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Old 05-12-2018, 02:48 PM
 
14 posts, read 8,479 times
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For the past 3 weeks I’ve been talking to a guy via text and phone but he lives in a different state and we have not met yet. We were supposed to meet and he needed to reschedule due to some family issues. I was concerned he was blowing me off and he said he would not have invested so much time with me if he wasn’t interested. We have had a great connection it seems like and have agreed to be upfront with each other. He is making plans to meet in the next three weeks. He has a tentative date and needs to confirm things at work. He has a difficult schedule.
I see him active on the dating website often. However, this morning he hid his profile. I know he didn’t hide it for me so I’m wondering what’s going on. I texted him and he did answer but he had a lot going on and seemed to be in a bad mood and said he would text later.
I’m very much wondering why he hid his profile.
My questions are:
1. Should I tell him I noticed his profile is hidden and ask him why he hid it?
2. Does anyone have any thoughts on why he would have hidden it?
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Old 05-12-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ35 View Post
For the past 3 weeks I’ve been talking to a guy via text and phone but he lives in a different state and we have not met yet. We were supposed to meet and he needed to reschedule due to some family issues. I was concerned he was blowing me off and he said he would not have invested so much time with me if he wasn’t interested. We have had a great connection it seems like and have agreed to be upfront with each other. He is making plans to meet in the next three weeks. He has a tentative date and needs to confirm things at work. He has a difficult schedule.
I see him active on the dating website often. However, this morning he hid his profile. I know he didn’t hide it for me so I’m wondering what’s going on. I texted him and he did answer but he had a lot going on and seemed to be in a bad mood and said he would text later.
I’m very much wondering why he hid his profile.
My questions are:
1. Should I tell him I noticed his profile is hidden and ask him why he hid it?
No.


Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ35 View Post
2. Does anyone have any thoughts on why he would have hidden it?
I don't have any thoughts on WHY, but I do have thoughts about your concern about it.

You haven't even met yet. You really have no ownership in this situation and no call to start questioning him about stuff like this.

I would try very hard not to feel insecure about this stuff, especially over someone you have not met yet.

Be patient, meet him, and see how it goes.
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Old 05-12-2018, 03:03 PM
 
14 posts, read 8,479 times
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My concern is he hid the profile to be exclusive with someone else locally and is keeping me hanging around for the next 3 weeks to see how it goes with that person and if it goes well he will cancel our meeting. I don’t want to be treated like that. He did say he would always be upfront. If I try to view his profile I can’t. It clearly says it’s hidden, so anyone he has ever contacted on the dating site would know it’s hidden.
He could also just be taking a break from the dating site because he keeps saying he is busy.

I know I don’t have much say because we haven’t met. But we both have agreed that we seem to have a very strong chemistry through talking on the phone and texting. It’s weird because that never happens to me. And all the talking and texting has made me more emotionally involved, even though I know I should not have let that happen.
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Old 05-12-2018, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ35 View Post
My concern is he hid the profile to be exclusive with someone else locally and is keeping me hanging around for the next 3 weeks to see how it goes with that person and if it goes well he will cancel our meeting. I don’t want to be treated like that. He did say he would always be upfront. If I try to view his profile I can’t. It clearly says it’s hidden, so anyone he has ever contacted on the dating site would know it’s hidden.
He could also just be taking a break from the dating site because he keeps saying he is busy.

I know I don’t have much say because we haven’t met. But we both have agreed that we seem to have a very strong chemistry through talking on the phone and texting. It’s weird because that never happens to me. And all the talking and texting has made me more emotionally involved, even though I know I should not have let that happen.
Correct, you should not.

Meet him or don’t. Right now you can only worry about stuff over which you have control, and his profile is not one of those things.
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Old 05-12-2018, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Florida
23,165 posts, read 26,122,269 times
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Could be he's his eggs in on basket...you
Could be he's doing it for some other reason.
What would you be reluctant to ask him why?
Seems like a reasonable thing to me.
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Old 05-12-2018, 03:56 PM
 
14 posts, read 8,479 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Could be he's his eggs in on basket...you
Could be he's doing it for some other reason.
What would you be reluctant to ask him why?
Seems like a reasonable thing to me.
I didn’t ask him today because he was mad about other stuff and it wasn’t appropriate. I don’t think he hid it for me because we have not met yet and it would be unreasonable to hide a profile for someone you haven’t met. I think he would have told me he was doing that if it was because of me. He did say the other day he thinks when we meet will hit it off and it will be amazing. But I know he is stressing about long distance because he was upfront with me about it and we agreed to meet first to see what happens and then deal with the distance if we decide we like each other after meeting which he thinks we will. I told him he was overthinking the long term plans at this point.
So because he prefers someone local (I do too, but would not give up a great guy because of distance) I would think he would still be looking online and not hiding his profile.

I agree it’s not unreasonable to ask. I would just say “I tried to view your profile and I can’t because you hid it and was wondering why?”
If we are being upfront that should not be a bad question. But I don’t want to look needy and like I’m watching his online activity. So many games that have to be played to meet people these days.

When we first started texting and talking we texted multiple times per day and he was contacting me first most of the time, but not always. We talked on the phone for two hours one night and he was so excited about it. If I text him first he usually responds very quickly. Lately he hasn’t made the initiative to contact me first and he said it’s because he’s busy but he has made efforts to make arrangements to meet me.

It was shocking to me to see his profile hidden this morning. I can’t understand why he would need to do that.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:00 PM
 
14 posts, read 8,479 times
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I have asked two other people if I should ask him and they said no. One said to give it a few days because maybe he will unhide it.
I need some men to weigh in on this.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:02 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
If you're checking up on him and so on, you may be giving off that vibe without realizing it. This may be putting him off. Especially along with already having asked for reassurance that he's into this.

I'd back way, way off I were you. You're too invested already without even having met and it's scaring him.

I'd be continuing to look around, personally. Take your mind off him a bit.

If you ask about his hiding his profile he is going to get a "stalker alert" warning in his head for sure. Please just don't do that.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:07 PM
 
14 posts, read 8,479 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
If you're checking up on him and so on, you may be giving off that vibe without realizing it. This may be putting him off. Especially along with already having asked for reassurance that he's into this.

I'd back way, way off I were you. You're too invested already without even having met and it's scaring him.

I'd be continuing to look around, personally. Take your mind off him a bit.
I am definitely looking around and meeting others, but no one else has panned out. I thought one might but then he got weird with processing online dating and the amount of people you can meet and how would he know who was right for him. Big flaw with online dating is most people are always looking for the bigger better deal. Lots of weird ones out there.
However the long distance guy seems more normal and we have tons in common.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,852,754 times
Reputation: 18199
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
If you're checking up on him and so on, you may be giving off that vibe without realizing it. This may be putting him off. Especially along with already having asked for reassurance that he's into this.

I'd back way, way off I were you. You're too invested already without even having met and it's scaring him.

I'd be continuing to look around, personally. Take your mind off him a bit.

If you ask about his hiding his profile he is going to get a "stalker alert" warning in his head for sure. Please just don't do that.
Yes, exactly this. you sound desperate. Guys can see that coming from miles and miles away.
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