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Cancel Netflix and change the Wi-Fi password? Bad advice. She's his wife, not his child.
She's acting like his child. I guess by your estimation his only options are to reason with her(which hasn't worked and won't work) or break up the family or accept living in a crappy house with a lazy wife, that he busts his butt all day to pay for. Or work two jobs and do all the housework while she sits on her butt watching the Netflix you say he has no right to cancel. Maybe she can watch it while he cleans around her.
If she's not going to work out of the home she's got to work in the home. If she won't do either, why should she be treated like an adult in the relationship?
So you married without discussing children and income and chores.
You work two jobs, take care of your child and do pretty much all the shopping and cleaning and your paying off HER credit card debt.
She quit her job in December and although has free childcare OFTEN?, she spend her time watching YouTube and Netflix and going out with her girlfriends instead of looking for a job or working.
Uh Huh. Cool story.
I think you are beyond any advice.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Whole lot of nope going on here... get her back to work full time ASAP. I’m surprised you married her with credit card debt. I get student debt but credit card debt is just a sign of poor life choices. It will snowball and take you down with her if you don’t get out in front of this.
First, discuss the situation with her, and tell her the current situation isn't sustainable. You need her to help support the family, and can no longer do it alone. If she doesn't start looking for work, and eventually accept a job, then go to plan B below.
Money is tight, so you need to cut superfluous expenses, such as cable TV and maybe even internet. Do you have two cars? If she won't work, sell one to save on expenses and insurance. Cut off her sources of entertainment and leisure, and any luxuries. Perhaps cut back or quit your second job, for your health and well-being. Move to a smaller, cheaper apartment when the lease comes up (unless you own a home). Does she spend on non-necessities? Put limits on any credit cards, or give her cash and cancel the credit cards (keep one for yourself to build a credit history). Stop paying her loans/debts - that will not affect YOUR credit history unless you are a co-signer or obligated, but if her credit is bad, it may limit your ability to obtain a mortgage, but only if her income is needed to qualify. These are consequences of not contributing when she is able and her help is needed - make them obvious.
Start with softball, and move to hardball only if necessary.
This exact same scenario almost destroyed my brother's marriage. He made the tough choice to stay and keep his family together. She got her way to be a SAHM, and luckily, over the years he built up his career until he could easily support them all. She went back to work when the youngest was in middle school. Their marriage is not a good one but they are still together.
I have no advice for you.
Perhaps you could encourage her to get a job where she can stay at home. Call center or something? What is her profession?
For a little background we are both 28 and have a daughter a little over a year old. Last December she got fired from her job and since I have been the only one working. I work two jobs but money is very tight and yes, I do spend time taking care of my daughter of course but she also has a lot of credit card debt and other debts which I have been slowly paying on, to say nothing about our apartment and utilities.
After she was fired she has been talking about getting another job but has only gone to two interviews since and when I ask her about it she just says "I already take care of [daughters name] I don't have any time to look for a job" which is ridiculous because while she does take care of her she spends a lot of time just browsing youtube, watching Netflix etc when she could be applying for jobs and going in for interviews.
And I know I will get responses such as "but taking care of a child is work" and I know it is. But when we got married and had our daughter she never said anything about being a SAHM or the like, and both my and her parents live close by and offer and do take care of our daughter quite often. When I try to bring her getting a job up she gets defensive and it's clear since she got fired from her job she feels she should just automatically have a SAHM position which, again, was never a thing she even talked about when we married and had our daughter.
While, yes, I understand if it's something you have agreed upon that's fine, and if that's the kind of thing you want it's great I feel that after she got fired and obviously by default ended up taking care of our daughter full time she thinks it automatically means she doesn't have to worry about really trying to find another job.
I would not stand for this personally.
I would divorce someone who didn't have motivation to work. It's not your job to provide for the family. It's the responsibility of both parents.
Now some people make enough $$ that both spouses do not have to work, but that is not the case for most families. That doesn't seem to be the case for you guys.
Depending on how much she earns, it may be financially advantageous for her to stay home with the kid for now. With that said, if she has some skills and can earn more, I'd recommend her going back to work if they are in financially tight circumstances.
I would divorce someone who didn't have motivation to work. It's not your job to provide for the family. It's the responsibility of both parents.
That's a funny thing to say to a man. But I know what you men. Bear in mind there are children involved. Divorce should be a very last resort in the event of abuse, adultery, criminal behavior. This is a problem that can be solved.
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