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This is the problem, though - if the entire relationship is going to have to be a boxing match then what fun is that? Being on one's guard 100% of the time to keep teaching your SO what you "won't allow" it sounds more like a prison guard, circus baboon trainer or daycare employee than a girlfriend.
So is she suppose to accept him being disrespectful? If she dosent put her foot down on him calming his temper he'll always do it.
A man is never going to cuss me out because in return he will be told what I will not tolerate it, now if he chooses to do it again it can be MY choice to no longer deal with him.
Thats what I simply mean as far as what "you allow". Your reaction will open the door to what he feels is acceptable to continue to do. That is just my opinion.
She herself stated she feel like she shouldn't prompt him unless he does with her....what kind of relationship is that?
My daughter had a boss like that. I told her to say to her the next time she did it to just look up at her and say..."When you can speak to me calmly I'll be happy to listen to you".
Whether or not you believe it, it worked.
You get respect when you demand it.
People act like nuts when they are in an aggravated or agitated state.
He’s most likely just not on his best behavior and trying to please you during these moments because his mind and focus is elsewhere.
Have a talk with him, make him aware you will be pointing out the next time he does it so he can see for himself in the moment an example of his behavior and how it affects you.
Unless he purposefully dumping on you out of nowhere I wouldn’t be too concerned. You understand it’s always happening during a moment of stress or agitation, it’s not an unsolicited response.
People act like nuts when they are in an aggravated or agitated state.
He’s most likely just not on his best behavior and trying to please you during these moments because his mind and focus is elsewhere.
Have a talk with him, make him aware you will be pointing out the next time he does it so he can see for himself in the moment an example of his behavior and how it affects you.
And definity do not have sex with him that day. Ask him how he thinks you can want to have sex with him when he treats you like that.
He has an anger issue and is too immature to deal with the most trivial annoyances. This behavior will only get worse as life gets more complicated. There is a good chance that he could become physically abusive. Is that what you want? You're better off without him.
So is she suppose to accept him being disrespectful? If she dosent put her foot down on him calming his temper he'll always do it.
A man is never going to cuss me out because in return he will be told what I will not tolerate it, now if he chooses to do it again it can be MY choice to no longer deal with him.
Thats what I simply mean as far as what "you allow". Your reaction will open the door to what he feels is acceptable to continue to do. That is just my opinion.
She herself stated she feel like she shouldn't prompt him unless he does with her....what kind of relationship is that?
No! ^ She is supposed to drop this guy, and find someone she doesn't have to constantly "train." That sounds exhausting, and frankly, any guy who WOULD take such an opening (she's not on her guard 100% of the time) to be a jerk to her really isn't relationship material, IMO. I agree with you that she shouldn't put up with it, but I think just...trying to train him, so to speak, is going to be a full-time job and really, who needs that? This is just my opinion, though. It really sounds exhausting and like constantly swimming against the tide to me.
"She herself stated she feel(s) like she shouldn't prompt him...what kind of relationship is that?" None at all, which is exactly what I'm saying.
Quote:
If she dosent put her foot down on him calming his temper he'll always do it.
Which, again, points to this guy having bigger issues than she should have to work around or "put her foot down" against lest they constantly pop back up. MANY, MANY guys DO NOT have to have a foot put down in order to control their tempers. They just do it automatically, because they're adults.
It does sound disturbing as the receptor of this lashing.
I learned boundaries and timing to be effective. Not interrupting someone or being intrusive does show regard for their time. Otherwise I openly say...when you have a moment can we discuss (insert something of importance..like the house is on fire we better leave..comes to mind ). We each have our short fuses...
I think your gent can be more attune to this.
I'm sure it's a red flag for you and as such deserves a good sit down chat. This does involve seeing each other's side. No one is 100% right or wrong...Instead ask how you both can do right in respecting each other's time or hobbies.
I doubt I'd be answering text if I'm in the same room with a person. Seek a resolution that enhances...not perpetuates
He has an anger issue and is too immature to deal with the most trivial annoyances. This behavior will only get worse as life gets more complicated. There is a good chance that he could become physically abusive. Is that what you want? You're better off without him.
My mind kind of went here ^ too.
He was a nice guy for the first couple of years, then once she was in for a pound he dropped that and became downright nasty and insulting toward her, consistently. Once the ring is on what will he feel comfortable doing? Once it's really really hard for her to leave, not just fairly hard like it currently is?
He values his games more than you... Why not find something more valuable to you than him and see how he feels about it
A game can be replayed, you can walk away from him and not repeat it <-- he needs to learn this
I don't think the problem here is that he values his video games more than her. People should be able to do things like play video games, watch a game on TV, play their guitar, ride their bike, surf, etc, without it being implied that they value these things over their partner.
I think the problem here is he goes off for no reason and has an incredibly short fuse. And it potentially could even be triggered when he's not playing his games.
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