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In 2015, I started dating my current girlfriend. Last year, she broke her neck in a skiing accident and is paralyzed from the shoulders down. She was in the hospital and then a rehab facility for several months and only recently returned home(her parents home). She is dependent on others for almost everything. She had been working as a lawyer prior to her accident. She wants to return to doing that job somehow.
She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
Not at all. If she is the person you are in love with and want to marry, do it. But it might be helpful to chat with people in a similar relationship about how it works, their expectations as well as the local “center for independent living” for disabled people to help you understand your unique situation.
A college classmate of mine is disabled from not quite the neck down but close. He is married, with kids in a fufilling relationship.
She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
I concur with all the previous posters. Go for it!
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In 2015, I started dating my current girlfriend. Last year, she broke her neck in a skiing accident and is paralyzed from the shoulders down. She was in the hospital and then a rehab facility for several months and only recently returned home(her parents home). She is dependent on others for almost everything. She had been working as a lawyer prior to her accident. She wants to return to doing that job somehow.
She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
I think you meant to say "more of a caregiver than a husband".
The fact is, you would very much be a caregiver. As long as you have carefully considered, and discussed with her:
Children - maybe you could adopt, maybe you could have a surrogate - but how will the children be cared for with you being the only mobile parent? Or the possibility of never having children.
Your physical needs - Are you prepared to be celibate? Or you two open to having your physical needs being met outside of the marriage?
A plan for her long-term care.
^^These are just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head. There are likely a lot of other things to be considered.
I meant to write in my first post that they said that I would more of a caregiver than a husband.
I figured. I think what matters is that you both want to get married and you have a realistic perspective on what her paralysis means for your life together and how you would approach challenges together. It would be crucial to be on the same wavelength.
What others think isn't important.
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