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Of course they're "traditionally masculine" men. ALL the men I know, whose wives are salaried professionals, are in the construction trade. A couple of them are contractors. And the fact that the wife outearns them, has nothing to do with who the "protector" is. Nothing at all.
The quote about masculine men was about stay at home husbands, not contractors.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
One of your links was from 2006, hardly applicable to 2018.
2006 was not the stone age. The internet existed in 2006. Even though it was an old article, it was true in 2006 and true today.
Overall, the truth is that it depends on the two people involved in the relationship. Some are happy being a stay at home mom, stay at home dad, some would rather both parties be working (whatever kind of job), etc.
Overall, the truth is that it depends on the two people involved in the relationship. Some are happy being a stay at home mom, stay at home dad, some would rather both parties be working (whatever kind of job), etc.
How is this so hard to understand. This is the foundation of relationships, families and society. What works for the individuals involved. No scorekeeping needed.
Since all the men here, myself included, all appear to be upright walkers with nice knuckles I'll be the first to say it. Yeah, some men probably can't handle it. Let's keep it honest here people.
I agree.
Some men are very threatened by powerful women and wouldn't date one.
Do you think relationships where women out-earn their partners significantly can work?
After college, in my 20's, dealing with that debt, new job and early in my career and as a woman, my answer, was HELL NO! I remember my mind set back then, my prejudices, and the short answer to your question was a resounding NO.
Fast forward to my marriage at 45 and I out earned my husband by a lot. Our relationship and marriage was never about money, I just had the opportunity to earn more. I resented him for being lazy and not applying himself and that was the problem. But, if he, as a craftsman had tried rather than relied, I would have been fine.
IMHO, it comes down to your age and where you are in life.
I do find when a man and woman make about the same amount there is more problems than the other way around where one makes about 20% more+ Just like a business partnership you can't have parity, there has to be a boss.
I've had women friends that made more than their spouses and they always seem to be the one making the decisions and it seems to work that way.
One of your links was from 2006, hardly applicable to 2018. Another is talking about one member of the couple only having a part-time job, which might result in money problems for the couple which is also a key reason for divorce generally. It seems like the third study was “ONCE a woman started to outearn her husband” as opposed to relationships where the woman has outearned from the start. I know several relationships where the woman has always outearned and it has not been a problem. There are plenty of men I know who say they would absolutely be fine making less than their spouse or even staying at home, but they would go into a marriage with that attitude that they will not be the primary breadwinner. This is not even limited to people who are millennials. I have worked with people who are Gen X who had wives who made more than them (I worked in government) and they were all quite happy with the arrangement of having successful wives and dealing with more of the child rearing activities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Exactly. Marital strife comes about when the marriage dynamics change, or when a promise isn't kept. Not because they become uncomfortable with the status quo established at the start. This is common sense.
Both of these point to a thought I was having...expectations. I think that a mistake some make, especially when forming relationships young, is the thinking that "Well, ok, this partner has this fairly problematic trait now, but they're working on it, and it'll get better." Trying to be understanding, when the guy you like is "down on his luck" today, and having some faith he'll get better about stuff tomorrow. Sometimes that could be the case, but sometimes the tiger don't change his stripes. Sometimes he gets mad because his woman expects him to change. Even if what she wants is that he step up and act like as much of an adult as SHE is prepared to do.
And then some men really get all mental, if they don't have a feeling of purpose, that they are providing for their family. Don't know how anyone can be expected to be happy, if a woman is coming home from working and earning, to a guy who is unemployed or underemployed, and he's done nothing around the house all day, and he's in a bad mood on top of that and ready to start fights and cause friction. No one is happy in that situation. And since some percentage of households where the woman is out-earning the man, can be described thusly, I would say that they could account for some statistics, sure.
But to go back to "expectations"...I've found that people far more readily accept what they have a chance to agree to (or not) in the beginning, than if they've been led to believe they will have X, and instead end up with Y.
Personally I need a partner I can respect. He need not make what I make, but he's got to make enough to be in...what, my "lifestyle bracket" I guess?... But that includes so much more than income. It includes life habits, debts, obligations. You can make a lot but still be stretched too thin if you're financially irresponsible. Basically I want a partner I can respect for his adulting skills. Not someone who is fully capable of pulling his own weight, but instead hands me BS excuses and lives as my dependent. And most certainly not an underperforming house-husband, who lets the place be filthy, sits around high, drunk, or gaming all day, and yells at everyone. Nah, if I'm supporting you, the house had better be pristine, the kids had better be happy, and you had better make with the domestic harmony, just like I did during the brief times I was unemployed.
That was what happened at the end of my marriage to my ex. It wasn't that he had no job. We had enough money coming in between my pay and his disability. It was what he did with his days, sitting around self-medicating, bringing sketchy people into our house, and acting like a crazy jerk to everybody, letting the housework go, and acting mad that no one else was doing it...like, dude, if you're not working, it's not on us to do it. It's on YOU. Seemed like without a job to go to, he reverted to acting like a 15 year old boy. And then had the nerve to get mad that I didn't want to have sex with him. Mofo plz.
So yeah, that'll wreck a relationship quick.
Present bf doesn't make as much as me, but it's cool, because he acts like an adult, pays his share, cleans up after himself, and (most importantly perhaps) makes me happy, not miserable, and doesn't drink or smoke weed. At all, let alone all the time. I feel like I have a partner, not another kid, with him.
I have two close female friends who are CEOs of mid-sized companies and whose husbands earn substantially less in their jobs. Both marriages have lasted 30+ years and are on solid ground. I also have a female friend who has a high-profile job and makes a boatload of money, and her husband is a stay-at home dad. He maintains the house, inside and out, and works weekends as a church organist. It works for them.
In any marriage, if either partner feels threatened by the other's financial success, then it wasn't a good pairing to begin with.
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Depends
