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No, my male friends are definitely not all unattractive men. By far. I don't want to have sex with every handsome man I see. I'm not sure why you think this way? But that's your thing. Don't project it on everyone. If it's you then that's fine.
Wow, a woman who doesn’t want sex with every man who is sick and sexified! Who’d a thunk? .
(“Sick” = kid speak for “really good.”)
I’m quoting part of Ke$ha “We R Who We R.” Ke$ha is really hawt!
Speak for yourself, re: the bolded and the underlined. Looks may be what get the ball rolling for some people, a higher percentage of men than women, possibly, but that's far from true of everyone.
It's only people with a very superficial view of life who say to anyone they could do better, on the basis of looks. Many, many people go through life without ever hearing that, or saying it. Because their friends and family are smarter than to judge someone by their looks, rather than by their character and accomplishments.
Believing that looks is what it's all about is precisely what gets so many people in trouble, and in line for divorce. How much sense does it make to "approve" someone's choice in SO based on looks, if the SO turns out to be a spendthrift, emotional or physical abuser, or a cheater or substance abuser? Or high maintenance? Those latter are the qualities anyone can "do better than".
The huge assumptions you're making about society and human nature are not applicable to quite a few people. You might try moving around in different circles, to get a glimpse of an alternative value system, and what that can do for you.
What you're missing is that people can be physically attracted to all different looks and types and also that we tend to be more physically attracted to a person we have that extra (internal) feeling for.
Bingo! My GF is maybe 6 or 7 but the returned love makes her 11 for me. Maybe 23,500 on a 10 scale...
As I've written about before on here, my best friend (the smartest person I personally know) is terrified to ask any women out. He knows he's not bad looking. The girls he has went out with look like celebrities, but he hasn't dated in years now. I almost think he's content with that. He thinks because girls don't approach him while filling his car at the gas station that he's not desired or found to be sexually attractive by most women.
We spent a lot of time together in the 3 weeks before this and went over stories about past lovers. He admitted to me that he had a several month sexual relationship with my cousin's then-wife 11 years ago, but that my cousin knew about it and was okay with it. I knew they had somewhat of an open relationship in the last few years of their marriage. I HATED his wife. She was a person of not much character. Her looks were well above average. Many men thought she was super hot. She's 12 years older than my best friend, so she was 36 or so while he was 24 when this was going on. He told me about her at the time it was going on, but gave her a slightly fake name, as to not give away her identity to me at the time. He was calling her Kitty at the time, which she actually goes by Kat (short for Kathleen) to most people. I'm surprised I didn't catch on to this back in 2007, as he described her identically, but called her Kitty instead of Kat. She hated me and I knew she found him attractive and would borderline flirt with him back then. Every day after he told me, I would excessively rib him about Kat. He's a good looking guy, he's been with a handful of really good looking women, but he never asks any out, so he sits on the sidelines.
Ugly men might have slightly more problem getting dates, but there is a woman for every heterosexual man!
At very worst an ugly man may have to lower his beauty standards. The only problem with competing for ugly women could be them trading sex to have pretty men.
Like the song goes, "Make an ugly woman your wife, you'll be happy for the rest of your life!"
MQ, I just love your story! You should become a writer!
Misogyny?
Couples I see tend to be similar but with many exceptions. It appears that Jack Sprat and his wife are an anomaly. Fat likes fat. But... He tall likes she short. (This is a real bummer for short men, the tall guys take their babes, and tall babes won't date them.)
Funny thing. I'm just a smidgen below average height, and I REALLY like petite chicks! Did I get that preference because tall women are (no pun intended) out of reach?
The irony is that just two nights ago I was arguing with my current flame, she said she is taller and I said not. But both of our drivers licenses say the same height. She was chuckling as we argued, a half inch either way is no matter. Anyway we are all the same height when horizontal. She is not petite but is slim. And better looking than me! At least in my opinion, but what do I know?
In this topic? They're not phonies! I'm one of them, they roll with me! We're hot and dangerous! Except I'm a man...
Sex by the second date is NOT a given. I believe in NO sex except within a committed, exclusive relationship. And please do yourself a favor and use a condom.
Did you know there are 8 STDs and that some of them are not curable, only treatable? Do you want a permanent remembrance from that one night stand? And condoms are not 100% effective!
That is why this man does not do casual sex.
I get that a lot from people with problems who are in denial.
Whatever. I have a good life and that's all that matters to me.
The only reason for failure is not trying. Or setting your standards too high.
As I said earlier, online dating + counseling with Psy.D. clinical psychologist. Just tell your psychologist, "I can't get dates, I can't find love." She (or he) will take it from there. I'm practically certain you will be given CBT (cognitive behavior therapy, your therapist will show you what you are doing, and explain how to fix that to get a desirable outcome).!
I’ve had dates and girlfriends before, and I never said that I couldn’t find love. I don’t know where you read that in my post. My point was that ugly people have difficulties in dating and many people here seem to be insensitive towards it.
I’ve had dates and girlfriends before, and I never said that I couldn’t find love. I don’t know where you read that in my post. My point was that ugly people have difficulties in dating and many people here seem to be insensitive towards it.
I can see that.
I feel like, if one takes the time to really listen, most people have some kind of struggle, some "problem" they are not happy about, especially when it comes to dating. If one is very focused on whatever one's own problem is though, such as being of less than good looks, then everyone else's struggles sound like a heap of "first world problems" BS.
I'm sure that there are chronically abused women who feel that way, too.
One I've seen often play out in a gendered way, has been women who are decent looking, feeling used and lied to, with one dud relationship after another, by player guys...and less than average looking men coming back with "at least you have a chance, I can't even get a date." The problem there is that those women don't WANT the same thing that those guys claim to want. And I'm betting if those men had a series of experiences one after another where, just as they started to feel in love with someone, they got emotionally curb-stomped, again and again...they would not be thrilled about that.
Different struggles; different challenges. People could be a bit more compassionate in light of that, but it won't make our problems disappear.
I have a number of male friends who fall into the category of men whose main challenge is related to their looks. Some women, too, though the difference I see in my social group, is that the men often seem very depressed and tend to feel a default level of social awkwardness and overall shyness, and the women will make friends and continue to come socialize even if no one wants to date them, and find a certain level of comfort and happiness in just having friends. I have on numerous occasions made a serious effort to actively befriend and engage in conversation toward these "ugly" shy men, because I don't feel that social isolation is healthy. I can't offer them sex, but if they are willing (and they often are) I always make sure they get hugs. Often enough, as they gain social confidence, they enjoy greater success with women, too. The two I'm thinking of right off the top of my head both have long distance relationships right now. They seem happier than when I first met them, and I hope my gestures have helped.
Of course, these guys did not respond to my kindness or friendly affection with anger, bitterness, or grasping at more than what was offered. If they had, they'd be among those who quickly stop even showing up, and just continue to stew miserably alone at home.
That’s why I said people are as shallow as their options. If looks were truly a small part of the equation wouldn’t you have mismatched looking couples all over the place?
As far as women I don’t think women are afraid to admit it as much as they used to.They’res a thread right now where women wouldn’t give a guy a second date if he’s not wearing the proper shoes on a first date in the summer.
Women are all about vanity and are visual on steroids.If you notice they always rip apart other women for the smallest imperfections do people think they don’t do the same thing to men? of course they do.
What is this, 1958? Who the heck dates any more? You get to know women through your circle of friends. If you don't have friends, you have more problems than your looks.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell
What is this, 1958? Who the heck dates any more? You get to know women through your circle of friends. If you don't have friends, you have more problems than your looks.
Most everyone I know that isn't in a monogamous marriage/LTR. It's why things like OLD are such big business, people want to date. I, personally, do not date friends of friends.
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