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. oops! You're right. Still, the OP needs trauma therapy for his experience growing up in his dad's household. ugh. What a thing to live with!
Yes, they both need counseling at this point, and they both need to fully participate for it to be effective. That’s really going to be the only way to save the marriage. Otherwise, they need to move on. It sounds like they both grew up in dysfunctional households and may not know what a functional relationship looks like.
Yes, they both need counseling at this point, and they both need to fully participate for it to be effective. That’s really going to be the only way to save the marriage. Otherwise, they need to move on. It sounds like they both grew up in dysfunctional households and may not know what a functional relationship looks like.
Excellent point! They both need individual and couple therapy.
Take the job change and get a divorce. It sounds like both of you have checked out. There is no respect there coming from either side.
If he's going to get a divorce he can't take the job for less money. The courts will base the support payment on his higher salary. Besides his money will have to go a lot further if he is divorced, so that's not the time to start getting less of it.
If he's going to get a divorce he can't take the job for less money. The courts will base the support payment on his higher salary. Besides his money will have to go a lot further if he is divorced, so that's not the time to start getting less of it.
I think it's time for the OP to get on a normal schedule and start thinking of himself.
The courts will decide based on his current salary, won't they? So if that's the new salary then that's what it is. Or if it is based on W2s, get the new job and then file for divorce next January. OK deserves a life too. He is exhausted, overweight and sick on his current killer schedule.
Let HER get the night job to make up for less child support. This takes two. Why should he be divorced, alone, not feeling well/healthy AND working harder than ever? He is looking for more, not less happiness.
She works too. If she isn't making a lot of money shouldn't SHe be the one to think about how *she* can help fix that?
They need to sit down and talk. Either about counseling to stay together, or about the logistics of divorce and separate lives. Him killing himself from now until forever to stay with a woman who doesn't love him isn't the answer.
I think it's time for the OP to get on a normal schedule and start thinking of himself.
The courts will decide based on his current salary, won't they? So if that's the new salary then that's what it is. Or if it is based on W2s, get the new job and then file for divorce next January. OK deserves a life too. He is exhausted, overweight and sick on his current killer schedule.
Let HER get the night job to make up for less child support. This takes two. Why should he be divorced, alone, not feeling well/healthy AND working harder than ever? He is looking for more, not less happiness.
She works too. If she isn't making a lot of money shouldn't SHe be the one to think about how *she* can help fix that?
They need to sit down and talk. Either about counseling to stay together, or about the logistics of divorce and separate lives. Him killing himself from now until forever to stay with a woman who doesn't love him isn't the answer.
Some men have taken lower paying jobs just to spite their exes, hoping they could get away with giving her less money. Courts started basing support on imputed income instead of actual income in response, which in this context means that his support is based off of what he has the potential to make, not what he is making. Problem is some men would lose a job legitimately and not be able to find another job that pays the same. Or a guy would take a lower paying job for some other reason, like the quality of life considerations that the man in this thread is facing. Those guys get treated the same as the ones who are trying to game the system, and end up getting screwed over it.
You admit to having unfairly accused her of infidelity, being verbally abusive, and trying to physically restrain her.
Frankly, if someone I lived with was doing the things you say you have done, I would probably consider their regular absences a break, too.
If you need to change jobs for your own physical and mental health, by all means, do so, but don't withhold the apologies you have quite clearly said that you owe her.
You said something about her only offering "soft support." What, exactly, does that mean?
She has clearly made mistakes, as well, but she's not the one asking for advice, and in any case, you can only control your own behavior. She gives you the silent treatment, and you respond in kind. Is this the hill you want your marriage to die on?
Please get counseling together. If she won't go with you, go alone.
If she leaves me, it will be one of the worst things to happen. But, I’m not begging this time or giving in.
Her $14/hr and another $14/hr from you, lol. While you might not be held to child support being the kids are over 18, a 15-yr marriage will surely get her spousal support. Check your state laws. And as mentioned, the courts will based it on your earning power not actual income. But if the current job is creating health issues for you, get a doctor's recommendation and get the closer job before any petitions are filed.
Her $14/hr and another $14/hr from you, lol. While you might not be held to child support being the kids are over 18, a 15-yr marriage will surely get her spousal support. Check your state laws. And as mentioned, the courts will based it on your earning power not actual income. But if the current job is creating health issues for you, get a doctor's recommendation and get the closer job before any petitions are filed.
Not necessarily, if she's working, and they're both making roughly the same. IDK, though, if they need to just throw in the towel. If they both want to make an effort, and if the OP can rise to the occasion and express remorse to her for his behavior, to kick off a healing process (with some reciprocity from her, hopefully), it could be salvageable.
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. oops! You're right. Still, the OP needs trauma therapy for his experience growing up in his dad's household. ugh. What a thing to live with!
