bf of mother of 7 looking for help (date, how to, marry)
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I hear a request for parenting, request for financial dispensation, and a request for equity in this relationship.
First question should be, where do you want this to go, and where does she want this to go? Are you both on the same page relative to the future? Get your stories in order for what happens next. Don't be afraid of a commitment if that's where you need to go. If you are there for s/t, get out now, and work out a child support arrangement for both your kids, and follow through with your commitment.
If you will be with her, learn to be a co-parent to all these children and with her as a partner. I would suggest classes, so the two of your can compromise and engage in team work on addressing the children's needs. She's done this with men there or not, but if you are in for the long haul, you both have to work cooperatively.
These are the children who are going to call you 'Dad' because their fathers are deadbeat. You will be making an investment for their future with your support. As was mentioned, you cannot do to one and not the others. Look at how you will parse out your financial support for all of them.
Equity in the relationship needs to be worked at separately. I would suggest a minister or a trusted person (counselor) to parse out how you make the two of you more of a couple. You will need to find time for yourselves apart doing things together outside of caring for children.
Am I understanding this correctly? Your gf has 7 kids, 2 of whom are yours, and now you're asking us "What do I do?" You should have had a serious conversation with her BEFORE you decided to date, let alone get her pregnant! Where are the other kids' father(s)? And why hasn't she gone after them for child support?
Probably going to sound like a wuse, but I disagree with these comments saying a young women with 5 kids should be avoided in the dating market. I know too many single moms with several kids in my own family working very hard to keep their household afloat. So, I get a little sensitive to the idea they should be avoided. It's possible that OP had similar sentiment but didn't know the full story or didn't know it wasn't a temporary situation (i.e. the no support from other dads).
hi so im currently dating a women with 7 kids which 2 of them are mine and I'm struggling with how much i should be financially supporting her other 5 kids. there fathers get 50/50 custody and don't pay child support and do not help with any financial responsibilities for school or sports or cars or phones or clothes for school or anything in regards to anything that costs money. I'm self employed and make very good money and she does not work she takes care of all the kids needs and appointments every week and honestly i feel like I'm getting taken advantage of by the fathers cause they are solly relying on me or her but her income is from me..we have very different parenteing ideas but mine are always wrong and I'm not sure if I'm supporting to much for her kids and don't know if i should put the money i put into her kids into mine which are the youngest. id really like the fathers to step up and try but every time i ask my gf she gets mad.i don't know what to do
The only thing you can really do is start communicating better.
If your girlfriend gets mad every time you ask "Why do I have to support children that are't mine", then find out the reason she's getting mad. I mean, who cares if she gets mad. The real questions is, Why is she mad?
Does she feel insulted because she thinks you should treat all the kids equally? Does she think of you as the father of all the kids? Is she afraid of the other fathers? Does she feel like they already do enough for child support? (Do they actually take care of the kids 50% of the time, or is it the usual every other weekend and on Tuesdays or whatever?) Is she getting benefits from a social program that would end if she received money from the fathers?
If you allow your girlfriend's getting mad to stall communication and progress, I'd first work on that. Is it better to keep letting things go as they are, so she doesn't get mad, or is it better to stop supporting 5 extra kids who already have fathers, even if she gets mad? Only you can decide what's most important to you.
It's possible that OP had similar sentiment but didn't know the full story or didn't know it wasn't a temporary situation (i.e. the no support from other dads).
About as possible as winning the powerball.
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