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So, me and my girlfriend of 5 months broke up yesterday. It was a sad, emotional, and confusing break up (mostly on her end, I didn't cry), but let me start from the beginning...
My girlfriend went to the Dominican Republic to see her family for vacation. She stayed at home for a week, went to Costa Rica with her dad for 2 weeks, and then she went back to DR. We both planned a trip for me to head out there last week (the flights were a birthday gift from her). We had an amazing time while I was over there. Her family threw 2 parties for her sisters birthdays, we went to the beach, and we went to some awesome cheap hotels for a little bit of sexy time. I came home on Tuesday, and then Wednesday afternoon is when the fight started.
So she started talking about how she does so much for people and receives so little back. At first it seemed like she was pissed off about someone else, but she was really talking about me. She said i'm super inattentive even though i'm super affectionate, she said that she needs more attention, and she started bringing up problems from the past. We went back and forth for about a day and then she would started up again (I shouldn't have argued).
She then calls me Thursday afternoon saying, "Ever since we started going out I promised you I would be very sincere with you. I was wrong for telling you to change for me, you're amazing just the way you are. The honest truth is that i'm not happy right now. The fact that I feel this way right now is a sign that things aren't going to well. It's simply unfair to think of you as someone different than you are and I apologize for that."
Ofcourse, this all hit me like a ton of bricks. I tried to make light of the situation on the phone but the whole thing was just bothering me. I tried to reason with her telling her that we can figure it out together, but she was too reluctant. We stopped speaking for the rest of the day...
The next day was her flight back home. She called me that morning saying hi and how she just wanted to "hear my voice". She said she wanted to see me when she arrived tonight. I told her I promised to hang with some friend but I can head to her house afterwards. Later on that night I saw her. The girl I saw was not my girlfriend, this girl didn't have makeup on and she was slightly overweight. My girlfriend is always on point but tonight she looked devastated and sad.
My girlfriend HATES leaving her family and I believe that's what was making her the saddest. But then we sat on her couch and I see her getting ready to cry. I asked, "are you ok?" She then started balling out crying. She was talking about how she misses her family and then she told me the same thing she told me on Thursday. She said she felt like an emotional wreck and felt horrible dragging me down. She said she spoke to her mom and sister about how she was feeling and they told her it's unjust to drag me down while she's feeling the way she has. I told her I want to try and work through it and she told me it's something she needs to figure out on her own. Afterward, we kissed and made up (sort of) and we went to bed. The sex that night just didn't feel the same, it wasn't the same sex we had a week ago, and that really hurt.
The next morning, I just laid there in bed. While she looked at me asking, "whats on your mind, what are you thinking?" I just said, "nothing...". My girlfriend is the type to kiss me to death in bed and this morning she just laid there looking hurt and confused. This is the moment when I finally got the hint, I really can't fix this...
I told her, i'm going home. She said, "why?..." (getting ready to cry again). I said, "this isn't right, you're not ok, and there's nothing I can do". I then said, "let me go get your house keys so I can give them to you..." (I have a copy). She said, "I don't want you to hate me (while she sat there crying)". I said, "I don't, I'll keep the line open. If you ever change your mind or want to hang out let me know, but we cannot be friends". She said, "Listen, I know this isn't easy for neither one of us but if you ever decide to block me which you have all right to do. I will still do everything in my power to get in contact with you". I said, "Ok, goodbye". Gave her a hug and I was on my way.
That was that. I gave her the space she wanted. It was hurtful and hard to do, but at the end I think I handled it maturely. I really loved this girl and we had a beautiful relationship with one another.
I feel really bad. I really loved this girl, but I will do my best to move on like i'll never see her again. Anyway you can break this down for me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
She no longer wants to be with you. Whatever happened to get to that point, it doesn't matter now, what's done is done. I know it sucks but it is what it is.
I suspect she has been planning this breakup for a while. All the things she says and does are classic breakup routines women use when they are straight up just tired of a guy, and she did it in the classic sort of roundabout way where she doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' for outright breaking up with the OP, but doing/saying things so that the OP will break it off himself. And it seems to have worked.
The lady is also being a bit melodramatic here: "Listen, I know this isn't easy for neither one of us but if you ever decide to block me which you have all right to do. I will still do everything in my power to get in contact with you".
What does that even mean?
I sincerely hope the OP stays true to his word, keeps his self respect and dignity intact, and moves on and never looks back. Instead of trying to find out what led to this by asking the girl (she'll never say the truth anyways, just more cliches about "it's not you it's me," "I need more attention," blah blah), the best thing the OP can do is to move on and work on maintaining a healthy relationship for the future. There are plenty of resources online on how guys can maintain a healthy relationship for the long term.
I suspect though that there's a chance that in a few days he will have regret over this as he keeps thinking about it over and over in his mind, and he will break down and try to contact her. Nothing good will ever come of that.
She no longer wants to be with you. Whatever happened to get to that point, it doesn't matter now, what's done is done. I know it sucks but it is what it is.
I suspect she has been planning this breakup for a while. All the things she says and does are classic breakup routines women use when they are straight up just tired of a guy, and she did it in the classic sort of roundabout way where she doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' for outright breaking up with the OP, but doing/saying things so that the OP will break it off himself. And it seems to have worked.
The lady is also being a bit melodramatic here: "Listen, I know this isn't easy for neither one of us but if you ever decide to block me which you have all right to do. I will still do everything in my power to get in contact with you".
What does that even mean?
I sincerely hope the OP stays true to his word, keeps his self respect and dignity intact, and moves on and never looks back. Instead of trying to find out what led to this by asking the girl (she'll never say the truth anyways, just more cliches about "it's not you it's me," "I need more attention," blah blah), the best thing the OP can do is to move on and work on maintaining a healthy relationship for the future. There are plenty of resources online on how guys can maintain a healthy relationship for the long term.
I suspect though that there's a chance that in a few days he will have regret over this as he keeps thinking about it over and over in his mind, and he will break down and try to contact her. Nothing good will ever come of that.
Just a week ago today we were having passionate sex in a foreign country. Everything was great until she started thinking about all the "effort" I don't put in. I believe people love differently, the way she loves is by getting people gifts. I appreciate the gifts, but I don't always want them. I show my love by using touch, affection, and taking her places.
Also what makes you think i'm going to break down? Maybe she will...
Maybe I didn't read this right... She told you she was having major emotional issues being separated from her family, and your response is to walk out on her? I didn't read here where you tried to provide comfort, let her talk about it... it also seems like you aren't speaking her love language. Whether or not you want to fix things with this girl, you should try reading the book "The Five Love Languages." You aren't speaking to her heart. You abandoned her when she needed strength and comfort.
Maybe I didn't read this right... She told you she was having major emotional issues being separated from her family, and your response is to walk out on her? I didn't read here where you tried to provide comfort, let her talk about it... it also seems like you aren't speaking her love language. Whether or not you want to fix things with this girl, you should try reading the book "The Five Love Languages." You aren't speaking to her heart. You abandoned her when she needed strength and comfort.
This was exactly what I was trying to extract from her for 3 days.
I'm sorry that I didn't include that in my writing, but let me explain.
My intention was to work it out, her desire was to be alone. She told me repeatedly the last 2 days that she wanted to be alone and it was her choice to make, not mine. I wanted to reach a resolution, on Saturday I told her let it all out, its OK. She told me everything she was feeling and I told her to cry on my shoulder I got you. Before I left I asked her if this was what she really wanted? And she said yes.
She told me she wanted to work through these feelings on her own and didn't want me to stand by. She told her mother and a friend that she was having doubts in our relationship and their advice was that it was unjust to have me around while she was feeling that way.
I told her she can reach out to me if she changes her mind, I gave her a hug, and that was it.
I heard about that book a few days ago and I told her about it but we never spoke about it.
Last edited by Jonp21990; 03-28-2018 at 08:52 AM..
I think at some point, for some reason, she intended to break up with you. The fact that when you first saw her, after her trip, she DIDN'T look on point, was probably a hint right there. IF she was missing you, don't you think she would've been looking sizzling, the first time you saw her after the trip?
Who knows what happened. MAYBE she ran into an old boyfriend back in the Dominican Republic. Maybe running into the old boyfriend, compounded by her missing her family, made you look...not as desirable in her eyes.
At any rate, I think YOU handled it about as good as you could.
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