older. We matched on tinder and at first I was just hoping to get laid. Then we actually met and started talking we hit it off really well and I slowed down to get to know her instead and now we're around 2 months into dating each other. We've been intimate, we've been out doing different activities together, we've cooked together and been at both her and my place. We've discovered where we disagree politically, without burning down the neighborhood .
We've also found out that we share views on religion, (potential) parenting philosophy if we ever get kids, health/food/exercise, work/free time balance etc. We've agreed to be exclusive with one-another and discussed and more or less agreed where the line for cheating goes, which we're both thankfully quite conservative about.
So in my mind we're doing very well, at least for me I've never been this involved with anyone before, and if I was into marriage I'd think she's marriage material. Actually I do think she's marriage material regardless of my previous disposition towards marriage
I've had thoughts about her being "out of my league" but I also feel more confident when I'm with her and have found that I have more to give when I'm with her than I've previously thought I did.
So now to the question, when/after how long or at what point in a relationship do you think it's appropriate to be "official" boyfriend and girlfriend?
She has said before that she "doesn't want to enter her 30s with someone who is her boyfriend unless she knows it can last for ever". In a way I'm not in a hurry, because I see us progressing with every week this relationship moves forward. At the same time I kind of want to know what we are to one another.
There are no rules to love and relationships. But 2 months is too soon to commit in my opinion...she is still someone you don't know. I waited a whole year to commit to my guy ... that is probably too long for most people but it worked for me. Good luck...this is a sweet post. I hope it works out for you.
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