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Yeh agree with this. There was a woman at work that started to loose her hair just before marriage. I think it was a combination of the stress and medical imbalance but of course I don't know the details. The husband to be brought her to a high end wig place and they picked one out together. Totally looked stunning and gave her the confidence she needed to continue with the wedding.
She moved west shortly after. I see from FB pics that she has recovered...and has a wonderful family
Nice story. This is the guy the OP needs to be, but isn't. Hopefully, this clears things up for him.
So I am in a serious relationship with this girl for 3 years. We met at the University and hit it off from there. She's really a down to earth wonderful genuine person. She's never been with anyone before. I am 24 and she's 22 years old and we both live separately with our parents.
Just recently I started noticing her scalp is more bare and its like that every time I see her. I know she's losing quite a bit of hair over the time of our relationship. She has visited the dermatologist and it doesn't look like what he recommended is helping. Just as I thought our relationship was going well I start to find her less and less attractive. I'm torn away right now not really sure what to do. One part of me really wants to be with this girl cause she's amazing but other side of me wants to break up and move on. At the same time I don't want to breakup with her because of the guilt. I took her virginity and I know she will be shattered if I leave her and I dont really want to break her heart. Also she put alot of effort to be with me and loving me unconditionally. We have talked about our future together and about getting engaged in the future. And because this I have this guilt trip that hangs over me.
At this point I don't understand what I to do. I know people get cold feet during their relationships. I know it seems shallow but a woman's hair is really important to me. I have caught myself looking at other girls and admiring their beauty in my head or sometimes imagining to be with them.
Before you follow the advice of other folks on this thread,
Think long and hard about the text bolded above and ask yourself if her hair loss really is such a big deal to you.
It's hard to find someone who is so great and would love one unconditionally, so do consider everything that is at stake for you to lose as well.
Then make whatever decision you feel is right - although I really wonder how much worse she looks now with the hair loss that you have started losing interest in her and do not care as much about her other good qualities.
PS: Yes, it is shallow - even more so when it is in regards to someone you have been with for 3 years and (presumably) have gotten to know very well.
My hope is that he ends it, she finds a cure, and he sees her a few months down the road and realizes what a shallow idiot he is. And she moves on and finds someone who isn't flaky and superficial.
There are products for women facing hair loss...that work, unless it's from chemo, etc.
BTW....FIRST POST...BEWARE OF TR@LLS....
Last edited by greatblueheron; 03-22-2018 at 10:24 AM..
It's noble to stay with that person but I think he'd be doing her a disservice if he stayed with her. When someone isn't into it anymore, it shows. That can be more heartbreaking than breaking up with her. Not only that, he'd be taking up a spot for someone who truly deserves to be there.
Idk just how I see it. Being noble in this case can cause more harm than good.
^^^ Good point brought up. It is painfully difficult to disguise increasingly distant feelings such as the OP has explained due to the important role that a woman's hair has in his life and relationships. He should go his own way. One is either fully invested in a partner or is not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyhockGarden
Yes, I do think this fellow needs to move on; make the break-up clean, polite, and sharp. End it. Do it soon - it will give you both time to heal and move on with your lives. But I do agree with oh-eve, the poster above, that it would be kind to not mention her hair loss as the reason for the break-up.
Either the chemistry, companionship, and commitment is there; or it isn't.
I believe chemistry and companionship have been there, but he is a young man who needs everything that has meaning to him to fit perfectly or else ominous storm clouds start gathering. He cannot commit because one issue threw his predictable world into disarray. He did refer to her as wonderful, genuine and amazing ... that has to mean something, but it is inadequate. By no means should such a split be insensitive on any level, but it seems to me that the woman in question will not need or even appreciate any sugar coating.
After all, this problem has existed since they became a couple and has recently worsened during the span of their three years together, no improvement has resulted from the dermatology consultation (although other medical specialties should be pursued) and she hardly needs anyone to pointedly state the reason for her boyfriend's shifting feelings and alienation. She knows because she lives with it every day.
So I am in a serious relationship with this girl for 3 years. We met at the University and hit it off from there. She's really a down to earth wonderful genuine person. She's never been with anyone before. I am 24 and she's 22 years old and we both live separately with our parents.
Just recently I started noticing her scalp is more bare and its like that every time I see her. I know she's losing quite a bit of hair over the time of our relationship. She has visited the dermatologist and it doesn't look like what he recommended is helping. Just as I thought our relationship was going well I start to find her less and less attractive. I'm torn away right now not really sure what to do. One part of me really wants to be with this girl cause she's amazing but other side of me wants to break up and move on. At the same time I don't want to breakup with her because of the guilt. I took her virginity and I know she will be shattered if I leave her and I dont really want to break her heart. Also she put alot of effort to be with me and loving me unconditionally. We have talked about our future together and about getting engaged in the future. And because this I have this guilt trip that hangs over me.
At this point I don't understand what I to do. I know people get cold feet during their relationships. I know it seems shallow but a woman's hair is really important to me. I have caught myself looking at other girls and admiring their beauty in my head or sometimes imagining to be with them.
Move on! You'll be doing her a favor. Her hair loss may be temporary until they find out what is wrong, or she may have alopecia and go completely bald. Hopefully, you did not actually "take" her virginity and sex was a mutual decision. Virginity isn't some sacred gift. You don't stay with someone because you "took their virginity" or because you feel guilty. Anytime a couple breaks up, at least one is usually shattered, but they move on and they get over it. And usually, they find something way better and can't believe they dated someone like their ex. Please have the decency to not mention the hair as the issue, but that instead, you are growing in different directions. You'll find someone with a beautiful head of hair and she will find someone that loves her just as she is, even if it's bald.
I'm betting the OP used the old, "I love you," trick to get her into bed. She was probably saving it for a 'true love' scenario.
And the OP? Well, he probably loved the fact that she was a virgin, hard to get in that area, and not an easy conquest...(He's probably the type of guy who looks at women in these terms.)
So what did he do? He pulled out the hidden cheat card. You know the one. It's the "love" card player types utilize from their "game" deck.
IOW, OP has proven to be a cad. He has also proven to be deceitful: he convinced her that he truly loved he and also saw a future with her when in fact he was just biding his time until something better came along.
He mentioned other women. I'm betting there is one in particular that has piqued his interest. Perhaps another long haired virgin?
I see a end life tally sheet of broken hearts and marriages. It is possible he will get back what he put out there, by meeting the love of his life, and then being dumped for his thinning hair or spare tire.
No worries. Poetic justice is just around the corner for him!
Last edited by picklejuice; 03-22-2018 at 10:49 AM..
.... Also she put a lot of effort to be with me and loving me unconditionally. We have talked about our future together and about getting engaged in the future. And because this I have this guilt trip that hangs over me.
And it would seem that this effort and unconditionality was a one-way street.
You have discovered that you have more interest invested in her looks than in the person the appearance is wrapped around. Better for her that you found out now.
Quote:
At this point I don't understand what I to do. I know people get cold feet during their relationships. I know it seems shallow but a woman's hair is really important to me. I have caught myself looking at other girls and admiring their beauty in my head or sometimes imagining to be with them.
And what happens if you go with one of these girls with lovely hair and something happens to your appearance after a relationship has been established, and she goes,"Yeck!!!!!!! Not even at midnight with the lights out and a blindfold!"
One hopes that after this current experience that you would be extremely understanding if the scenario flipped.
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