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To expand on the headline - what do you think of relationships where women significantly out earn their male partners? Or there is a big gap in social class? Do you think these relationships can be successful? Have you seen it work? What are the keys to success or failure?
Works for me! Hubby was a blue collar worker. I made more than double than him. He is perfectly content and confident in himself as a man. He is proud of me. I am proud of him. He can repair anything and build most everything. He has more integrity and intelligence than a lot of people I know. Been married 35 years.
You guys know what I wish, in terms of employment, for my boyfriend?
I couldn't care less if he made minimum wage, so long as he could contribute what he has agreed to, but I sure wish he had a job that he found happy and fulfilling. That's rare enough for a lot of us. His job stresses him out, sometimes quite badly. Many's the evening I've rubbed his aching feet (he works on his feet all day) and heard him out when he needs to talk though the day's events, and wished he had a better job...not a higher paying one, just one that was more psychologically healthy for him.
I figure as long as we're comfortably making ends meet, happiness is more important than big bucks, by a very long shot. And past a certain point, the two things are not the same.
Many's the evening I've rubbed his aching feet (he works on his feet all day) and heard him out when he needs to talk though the day's events, and wished he had a better job
Have you talked to him about how you feel? Perhaps he'll be willing to get a job that doesn't require this, if you communicate your concerns to him.
Have you talked to him about how you feel? Perhaps he'll be willing to get a job that doesn't require this, if you communicate your concerns to him.
Of course. He's looking. I wish him success in this. Until he finds something else though, he's sticking with what he's got, which of course, is just good sense.
My point in my post was that his happiness means so much more to me, than how much money he makes.
To expand on the headline - what do you think of relationships where women significantly out earn their male partners? Or there is a big gap in social class? Do you think these relationships can be successful? Have you seen it work? What are the keys to success or failure?
Sure, it CAN work but in the instances, I've seen, eventually, one or both parties get resentful, especially if there are kids involved and the male is a "house husband". I've never seen a househusband situation work out long-term, although I've I've seen a few couples try.
So if she were like a popular actress making bookoo bucks and I didn't and that wouldn't work why?
Beaucoup. It's French.
And no. I don't think that sort of relationship typically works. It's well documented that women focus on men that make more than them, no matter their income level.
There's a lot of variables past that, but I think most anyone in a relationship is happier with the man making more.
When my husband and I started dating I made significantly more than he did. I was a Branch Manager at a national bank and he was just starting his career as a Mechanical Engineer. We were married 2 years later and at that time I still made WAY more.
About 5 years after that I became a SAHM and he continued working for the same company. Now he's been at the same company for almost 20 years and makes almost 4 times what he originally started at and I only work part time while kids are in school.
He knew when he started that job years ago that he would eventually make more so the fact that I initially made more didn't bother him. As a matter of fact, he liked that I was a woman with a good career!
I outearned my now ex-husband significantly. To complicate matters, we worked together (not recommended), I was salaried and worked in a leadership role, and he was hourly and worked in the shop. While they liked him a lot, the guys he worked with teased him quite a bit, even called him "Mr. Riceme's Maiden Name." He was in school earning dual engineering and business degrees at the time, he's very smart and has great leadership skills, so I've no doubt he would have passed me up in both rank and earning with little effort after he finished school.
He seemed to take the teasing in stride, and maintained that none of this bothered him one bit. I believed him because he was not an egotistical guy at all, was humble, very supportive, always seemed proud of me and my accomplishments. He always claimed that one of the things he loved most about me was how smart I was, blahhhh blahhh blah.
That all seems suspect now. The gal he left me for is not exactly a firecracker, not ambitious at all, and earned far less than he did. Noteworthy that she also worked with us, and would be considered "under" him in the pecking order of the business.
He never gave me a reason for why he left, why he was unhappy, why he told me he was happy while he wasn't,... so, I was left to guess, and this is one of my guesses. Or at least, it's one of the pieces to the puzzle.
I do think that these kinds of relationships can be successful, and I have seen it done, but it takes the right people. And, a couple needs to have their roles clearly defined, figure out what really works for them, and be able to openly communicate their feelings. But, it didn't work for me, and I would prefer to not do it again.
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