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Glad to know this approach is working out for you. I'm curious, though, about your recent thread in the Weddings forum regarding buying a wedding dress online. Was it just general curiosity on the topic that prompted you to start that thread?
Got a lot of friends throwing around terms like "solo poly" and "relationship anarchy" who are basically just happily doing what the OP is doing.
Someone said something about "respect" and another person said "what you get is nothing." I question both of those things. They imply the old paradigm that a man should be paying a woman for sex, if not right up front with money, then (implying that her sex and love are worth a higher price) with a lifetime commitment, all the fruits of his labors, protecting and providing and a family and all that jazz.
You know, if I'm having sex with someone I'd really like for it to be as good an experience for me, as it is for him. If I'm spending time dating someone, I hope I'm enjoying their company as much as they are enjoying mine. If these things are true, then WHY must he "pay" when both of us are already getting an equal benefit?
It was a conversation I once had with a FWB/FB sort of person...if I enjoy our conversations, and the sex, at least as much as he is doing, then why is more than that required? Especially if I don't even WANT the "more?"
Should she submit to a living situation she doesn't want to deal with, cooking for and cleaning up after some dude, just to prove to the world that he "respects" her...by what, leaving messes for her to clean?... If that is getting "something" then maybe getting "nothing" is better. An entangled life bond is not necessarily the end-all, be-all of a romantic connection. It doesn't have to be. A person can have a very fulfilling and highly enjoyable experience, that has its season in the sun, runs its course, and eventually ends when people are ready for it to end.
OP, congratulations on discovering a new side of yourself that is able to enjoy this kind of interaction. Just do keep in mind safer sex protocols, not only pregnancy prevention (which I hope you are on top of) but also getting checked out from time to time for STIs...after all, you have some idea of the fact he's seeing other women, so you are not in a "closed" relationship configuration and you do need to take precautions to protect your health and that of your partners.
Upsadaisy--so glad to hear that this is working for you. The happiness and positive feelings come out in your post. That makes me and many of the other posters here that support you very happy!
Since my relationships in the past have turned out all so bad I decided that this year I would try something different. I had never casual dated before and was feeling really split on if it as something I should do or not. I had never been that type of person and never thought I could be, have always been a relationship type of girl but my love life has never worked out.
So I tried something different and have never been more happy!
I’m dating now, one guy pretty often. We go out, sometimes we stay in. We text etc and we talk about dumb stuff but also have serious convos about life. Its easy with him. He listens to me and I actually don’t feel judged by him. We just... have fun lol.
My biggest worry was getting attached or falling in love since I’m def a person that catches feelings but this time while I care about him, I know that this won’t last forever s. He has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to be tied down and that he sees other girls. I’m okay with that actually. Never thought that I would be but I just don’t take it seriously. When we go out we have fun and I don’t think about anything else’s. Its been really nice actually.
I’m dating and keeping it casual and its been nice! I feel like there’s no pressure and I’m not tyed down to anyone. In the past I have gotten with guys and felt like I had to take care of them. With my ex fiance he always needed me to cook for him, to do everything. Now the guy I’m seeing takes care of me LOL. And actually LIKES to spend time with me. It’s pretty awesome
This year has def been a year of trying new things. I think whats helped me is not having high expectations (most important) going with the flow and not taking things so seriously. I feel like I’m getting all the good stuff that you get out of a relationship but w/out all of the bad stuff if that makes sense lol.
Anyway I thought this might help someone else out there like me.. its totally okay to have 0 expectations and to have fun. I never thought I’d like casual dating but it’s been great.
This makes me so happy to hear... The only thing is...
Oh, nothing. This is your day for joy. Enjoy it to the fullest.
I understand where you are in the dating scene at this time. My concern is that if you have no expectations, what you get is nothing. If it works for you, all good.
And that is not so bad... to have this concern or to get what you are concerned about.
Got a lot of friends throwing around terms like "solo poly" and "relationship anarchy" who are basically just happily doing what the OP is doing.
Someone said something about "respect" and another person said "what you get is nothing." I question both of those things. They imply the old paradigm that a man should be paying a woman for sex, if not right up front with money, then (implying that her sex and love are worth a higher price) with a lifetime commitment, all the fruits of his labors, protecting and providing and a family and all that jazz.
You know, if I'm having sex with someone I'd really like for it to be as good an experience for me, as it is for him. If I'm spending time dating someone, I hope I'm enjoying their company as much as they are enjoying mine. If these things are true, then WHY must he "pay" when both of us are already getting an equal benefit?
It was a conversation I once had with a FWB/FB sort of person...if I enjoy our conversations, and the sex, at least as much as he is doing, then why is more than that required? Especially if I don't even WANT the "more?"
Should she submit to a living situation she doesn't want to deal with, cooking for and cleaning up after some dude, just to prove to the world that he "respects" her...by what, leaving messes for her to clean?... If that is getting "something" then maybe getting "nothing" is better. An entangled life bond is not necessarily the end-all, be-all of a romantic connection. It doesn't have to be. A person can have a very fulfilling and highly enjoyable experience, that has its season in the sun, runs its course, and eventually ends when people are ready for it to end.
OP, congratulations on discovering a new side of yourself that is able to enjoy this kind of interaction. Just do keep in mind safer sex protocols, not only pregnancy prevention (which I hope you are on top of) but also getting checked out from time to time for STIs...after all, you have some idea of the fact he's seeing other women, so you are not in a "closed" relationship configuration and you do need to take precautions to protect your health and that of your partners.
That's easy. All you have to do is make it as miserable as possible for the slob.
That's easy. All you have to do is make it as miserable as possible for the slob.
Aww. That's not nice, some guys are really fun in bed, you know.
I'm lucky, I got one of the good ones, and we decided to stick around in each other's lives, so I get to enjoy him a while. But taking "more serious" relationship steps was always a matter of time and talking, it wasn't something we had assumed expectations about.
Like when we moved in together, I figured that both of us could benefit, getting a nicer place than either of us had, by pooling our resources. We talked about it, how it might work out well for each of us, what the challenges might be, and how to deal with them. I certainly didn't expect that we'd be bonded like this when we first got together, nor probably for the first several months or so...it just evolved that way.
And I had other relationships that did not go that direction, and that have ended, but I don't see those as failures. Just, as I've said, they had their season, and then the season turned. I've got good memories, and some of them wound up being good (life-long, I hope) friends not only to me, but also to my boyfriend.
Anyhow, good things have come about from just taking things for what they are today, and not worrying too much about tomorrow. The worst of my relationships were more about not being happy with today, but hoping it would be better tomorrow. Every unhappy today became an unhappy yesterday, and the happy tomorrow never came. Expectations indeed...
Got a lot of friends throwing around terms like "solo poly" and "relationship anarchy" who are basically just happily doing what the OP is doing.
Someone said something about "respect" and another person said "what you get is nothing." I question both of those things. They imply the old paradigm that a man should be paying a woman for sex, if not right up front with money, then (implying that her sex and love are worth a higher price) with a lifetime commitment, all the fruits of his labors, protecting and providing and a family and all that jazz.
You know, if I'm having sex with someone I'd really like for it to be as good an experience for me, as it is for him. If I'm spending time dating someone, I hope I'm enjoying their company as much as they are enjoying mine. If these things are true, then WHY must he "pay" when both of us are already getting an equal benefit?
It was a conversation I once had with a FWB/FB sort of person...if I enjoy our conversations, and the sex, at least as much as he is doing, then why is more than that required? Especially if I don't even WANT the "more?"
Should she submit to a living situation she doesn't want to deal with, cooking for and cleaning up after some dude, just to prove to the world that he "respects" her...by what, leaving messes for her to clean?... If that is getting "something" then maybe getting "nothing" is better. An entangled life bond is not necessarily the end-all, be-all of a romantic connection. It doesn't have to be. A person can have a very fulfilling and highly enjoyable experience, that has its season in the sun, runs its course, and eventually ends when people are ready for it to end.
OP, congratulations on discovering a new side of yourself that is able to enjoy this kind of interaction. Just do keep in mind safer sex protocols, not only pregnancy prevention (which I hope you are on top of) but also getting checked out from time to time for STIs...after all, you have some idea of the fact he's seeing other women, so you are not in a "closed" relationship configuration and you do need to take precautions to protect your health and that of your partners.
I’m pretty sure he sees other girls. We just don’t talk about it really? And I don’t ask. Weirdly enough I have not cared. Weird for me lol. I guess it makes sense tho because it’s not that kind of relationship. We have fun no strings attached. We both know each other dates other people.
Its just really easy and nit complicated. I’m getting all the good stuff without the drama and hard work basically lol.
Glad to know this approach is working out for you. I'm curious, though, about your recent thread in the Weddings forum regarding buying a wedding dress online. Was it just general curiosity on the topic that prompted you to start that thread?
I’m pretty sure he sees other girls. We just don’t talk about it really? And I don’t ask. Weirdly enough I have not cared. Weird for me lol. I guess it makes sense tho because it’s not that kind of relationship. We have fun no strings attached. We both know each other dates other people.
Its just really easy and nit complicated. I’m getting all the good stuff without the drama and hard work basically lol.
I had one of those. I was pretty sure (assumed) he was seeing other women. I didn't mind. He eventually flaked out on me, and that didn't exactly make me happy, but whatever he was doing with others wasn't an issue, nor was his lack of interest in commitment. I wasn't asking for a commitment. I was just enjoying him. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, and I have no regrets!
Just be responsible for your sexual health, that's all. I personally don't believe that catching something is the end of the world, just that you would want to find out fast if you did so that you could get the appropriate treatment. If you don't have health insurance and a regular doctor, there should be some kind of clinics in your area. When I was involved in more casual sex, poly, and open arrangements, with the risk that comes with them, I was getting tested as often as every 3 months.
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