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However her own words hint at what is occurring, no adulterous behavior, no abuse, no real wrongdoing, just another “I fell out of love” so now I want a divorce story. We all should have heard of or seen plenty of these before.
Daniel seems to be identifying very closely with this husband, and is willing to ignore the fact that the OP is so concerned about being a victim of domestic violence that she had to change the locks on the gun safe.
Yes, poor deranged husband. Give him another chance!
More projection, speculation and assumptions, and then a nice little off-topic rant about gender???
Why waste everyone's time here? Why not ask clarifying questions of the OP instead of just projecting your own judgment?
Ok I have spoken my peace on this so I’m done. There is no doubt that you and I see most things differently and have opposite values. Some folks see mostly shades of grey, some see it in black and white. I am very traditional, conservative and old fashioned in my values and thinking. I bet your close to the opposite. Arguing this further would be pointless and serve only to anger each other. I am not interested in doing that so we should agree to disagree
Daniel seems to be identifying very closely with this husband, and is willing to ignore the fact that the OP is so concerned about being a victim of domestic violence that she had to change the locks on the gun safe.
Yes, poor deranged husband. Give him another chance!
I am just doing what no one else seems to be willing to do. This man might be the victim here. The OP made vague references to the possibility of suicide or domestic violence without ever citing one instance where he threatened her or harmed her. Maybe he did threaten suicide, hopefully if that is true he gets help for that. I don’t identify with this husband, I know nothing about him but some of the things written in this thread by the OP suggest he possibly could be the victim here. Maybe some of the posters looking to color him on such a negative light should consider that possibility.
No I did not read it all, I read her opening post where reading between the lines I could see she just changed her mind about being married to him and seemed turned off by his love and devotion to her. It’s hard not to have a bad taste in your mouth about this situation. Now I obviously don’t know the OP but this looks like some kind of mid life crisis thing, been married 20 years, both are likely 40 something and she has decided for some reason she no longer wants him. Maybe time has been kinder physically to her than him, maybe her career has done better and he doesn’t bring enough income for her or maybe she has a boyfriend, I don’t know. What does look to be true is that he is the victim here, he’s likely been blindsided by this as most divorce victims are. Now she is using his grief and resulting emotional instability (that she causes) against him.
I know multiple people both men and women who have had this done to them. It is cruel and cold, usually the errant spouse then try’s to use the victimized spouses love and grief against them to gain the financial advantage as well. In this case the husband is willing to give up his home to his wayward wife thinking his kindness may lead to reconciliation......not likely, he will end up alone AND poor. I bet his soon to be ex does not care if she leaves his life in ruins. It is also sad that a 17 year old nearly grown son has been made a pawn in this effort by his mother. Too bad he cannot see this.
I am old fashioned, marriage is till death do you part. It is a promise to your husband/wife AND a promise to God to stay committed to each other. As someone who has been married for 25 years I find this whole thread pathetic. I find those giving moral aid to this kind of thing pathetic. People need to stop being so narcissistic and live the way they are supposed too.
You don't know her story. If you are happy, ok, but not everyone is... people change....situations change.
Old fashioned is not the only thing you are....I don't remember when I've seen such an arrogant post.
...be more tolerant, understand you don't know it all...your type of response is not what's needed here. It's a troubling situation for all. Support is in order, not trashing...
Ok I have spoken my peace on this so I’m done. There is no doubt that you and I see most things differently and have opposite values. Some folks see mostly shades of grey, some see it in black and white. I am very traditional, conservative and old fashioned in my values and thinking. I bet your close to the opposite. Arguing this further would be pointless and serve only to anger each other. I am not interested in doing that so we should agree to disagree
The bolded is not allowed here! I looked back at the old thread and it seems any distress her husband has comes solely from the OP breaking up with him and she indicates he's shown no instability otherwise. I still don't get why this couldn't have waited until their son moved out and joined the service. It seems it would've made things easier on everyone, at least logistically speaking. The trigger has been pulled however and there's no going back it seems. The hens are rallying together and kicking the rooster out of the chicken coop and we best get out of the way. We can't help this rooster. He's got a date with the fox and we can't stop it.
The bolded is not allowed here! I looked back at the old thread and it seems any distress her husband has comes solely from the OP breaking up with him and she indicates he's shown no instability otherwise. I still don't get why this couldn't have waited until their son moved out and joined the service. It seems it would've made things easier on everyone, at least logistically speaking. The trigger has been pulled however and there's no going back it seems. The hens are rallying together and kicking the rooster out of the chicken coop and we best get out of the way. We can't help this rooster. He's got a date with the fox and we can't stop it.
When you're desperate to get out of a relationship, one more year would be h#ll on earth...
When you're desperate to get out of a relationship, one more year would be h#ll on earth...
Except she's already exhibited a willingness to share meals with him, watch TV in the evening with him, car pool with him and even remain friends with him. Doesn't sound like hell on earth to me. Maybe purgatory. Either way she's an adult and has other people to consider, and in the other thread she mentioned they planned on selling the house when the son moved out anyway. It would be a cleaner break and we're talking about a year here. That's not forever. But like I said she's already pulled the trigger so I guess there's no going back. You hens get together and figure out how best to dispatch this tiresome rooster.
You don't know her story. If you are happy, ok, but not everyone is... people change....situations change.
Old fashioned is not the only thing you are....I don't remember when I've seen such an arrogant post.
...be more tolerant, understand you don't know it all...your type of response is not what's needed here. It's a troubling situation for all. Support is in order, not trashing...
I don’t know it all and neither do you. Your posts are as strongly worded as mine, we just happen to be adversaries on this matter and likely in most things. That does not make me, or you for that matter arrogant. Even given that we can have polite discussion.
Many of the posts in here seem to be like that of an echo chamber. This thread was a place where the OP could come to be validated and hear the support from what appears to be mostly women for what she is doing. There seems to be a “you go sister” kind of dynamic in this thread. The OP needs to hear opposing views of what is going on, maybe it is good for her to see what others see from this thread. If I was making life changing decisions I would want to hear all sides. I also believe it is important to point out that this husband could be a victim in all of this in spite of what is being said about him in here. Some are even suggesting his second amendment rights should be infringed simply because it was suggested he “might” harm himself or her. The OP herself has said he has really never done anything like that. This man is human, the OP has likely wounded him but that does not mean he is unstable or potentially violent as is being suggested in this thread. No one in here knows a thing about him.
Except she's already exhibited a willingness to share meals with him, watch TV in the evening with him, car pool with him and even remain friends with him. Doesn't sound like hell on earth to me. Maybe purgatory. Either way she's an adult and has other people to consider, and in the other thread she mentioned they planned on selling the house when the son moved out anyway. It would be a cleaner break and we're talking about a year here. That's not forever. But like I said she's already pulled the trigger so I guess there's no going back. You hens get together and figure out how best to dispatch this tiresome rooster.
I get what you're saying. I really do. I wonder what the responses would have been like if I had a gender-neutral name and kept my posts gender-neutral. Who knows.
I really did want to wait a year. But he was talking about vacation plans, home improvement plans, etc. I thought about how he doesn't know it yet, but we are both going to need to save money and scale back. I also felt like it would be disingenuous to allow him to invest in a home that he may not reap the benefits of. Also, every time he hugged or kissed me felt like a lie. I can't describe it any better than that.
We both agreed our number one priority needs to be our son. I don't want it to get contentious. If allowing him to stay until late July will keep the peace, then that's what I will do. As it turns out, he may leave sooner as he is going house-hunting tomorrow.
There have been a lot of ups and downs. One day he will be reasonable and courteous, another day we get into a screaming match. He said, "How can you do this? I was blissfully happy for 20 years!"
I said, "I know you were. I WASN'T!! I dedicated my life to your happiness and made myself miserable in the process!!!"
We have spent hours and hours re-litigating every issue and incident of the last twenty years. It's so exhausting. He said he needs this. I'm not sure if this is on his counselor's advice or not. He swears THIS time he will change, but after I have given him 10-12 ultimatums over the years, I just don't buy it any more.
I get what you're saying. I really do. I wonder what the responses would have been like if I had a gender-neutral name and kept my posts gender-neutral. Who knows.
I really did want to wait a year. But he was talking about vacation plans, home improvement plans, etc. I thought about how he doesn't know it yet, but we are both going to need to save money and scale back. I also felt like it would be disingenuous to allow him to invest in a home that he may not reap the benefits of. Also, every time he hugged or kissed me felt like a lie. I can't describe it any better than that.
We both agreed our number one priority needs to be our son. I don't want it to get contentious. If allowing him to stay until late July will keep the peace, then that's what I will do. As it turns out, he may leave sooner as he is going house-hunting tomorrow.
There have been a lot of ups and downs. One day he will be reasonable and courteous, another day we get into a screaming match. He said, "How can you do this? I was blissfully happy for 20 years!"
I said, "I know you were. I WASN'T!! I dedicated my life to your happiness and made myself miserable in the process!!!"
We have spent hours and hours re-litigating every issue and incident of the last twenty years. It's so exhausting. He said he needs this. I'm not sure if this is on his counselor's advice or not. He swears THIS time he will change, but after I have given him 10-12 ultimatums over the years, I just don't buy it any more.
Don't feel you have to justify your feelings and actions to these cd posters...
very happy he's going to look at houses, great first step for him!
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