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It's likely not indicated until after the replacements.
It is most definitely indicated. The girl has gone from independence to reliance on a wheelchair, I would bet my professional license she's been prescribed PT. that is normally the first line of defense, conservative approaches are tried well before you get to surgery stage.
No halfway competent Dr would watch a person decline and not prescribe therapy to slow that decline and get her stronger.
We've had patients who were sent to rehab in order to get stronger just to be able to get surgery.
I do want to warn OP her rehab is going to be slow as she is weak and can barely walk now. She's not going to get new hips and hop up and be normal.Her rehab is going to be much slower than a person who doesn't have a debilitating disease aside from an arthritic hip.
She may go from a wheelchair to a walker, but she may never walk like the rest of us, and she will get weaker with time. But the way you said you hope she's better by such and such time is not realistic to her diagnosis..
I just would hate to see this girl really start to count on and depend on you, then you decide it's too much to deal with. Decide now, with the knowledge she will always have problems getting around and will most likely never be independent, especially considering she is so passive about her condition.
It is most definitely indicated. The girl has gone from independence to reliance on a wheelchair, I would bet my professional license she's been prescribed PT. that is normally the first line of defense, conservative approaches are tried well before you get to surgery stage.
No halfway competent Dr would watch a person decline and not prescribe therapy to slow that decline and get her stronger.
We've had patients who were sent to rehab in order to get stronger just to be able to get surgery.
I do want to warn OP her rehab is going to be slow as she is weak and can barely walk now. She's not going to get new hips and hop up and be normal.Her rehab is going to be much slower than a person who doesn't have a debilitating disease aside from an arthritic hip.
She may go from a wheelchair to a walker, but she may never walk like the rest of us, and she will get weaker with time. But the way you said you hope she's better by such and such time is not realistic to her diagnosis..
I just would hate to see this girl really start to count on and depend on you, then you decide it's too much to deal with. Decide now, with the knowledge she will always have problems getting around and will most likely never be independent, especially considering she is so passive about her condition.
Like I said, I don't know whether she's been prescribed PT and simply has not done it, or if it was never prescribed. In any event, she hasn't actually "done" any. She's extremely frustrated with the medical care she's had here and she said she wants to go back to Tampa as soon as she can walk.
She is going to the local ortho here today for the consultation about the hip replacement. Apparently other exams and such have taken place, so the "back story" should mostly be in. I'm hoping they prescribe therapy in the near future. Like you, I'm concerned that even if she is approved for surgery, that she is so weak now that the recovery time may be double or triple a normal recovery time, if she can really get over it at all.
She's barely eating and not drinking much other than Dr. Pepper. She wanted chicken fries and a Coke icee last night from Burger King. She eats one chicken fry and I don't think she ate anything rest of the day. She drank just a bit of the icee. She's never eaten a lot, but she's gone from eating small portions to nearly nothing this past week or so. She said she'd promise to lay off the Dr. Pepper and drink more water, and talk to her GP about her lack of appetite. The family does not even have any bottled water there.
Home health came in yesterday and her PT/INR was at 8. They've taken her off the warfarin for at least a couple of days to see if they can get that to come back down. She says she should be around 3.
I went over there last night and I'm really concerned about the whole family dynamic, but ultimately I can't change it nor is it my place to go off on them. Grandma was there all day and three large kitchen can size bags of garbage were in the kitchen. She can get up and down the stairs - why wouldn't she take it to the Waste Management can outside? They didn't appear to be heavy. The house smelled terrible.
A cat either coughed up a hairball or defecated on girlfriend's nightstand. There were a couple small bags of trash with tissues, old dryer sheets, candy wrappers, and other small trash in girlfriend's bedroom that she said mom/grandma haven't gotten around to throwing away. I guess I didn't notice it before, but 2/4 light bulbs in her ceiling fan were removed and not replaced, so that's why the bedroom is dark. The house doesn't appear to have been vacuumed in months. I cleaned her bedroom up a bit last night and there were balls of animal hair everywhere. Sometimes a cat or dog will get stuck in there when the door is shut and I wouldn't be at all surprised if the animals were urinating or defecating in there. She got the dogs when she was healthy, but the dogs and cats just running in and out as they please isn't the right fit now.
She was a bridesmaid in her best friend's wedding last year before her hips gave out, and her best friend came back in town and saw her Sunday. GF said her best friend was also concerned about the living conditions. The accumulating trash, turd/hairball on the nightstand, animal hair everywhere, lack of vacuuming, and all the inside animals are making me lean more toward hoarder/deplorable than just poor housekeeping.
GF called me last night about 10 after she got out of the shower. She leaves the bathroom door open in case she falls, and overheard her mom and grandma were raising their voices and arguing - grandma said GF needs to go to a mental hospital. I heard mom and grandma arguing when I was over there and mom said something about "cutting her service," likely referring to grandma. The "adults" can't even get along with each other.
Her health situation is not good. That's just the way it is. There are going to be a lot of struggles with her health, but the situation in the home makes an already difficult issue completely unworkable. The mess is not sanitary at all. There's no way to easily get her in and out of that split foyer now. The family can't get along with themselves to get her on the best road possible. I don't even want to go over there with the dogs constantly barking and people arguing.
I hate to let her go because I really do like her and care about her, but there is a lot more than just the health challenges themselves going on.
This sounds like a horrible situation and I feel tired and defeated just hearing about it.
She's in a very tough spot - frankly, how does she even have the energy to date? 100% of her time and energy needs to be focused on her health and getting into a better living situation. Cynically, you may be the means to that end. But you'd likely be better off being a helpful friend (who doesn't get entwined in this bad family dynamic) than a BOYfriend/white knight.
Consider what SHE really needs and the healthiest role for you to play, if any, in all this.
This sounds like a horrible situation and I feel tired and defeated just hearing about it.
She's in a very tough spot - frankly, how does she even have the energy to date? 100% of her time and energy needs to be focused on her health and getting into a better living situation. Cynically, you may be the means to that end. But you'd likely be better off being a helpful friend (who doesn't get entwined in this bad family dynamic) than a BOYfriend/white knight.
Consider what SHE really needs and the healthiest role for you to play, if any, in all this.
At first, I thought the family were messy and a bit weird, but they're much more seriously dysfunctional than that. She didn't even want to eat at the table last night because she was so sick of her grandmother. Grandmother doesn't have a positive word to say about anything or anyone. I brought her chicken fries in, and I had a burger and fries for myself. I can't sit comfortably on the bed, so I just sat down and ate in the wheelchair. Of course, one of the dogs jumps in my lap trying to take my burger away.
I shouldn't be the one having to put light bulbs in to keep the room from being dark, or cleaning up animal mess in spots she can't get to. I shouldn't be having to bring in bottled water for her. That's just basic stuff they should do.
She's not the problem. The family is, but given her situation, that's where she's stuck for now. I think even her health issues would be much more tolerable for everyone if the family wasn't caught in this screwed up dynamic, and they operated like normal people.
OP: I am truly very sorry to hear about the current situation
A few questions:
(1) Is there any possibility that your gf would be open or agreeable to having another family that would be better-equipped to care for them adopt her cats/dogs/animals? (That way, the animals would no longer be an issue?)
(2) Have you considered or potentially thought about allowing your gf to move in with you? The reason I inquire is just because if she were hypothetically residing with you for example, she would no longer have to associate with her toxic family members to the extent that she is now?
Anyways, just some thoughts / ideas...again I am sorry that the family is being so incredibly difficult and unsupportive, of even her most basic needs...
Like I said, I don't know whether she's been prescribed PT and simply has not done it, or if it was never prescribed. In any event, she hasn't actually "done" any. She's extremely frustrated with the medical care she's had here and she said she wants to go back to Tampa as soon as she can walk.
She is going to the local ortho here today for the consultation about the hip replacement. Apparently other exams and such have taken place, so the "back story" should mostly be in. I'm hoping they prescribe therapy in the near future. Like you, I'm concerned that even if she is approved for surgery, that she is so weak now that the recovery time may be double or triple a normal recovery time, if she can really get over it at all.
She's barely eating and not drinking much other than Dr. Pepper. She wanted chicken fries and a Coke icee last night from Burger King. She eats one chicken fry and I don't think she ate anything rest of the day. She drank just a bit of the icee. She's never eaten a lot, but she's gone from eating small portions to nearly nothing this past week or so. She said she'd promise to lay off the Dr. Pepper and drink more water, and talk to her GP about her lack of appetite. The family does not even have any bottled water there.
Home health came in yesterday and her PT/INR was at 8. They've taken her off the warfarin for at least a couple of days to see if they can get that to come back down. She says she should be around 3.
I went over there last night and I'm really concerned about the whole family dynamic, but ultimately I can't change it nor is it my place to go off on them. Grandma was there all day and three large kitchen can size bags of garbage were in the kitchen. She can get up and down the stairs - why wouldn't she take it to the Waste Management can outside? They didn't appear to be heavy. The house smelled terrible.
A cat either coughed up a hairball or defecated on girlfriend's nightstand. There were a couple small bags of trash with tissues, old dryer sheets, candy wrappers, and other small trash in girlfriend's bedroom that she said mom/grandma haven't gotten around to throwing away. I guess I didn't notice it before, but 2/4 light bulbs in her ceiling fan were removed and not replaced, so that's why the bedroom is dark. The house doesn't appear to have been vacuumed in months. I cleaned her bedroom up a bit last night and there were balls of animal hair everywhere. Sometimes a cat or dog will get stuck in there when the door is shut and I wouldn't be at all surprised if the animals were urinating or defecating in there. She got the dogs when she was healthy, but the dogs and cats just running in and out as they please isn't the right fit now.
She was a bridesmaid in her best friend's wedding last year before her hips gave out, and her best friend came back in town and saw her Sunday. GF said her best friend was also concerned about the living conditions. The accumulating trash, turd/hairball on the nightstand, animal hair everywhere, lack of vacuuming, and all the inside animals are making me lean more toward hoarder/deplorable than just poor housekeeping.
GF called me last night about 10 after she got out of the shower. She leaves the bathroom door open in case she falls, and overheard her mom and grandma were raising their voices and arguing - grandma said GF needs to go to a mental hospital. I heard mom and grandma arguing when I was over there and mom said something about "cutting her service," likely referring to grandma. The "adults" can't even get along with each other.
Her health situation is not good. That's just the way it is. There are going to be a lot of struggles with her health, but the situation in the home makes an already difficult issue completely unworkable. The mess is not sanitary at all. There's no way to easily get her in and out of that split foyer now. The family can't get along with themselves to get her on the best road possible. I don't even want to go over there with the dogs constantly barking and people arguing.
I hate to let her go because I really do like her and care about her, but there is a lot more than just the health challenges themselves going on.
I repeat my earlier assertion that you think you can save this girl, be the white knight that saves her from her family. But IMO you are way too enmeshed this early. It's not your business why her grandmother didn't take the trash out. You sound like you're spending way too much time trying to advise her and change her habits. You can't fix her. Accept her, or don't.
I have been there. Due to early childhood crap, I spent decades picking "fixer uppers". I thought if I just said things the right way, found the perfect article that I would say it or send it and he would stop doing whatever self-destructive things he was doing. It was all very unhealthy co-dependent crap. It didn't have to be big things, often it was the guy who never got over a broken heart and could never trust again...*sigh* those guys were one of my favorites.
This doesn't mean in a relationship you can't help each other. My honey is worse ADHD even then me. He has horrible money management skills and just has been lucky he makes enough to get by...but he was wasting hundreds a year on late fees and returned payment fees. and his credit is poor.
So I am getting him online and semi-organized, and also just taking over our shared bills and setting reminders up on his devices. This isn't just for me, it's for him. My biggest fear is something happens to me and he will never in a million years qualify to take over the mortgage on his own due to his credit. He can't even get cable in his own name. I am doing this because I love him and want to make sure he's okay as much as I can for as long as I can.
BUT the difference is, he wants to be better at this. He would like to be able to have more money saved and better credit. He likes that I'm helping him and admits he hates this sort of thing and would prefer me to just take it all over, lol.
The other really big difference is we've been together for 3 years and own a home together.You've had a handful of dates with this girl and aren't even committed to a future with her, yet you are getting involved in every aspect of her life. I would never have involved myself while we were just dating.
And I still don't involve myself where his family is concerned. There are a couple members who I feel take advantage or behave selfishly toward him, but it is his family, not mine, and I have to accept all of them if I accept him. Thinking they should behave differently is one thing, but it's not your place to say it either to her and most especially to them, so I hope you're not planning to.
I love the detail about feeding a malnourished, bedridden person Dr Pepper and chicken fries, LOL. Classic. No such thing as Ensure in this particular world.
I love the detail about feeding a malnourished, bedridden person Dr Pepper and chicken fries, LOL. Classic. No such thing as Ensure in this particular world.
There were two in her fridge.
Anyway, she called me at lunch saying she's being admitted to the hospital, expects to be in there "for a few days," and is going for a CAT scan.
I feel awful for her and I really do like her, but this is a rollercoaster. I have a legal matter coming up later this week and I'm under enough stress from that until it shakes out. I can't really deal with this rollercoaster and all the family drama right now.
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