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At first i want to sorry about my bad english. I'm from Poland and it's not my native language. I had to help myself a little with google translate but I hope everything is understandable.
Hello. I'm 16 years old. At the beginning of December, I met a girl on Facebook. She's 15 years old. At the beginning chatting with each other was very pleasant, we had similar interests and views on the world. I learned that she goes to the same school as me (I didn't know it before, my school is quite large) which made me happy, I thought we would be able to see each other more often. After a few days of writing on Facebook we met in reality. The meeting was short and really spontaneous, none of us had planned it before. We agreed 15 minutes earlier, cause she was in my neighborhood. The meeting was very nice, a short walk around the city. We had a really good conversation. At school we did not really pay attention to ourselves (or at least she did). Even I was wondering if it's not my fault, because the first day after meeting as we passed in the corridor she told me "Hey". I was very unfortunately busy talking with my friend nad I did'nt hear it. Afterwards she hasn't spoken to me at school, but she didn't look offended. I was also very afraid to speak, cause she always was going with her friends. During that time we were chatting regularly on Facebook. I even noticed she was trying to get us closer. She started to trust me and often spoke a lot of things in trust. She wrote more and more tender words. She even once asked "Do you care if I like you?" . Now I know how big mistake I made but then not knowing how to answer, I told her jokingly: "Is this one of those female questions that will not matter what you answer and the answer will be wrong anyway?" And on that point it ended. Other time she wrote out of the blue without any context "It makes no sense. I see that nothing will come out of it". I asked her several times what did she mean, but she always replied with "Figure it out" or "Perhaps I will tell you in the future" but she still wasn’t seem to be offended. She chatted with me very willingly but I noticed she wanted to worse our relationship a little. After some time she started to write messages like "Ginger hair are the most beatiful in the world and I want to my future boyfriend has them" (I'm dark), or she wrote straight out that in her opinion I’m ugly. But if in her eyes I’m ugly what was the point of these games at the beginning? Something does not fit here. It is also worth adding that neither I nor she had any "bigger" relation with opposing sex before. Honestly, I do not know what to think about all this: /
You offended her. She now thinks you're clueless about women, and how to relate to them. I don't know if this is salvageable. Maybe if you apologize for saying stupid things, and ask her on another walk, or to go to a coffeeshop with you, or something?
Tell her you would like to start over. Make it light and friendly, "Hi, I'm so&so, would you like to take a walk with me?" If she agrees, then be the fun, friendly guy she was attracted to in the first place. Don't play silly games and compare her to how other women/girls think or act. If she is no longer interested, learn a lesson from it and do better next time.
True, but how sad -- as close to a realistic, deserving question as we've seen here in a long while.
If I were to hypothetically answer such a question -- IF the OP were 18 -- I might have said he needed to do the following:
Approach her, even if her friends are around. Have the courage to approach anyway and ask to speak to her for a moment. It doesn't take more than one person to talk to a woman, and you are free to speak to her even if she's not alone.
I would tell him -- apologize for not answering that first time. Don't make excuses, simply tell her what happened and apologize anyway. Admit you should have stopped talking to your friends long enough to answer her.
I would tell him -- stop worrying so much about underlying meanings, just try to be her friend and then if more begins to happen, don't be scared, just go with it.
I would tell him -- the very worst that can happen is she says no, or she says she's no longer interested.
If he were 18 I would tell him those things. But he's not, so I won't.
True, but how sad -- as close to a realistic, deserving question as we've seen here in a long while.
If I were to hypothetically answer such a question -- IF the OP were 18 -- I might have said he needed to do the following:
Approach her, even if her friends are around. Have the courage to approach anyway and ask to speak to her for a moment. It doesn't take more than one person to talk to a woman, and you are free to speak to her even if she's not alone.
I would tell him -- apologize for not answering that first time. Don't make excuses, simply tell her what happened and apologize anyway. Admit you should have stopped talking to your friends long enough to answer her.
I would tell him -- stop worrying so much about underlying meanings, just try to be her friend and then if more begins to happen, don't be scared, just go with it.
I would tell him -- the very worst that can happen is she says no, or she says she's no longer interested.
If he were 18 I would tell him those things. But he's not, so I won't.
It's possible you're forgetting how excruciating it is for a mid-teen to approach a gaggle of the opposite sex and ask to speak alone, or in other ways to reveal one's intentions. Kids are immature at that age. Literally, they could burst out laughing at him - even if just from nervousness - which might be crushing. Don't you remember being high-school age?
Yet another reason there's an age minimum. The advice of a man in his mid-30s is eons away from remembering being just a kid. I'd have given this advice to a 35-year-old man or woman, for sure. Even for someone in his/her mid-20-s. But what does a guy twice this kid's age really remember of the feeling of being just 16?
Sigh...well, I'll take a stab at it, though I'm a grown woman. As a girl in her teens I'd have appreciated being asked out as a group..."everybody's going to such-and-such..." or being made friends with in a CASUAL way. You all just start hanging around. Then gradually get to know her better. JMO and good luck.
Well, i don't think my answer offended her as much as you say. Before it, we were joking about women stereothypes. She was kidding like "girls should spend all their free time in kitchen, etc...". I don't think it was so offended to her.
Well, i don't think my answer offended her as much as you say. Before it, we were joking about women stereothypes. She was kidding like "girls should spend all their free time in kitchen, etc...". I don't think it was so offended to her.
And yet, here you are.
It offended her more than you may realize. The point to this story and what many people much older than you have failed to realize is the importance of GOOD communications. You are making assumptions about her feelings, just as she is making assumptions about yours. In it's current state, this is going nowhere.
Take a few minutes to think about how better communications could help here.
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