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As someone with significant health problems I hope she finds someone else,you call her a whiner in one post,think she should have more get up and go,my gosh there's no empathy for the hell she's going through.I truly hope she finds someone who will take great care and love with her.I think only a soulmate would endure this sort of thing.Not someone who is going on about how much hotter she was before she got ill.
So 22. Straight A's in high school. Likely a 1300 combined SAT Math & Verbal score. Massive potential.
What's her plan to get out of her situation? Lupus can be managed if you're in a major city. Not so much in Eastern Tennessee.
The description of the home sounds like they are poor. The girl doesn’t work and is most likely on Medicaid. She’s not going to have options of going to the best hospitals and rehab centers. She also doesn’t sound all that motivated or proactive regarding her health.
So 22. Straight A's in high school. Likely a 1300 combined SAT Math & Verbal score. Massive potential.
What's her plan to get out of her situation? Lupus can be managed if you're in a major city. Not so much in Eastern Tennessee.
Chicken and egg problem right now.
With the avascular necrosis in the hip caused from the high dosage prednisone, she needs the hips fixed in order to be more mobile to do anything. If she gets more mobile, then everything else falls into (a more realistic chance of treating) place. I think she definitely needs to look at additional options in Knoxville and out of area, if possible.
She does have some income through SSI, and can remain on her mom's insurance until 26. That's three years.
We went to Bonefish and the mall last night. Doing anything is s-l-o-w. I have to unlock then load the wheelchair. Unload it and lock it back. I obviously have to slow down from my normal walking pace rolling the chair.
Her mom was friendly last night, but she seems like a complete airhead and not really capable of dealing with this kind of thing. I pulled in the driveway (which is on a steep hill) straight in, with the passenger side on the right. Her mom's car is on my driver's side. Her mom wanted me to back in - I'd have to go out to the street, back down a steep hill in the dark, and wedge between a Tahoe and Santa Fe. The odds of me hitting something were pretty high. I asked her, why don't I just roll her around in the wheelchair to your car? She said she didn't even think of that. The grandma is totally nuts. I came in the house, and she was talking to me about her 13 year old cat. She said "they can't die soon enough" with a straight face. Grandma is 80, has no disabilities, gets around great, but hasn't driven since they moved from Florida twelve years ago. The dad got some job up here, then the rest of the family, including grandma, followed later.
I gave her my old iPad Air 2 last night. I also don't know why they haven't gotten her a phone to be able to communicate.
I also made it clear to her that regardless of relationship, I'm not sticking around this area for too much longer. Unless the economy totally melts down, I'm out of here by the end of next year, at the latest. I enjoyed being back here for the first six months to a year, but it's been a real slog since last fall or so. Keep in mind most of my family and friends have never lived outside the area, so talking to them about why mainstream USA is better than screwball Tennessee is fruitless.
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 03-15-2018 at 07:01 AM..
As someone with significant health problems I hope she finds someone else,you call her a whiner in one post,think she should have more get up and go,my gosh there's no empathy for the hell she's going through.I truly hope she finds someone who will take great care and love with her.I think only a soulmate would endure this sort of thing.Not someone who is going on about how much hotter she was before she got ill.
She was just fine yesterday and got through things. She admits she easily gets upset sometimes, but who wouldn't be under the circumstances?
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Her family seems to be neglecting her to the point of abuse.
I think they're doing the best they can. It's not abuse, but there seems to be a lack of common sense that I think could easily lead to neglect. Does a person with a weak immune system and an autoimmune disorder need to be in a house with at least four cats and two dogs? One of the cats is a two month old kitten. They've continued to accrue animals even after she got sick. Why do you not get someone who has had medical emergencies (stroke), has mobility problems, etc., a phone? The phone thing is just befuddling to me.
The description of the home sounds like they are poor. The girl doesn’t work and is most likely on Medicaid. She’s not going to have options of going to the best hospitals and rehab centers. She also doesn’t sound all that motivated or proactive regarding her health.
Both of the parents work full-time. She works as an office manager at a car dealership. He has a full-time job, and a part-time job in the magistrate courts setting bond for defendants and as an umpire for kids baseball games. I don't know if he makes any money off the umpiring or not. Their son/her brother is a good baseball player is a pretty good collegiate baseball player at "regional state U" and is just holding out in school until he hopefully gets drafted. He has no plans other than baseball. They seem to be a lot prouder of him on Facebook than they are of her, though she was the one that went to Vanderbilt.
The house is nasty and hasn't been remodeled, but it was a middle class house when it was built, and probably fine, but dated, when they bought it around 2006. The condition of the house is a result of their lack of keeping it up and personal habits. The house looks fine from the outside and the neighbor is middle class. They're not affluent, but they're not bottom of the barrel Tennessee poor either.
Just my own personal thoughts: if the OP's girlfriend is serious about and committed to addressing her health problems in a meaningful way in the near-future -- for example, getting her hip, etc. treated so that she can regain as much as possible of her mobility -- there is really no reason that I can think of about why she could not be a wonderful and excellent long-term romantic partner for him. Is the family a little off sure, but at the same time she doesn't really seem to be on the same negative wavelength as them either. Just because she happens to have physical disabilities doesn't mean that she can't be any less loving to him, as a partner, and again assuming that she is genuinely dedicated to seeking the needed medical treatment, with treatment it sounds like the disability could eventually become much less of a limiting factor than it is now regarding the internal dynamics of the relationship.
Just my own personal thoughts: if the OP's girlfriend is serious about and committed to addressing her health problems in a meaningful way in the near-future -- for example, getting her hip, etc. treated so that she can regain as much as possible of her mobility -- there is really no reason that I can think of about why she could not be a wonderful and excellent long-term romantic partner for him. Is the family a little off sure, but at the same time she doesn't really seem to be on the same negative wavelength as them either. Just because she happens to have physical disabilities doesn't mean that she can't be any less loving to him, as a partner, and again assuming that she is genuinely dedicated to seeking the needed medical treatment, with treatment it sounds like the disability could eventually become much less of a limiting factor than it is now regarding the internal dynamics of the relationship.
Part of the problem is that she's at her mom's mercy now on the transportation. Keep in mind she's only been in the wheelchair about six months. Before that, she was getting herself to all of her own appointments. She manages her own bills, best as she can now. We did get some stares last night because she prefers to scoot herself along with her feet in the chair rather than be pushed.
Regarding the bills, I don't know if I could ever marry into that. She's only had one credit card, but the medical bills are obviously piling up and getting charged off. My credit score is in the low 800s. I don't want to get financially entangled in a bunch of medical debt that wasn't mine and wasn't run up during the course of a marriage.
They were able to get an appointment with the surgeon within two weeks. She's apparently going to have to stay on her mom to not cancel out, as utterly ridiculous as that seems.
If she's no closer to getting surgery six months from now, that's a different conversation.
Part of the problem is that she's at her mom's mercy now on the transportation.
It's a shame that there is no such thing as a transportation service that will answer a call to pick you up and drop you off places in exchange for legal tender.
Why hasn't someone invented that yet?
If she is worried about her mom cancelling her appointment, she needs to tell the medical office that her mother is not permitted to make or break appointments in her name, or she will sue them for HIPAA privacy violation. She is a Vanderbilt graduate. I am shocked that she has no idea how to handle a problem like this.
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