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Old 03-12-2018, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy View Post
This sounds a lot like many people coming onto this subsection of the forum asking for relationship 'advice.'

It is the reason why some people just cannot seem to maintain a healthy relationship, nor find a relationship partner in the first place. It is the reason why people keep making the same unhealthy mistakes time after time in choice of a partner.

The answer is simple, if anyone has issues with relationships in general or finding the 'right' person, the first thing you need to do is to fix yourself. Acknowledge your short comings and understand your past history and then go from there.

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle...-a3785851.html
This is basic developmental psych stuff.

But everyone who chooses to forego relationships or just doesn't happen to be in any isn't necessarily suffering from attachment disorders.
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Old 03-12-2018, 09:36 PM
 
1,713 posts, read 1,102,359 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
But everyone who chooses to forego relationships or just doesn't happen to be in any isn't necessarily suffering from attachment disorders.
What puzzles me, and I use the word 'puzzles' in the technical sense of 'really, really irritates me' is the way people all too often assume the opposite.
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:55 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,691,276 times
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It's not that simple. Many people who fear a strong attachment actually attach very quickly, like a whilrwind in your life. Then they become fearful and look for reasons to withdraw. And finally, they are gone like a flash, leaving you bewildered.

Sound familiar?
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:34 AM
 
5,460 posts, read 7,746,080 times
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Jc, is avoidant attachment style in relationships also related to and/or associated with Avoidant Personality Disorder? After reading the article in the OP, they seem to be similar in many ways?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoida...ality_disorder
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Old 03-13-2018, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarPaladin View Post
Jc, is avoidant attachment style in relationships also related to and/or associated with Avoidant Personality Disorder? After reading the article in the OP, they seem to be similar in many ways?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoida...ality_disorder
I wonder.

Reading the original article, I see a lot of that stuff in myself and in relationships I have been in. Early on, I have anxiousness, and I often attract anxiously attached partners, but further into a relationship, it's almost like the avoidance soothes the anxiety. I get like "what if I'm not good enough for him?" and it trips a reaction of "well, just don't care so much, and it won't matter." Then I get somewhat withdrawn.

No one can hurt you if you don't really care.

Probably has also to do with how superficial most of my friendships are. I'm really good at that initial connection. People meet me and they're excited to get to know me, I can accumulate quite a "fan club" in no time...but I feel like once I let people in more, spend more time with them, try to build a real friendship...I'm unlikable deeper down. Once I've told all my stories, I'm just boring. And friends always drift away eventually, so it's hard to get invested with people.

That of course also happens in my relationships, where I feel like I can't keep being exciting, so any partner will always wind up disappointed. It is really difficult to deal with the constant conflict of wanting to pull people closer, and push them away or run and hide. Like being an extrovert and an introvert--at the same time.

Maybe this has nothing to do with any of this stuff. I don't really know. I'm not a professional. *shrug*
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