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Old 03-13-2018, 09:41 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,011 posts, read 21,025,382 times
Reputation: 43411

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If for some reason you still decide to pursue this a bit longer please don't ask her to drive.
I recently did PT for my shoulder, the problems didn't affect just my shoulder, they affect the strength and ability to easily move my arm and to some extent the grip strength of my hand. I would imagine that a hip problem would greatly affect her ability to move and control her legs and feet, to the point that an 'easy' drive could become quite dangerous.

 
Old 03-13-2018, 09:43 AM
 
5,460 posts, read 7,746,080 times
Reputation: 4631
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDistinguishedGentleman View Post
Bad genetics.

What's your end goal here? Hopefully not marriage and children, lest your children be equally crippled.
Not to go OT -- request if you could please try to be a little sensitive with the language; not sure if you were aware so just thought I'd briefly mention that in this context and for people with disabilities, the "c" word (cr*ppl*) is nearly functionally the same as calling an African American person the "n" word (the "n" word being 100% socially unacceptable and offensive, for obvious reasons).
 
Old 03-13-2018, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
(snip). I asked her last night about physical therapy, and it was kind of like a lightbulb went off in her head. She said she hasn't even asked about it.

(snip).

She had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon Wednesday. Her mom canceled the appointment because it was "too much trouble for all three of them (young woman, mom, grandma) to all get ready and be there by 9." Grandma and mom aren't disabled. The doctor is about fifteen minutes away. I don't understand why they couldn't get up between 6-7 like most working people have to do and be there by 9. Things like that just make me scratch my head at all this.
Who does not even think about asking about physical therapy when they are diagnosed with a debilitating disease?

And, who cancels a 9 AM orthopedic surgeon appointment, 15 minutes away, because it is too early? Didn't they know that it was 9 AM when they made the appointment? It may be months before the get another appointment.

You don't want to get involved with this woman, or her family.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 10:11 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,978,903 times
Reputation: 30753
Quote:
Originally Posted by wherewhatwho View Post
At first, I was thinking "Wow I wonder why a very young woman in this state would even BE on Tinder in the first place without first attempting to make herself better in every way possible."

THEN, I read the part about how she was with a previous guy for the last 6 years. I guarantee you that he fulfilled the caretaker role until he couldn't handle it anymore and she is looking for a replacement. She probably had him wrapped around her finger and that's why she cries for help at every little thing. He probably did everything for her, enabling the co-dependence. She is completely dependent on others when it appears she does not have to be, if only she would put forth some effort.

To me, that is not a quality I would want in a potential partner, so before you take on the caretaker role, I would cut your losses. Plenty of other healthy women in the world, or at least women who would put forth ANY effort if they were not healthy.

You can't guarantee that. She broke up with him.


OP, just curious...and it's not your job, but have you studied up on Lupus? Are you familiar with the symptoms, etc.?


There are a LOT of sucky awful diseases. Lupus is one of them. If you haven't already, read up on it.


My SIL had Lupus. On a good day, she weighed 98 pounds. Not all Lupus patients balloon up. Some shrivel down. That woman had no appetite to speak of.


I'm sitting here reading about your friend...and I kind of want to cry for her.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 10:38 AM
 
3,271 posts, read 2,180,151 times
Reputation: 2458
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
NO. NO. NO.


Be a friend to her. But not her romantic partner.
I didn't even think of this. This is great advice.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Florida
23,164 posts, read 26,118,923 times
Reputation: 27898
Dealing with the probable learned attitude of inertia would , I think, be a much bigger problem than her disorders.
Even as just a friend that would most likely get very frustrating and tiring
 
Old 03-13-2018, 11:14 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43041
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Dealing with the probable learned attitude of inertia would , I think, be a much bigger problem than her disorders.
Even as just a friend that would most likely get very frustrating and tiring
yes, but then he'll be over her faster than breaking up now and always feel bad about it.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 11:16 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Your OP title says you "click well" but it's simply not true. You are very critical of how she lives and how she treats herself. Which is understandable. But don't mistake whatever you are feeling for compatibility.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 12:16 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
2,161 posts, read 3,320,486 times
Reputation: 2798
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
She had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon Wednesday. Her mom canceled the appointment because it was "too much trouble for all three of them (young woman, mom, grandma) to all get ready and be there by 9." Grandma and mom aren't disabled. The doctor is about fifteen minutes away. I don't understand why they couldn't get up between 6-7 like most working people have to do and be there by 9. Things like that just make me scratch my head at all this.
So many red flags . Why is her MOM cancelling her appointments? Why doesn't she handle it herself? If her mom/grandmother won't take her because it's too early, why doesn't she call a taxi/uber/medical transport to get to the appointment? Not much initiative on her part to seek medical help or handle her own affairs.
 
Old 03-13-2018, 12:46 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
You can't guarantee that. She broke up with him.


OP, just curious...and it's not your job, but have you studied up on Lupus? Are you familiar with the symptoms, etc.?


There are a LOT of sucky awful diseases. Lupus is one of them. If you haven't already, read up on it.


My SIL had Lupus. On a good day, she weighed 98 pounds. Not all Lupus patients balloon up. Some shrivel down. That woman had no appetite to speak of.


I'm sitting here reading about your friend...and I kind of want to cry for her.
I was thinking along these lines, too. AFAIK, Lupus is fatal. The future with this woman doesn't look bright, OP. And with that added bit of info, about how she can't even count on her family's support to get to an important medical appointment, it indicates an unusual amount of baggage in the family. Not a pretty scenario at all. Does she deserve love and support? Of course. But are you sure you want to wade into all that?
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