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Old 07-03-2018, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
3,730 posts, read 1,313,872 times
Reputation: 3486

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Most of my friends agree she is being confusing and is probably playing games.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:32 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
You ask, if she is busy, she is busy. Simple.


If she wants to hang and is sincere about it, she will ask too. Simple.


Go on with life in the meantime (always do this).


Not rocket science.





Yeah, I agree, but I guess I don't understand why someone needs to be told to "keep their options open". Unless you're in a committed monogamous relationship a person should always be moving forward and keeping options open. Always making connections. Always talking to people. Always living their lives. What else would you do? Get all hung up on a person you've met a few times, maybe had sex with a couple of times, and get all "where is this going? what are we doing here?". That's no fun. Chill out and have a good time.

We don't always keep our options open. I've been there myself. The only reason why I've kept my options open the last year or so, is because I was absolutely fed up with feeling ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE dating one person and getting dumped. I'm not saying I feel empowered dating around, but I feel way more at ease and I feel like I can live more in the moment too. My dates have been head and shoulders better and I have more women that are staying in touch wondering what I'm doing. I've also done a better job of accepting that people are busy and have busy lives and dating doesn't revolve around me. So I may have dinner with a woman on Friday, dinner with a woman on Saturday, and dinner with a woman on Tuesday.


Some of these women may only be able to get free once or twice a month, due to an unexpected change in their work schedule or something going on within their family. I've learned just to enjoy the time that I do get to spend with them and things will work out when they're supposed to work out.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
3,730 posts, read 1,313,872 times
Reputation: 3486
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
And this is a situation to where you need to spin plates. Don't tell her that you're going on a date, but don't always be available. Maybe she will come around and maybe she won't, but one thing is for sure. You won't just be sitting on your hands waiting for her to respond. And other thing, why try to clarify everything that she does with you? If you're out dating other women, just go with the flow and let her be her and you be you. If you meet a woman you like, she'll fall to the wayside anyways. If you're out dating other women, but aren't meeting the type of woman who lights your fire, maybe this other woman will be around from time to time.


To me, it sounds like she is in the "playing game" phase of her life. She likes you in some capacity, but doesn't want to put all her chips in, because she wants to keep her options open. There's nothing wrong with that, but you need to keep your options open as well. Continuing to badger her about what you two are doing is not what she's looking for. She wants cat and mouse play. However, you're the mouse and she keeps bopping you in the head with her paw. You need to figure out how to evade her paw and I'm fairly certain you'll get better results. She wants you to play hard to get, which is easy to do if you're out doing your own thing!



Yeah, it's back the other ones that I started to talk to. The good thing is that it was her who texted me. So I guess I'll see what happens.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:37 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
We don't always keep our options open. I've been there myself. The only reason why I've kept my options open the last year or so, is because I was absolutely fed up with feeling ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE dating one person and getting dumped. I'm not saying I feel empowered dating around, but I feel way more at ease and I feel like I can live more in the moment too. My dates have been head and shoulders better and I have more women that are staying in touch wondering what I'm doing. I've also done a better job of accepting that people are busy and have busy lives and dating doesn't revolve around me. So I may have dinner with a woman on Friday, dinner with a woman on Saturday, and dinner with a woman on Tuesday.
.


Ok. I trust you. I just don't understand while unless someone is in a committed monogamous relationships why they wouldn't. It's like, self defeating, and seems unnatural. If someone is monogamous, that's of course a different story. I'm sure the two women I'm mainly seeing are open to or actively seeing other people. No big deal. We're not monogamous.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
3,730 posts, read 1,313,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
We don't always keep our options open. I've been there myself. The only reason why I've kept my options open the last year or so, is because I was absolutely fed up with feeling ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE dating one person and getting dumped. I'm not saying I feel empowered dating around, but I feel way more at ease and I feel like I can live more in the moment too. My dates have been head and shoulders better and I have more women that are staying in touch wondering what I'm doing. I've also done a better job of accepting that people are busy and have busy lives and dating doesn't revolve around me. So I may have dinner with a woman on Friday, dinner with a woman on Saturday, and dinner with a woman on Tuesday.


Some of these women may only be able to get free once or twice a month, due to an unexpected change in their work schedule or something going on within their family. I've learned just to enjoy the time that I do get to spend with them and things will work out when they're supposed to work out.



I agree to an extent. Keeping your options open definitely makes it easier to move on when rejection hits you. However, I feel like if someone wants to make time for someone they're interested in, they will find the time. No matter how busy they are, they will include you in their life.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:46 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Ok. I trust you. I just don't understand while unless someone is in a committed monogamous relationships why they wouldn't. It's like, self defeating, and seems unnatural. If someone is monogamous, that's of course a different story. I'm sure the two women I'm mainly seeing are open to or actively seeing other people. No big deal. We're not monogamous.

Because I think many people aren't good at keeping their options open, especially if they find themselves really liking someone. I know I've tried to "convince" someone to like me more, because I liked them so much. The thing is that they did like me, I was just trying to move too quickly for them. They wanted to keep getting to know me, but at their own pace, and I felt their pace wasn't fast enough for what I was looking for.


The other reality is that dating around is expensive. I've been capable of meeting women that have pretty busy lives, so our dates have been cheap, because what they really want is a little sit down time with good conversation. Maybe a little food in their stomachs to boot. They're not at the stage to be wanting to take weekend trips, because they just don't have the time to do so. They want to, but it is going to take them more time to get comfortable enough to open up their schedule to any man. It took me a long time to figure that one out myself. I've always been impatient, but I've found myself to be pretty patient when dating around, but that also means I'm impatient, because I'm dating around. Funny how that works.


I also struggled with accepting that sometimes you'll do most things right and still lose. That was a tough one, but I've realized that I'm not going to hit every ball I swing at. So it's better for me to be swinging at 10 pitches than only swinging at 2.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:51 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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Originally Posted by Dizzy1988 View Post
I agree to an extent. Keeping your options open definitely makes it easier to move on when rejection hits you. However, I feel like if someone wants to make time for someone they're interested in, they will find the time. No matter how busy they are, they will include you in their life.
I don't think this is always true either. Sometimes they want to see you, but the time just isn't available. I've had women ask me when I was free and I said I wasn't free till a week from today. Sure, I could have carved out time, but they wouldn't have gotten the best me. They would have gotten me tired or even irritable. I rather them see me when I'm fresh and excited, than ran down and me trying to shoe horn them into an already busy schedule. I think women do want to make time for guys they like, but sometimes that time is just not available. It's the same for me too. If I want to exercise, keep my house relatively clean, laundry done, grass mowed, food in my stomach, and have a little bit of me time, there's not a lot of time left to be honest. I work 1/3 of my life and I wish I got to sleep the other 1/3, but I spend more time working, trying to stay somewhat healthy, and keeping my house in order than anything else. Such is life for many of us.
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:52 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
Because I think many people aren't good at keeping their options open, especially if they find themselves really liking someone. .


Well, at a certain point, if you're holding off making plans with someone in order to find out if someone else is free first, then its probably a time for a conversation with that person about what you're relationship is, but that should take awhile.


Even then though, people aren't going out every night with their date, so, gotta go out and do other stuff with other people anyway.


But yeah, I hear you on that it can be expensive. That's absolutely true, but that's not a good reason to try to force a relationship, IMO.
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Old 07-03-2018, 11:01 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Well, at a certain point, if you're holding off making plans with someone in order to find out if someone else is free first, then its probably a time for a conversation with that person about what you're relationship is, but that should take awhile.


Even then though, people aren't going out every night with their date, so, gotta go out and do other stuff with other people anyway.


But yeah, I hear you on that it can be expensive. That's absolutely true, but that's not a good reason to try to force a relationship, IMO.

You have to be able to pick your right audience. That's not always easy to do, since dating, much like life, can come in waves. I could lose all the women I'm talking to tomorrow and have to start over again. Just because I'm out on the dating front, doesn't mean the women out there are looking for me. I consider myself lucky this year, but I also think I honed in on what works best for me and my captive audience. That took time and a bit of inward reflection. I had to be honest about certain things in my life, and being honest with those things, made dating easier for me.
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Old 07-05-2018, 10:47 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,054,132 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy1988 View Post
So right as I move on and start talking to other people, she comes out of the woodworks and texts me! I was polite, made small talk (but made it quick), and got to the point. I asked her if she would like to go on a second date. She told me she was busy this week. That's when I decided to ask her what it is that she wants from me and if she sees us being more than friends. Her response was, "I don't know, honestly I do like you. I really do. But so far I just don't know in what capacity."

LOL what does that even mean? Honestly I don't think she knows what she wants. It made me laugh because it's like you texted me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
That means she isn't sure if she wants to be friends, or more than friends. That's pretty clear. Its up to you to decide hanging out with her casually will work for you, or not.

Not a enigma really. She was pretty clear.
I agree in part with Timberline. My take is that she is deciding if she wants to be just friends or whether she wants a romantic relationship, and she's still making up her mind. — IMO it could go either way.

Dizzy, I suggest you should continue your other social activities and dating, and go along with "she" and see if you can get it back to telephone conversations, keeping in mind that you have to steer her in the romantic direction.

You'll have to decide if you can't play it into a romantic relationship whether you want to have a platonic friend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
I also struggled with accepting that sometimes you'll do most things right and still lose. That was a tough one, but I've realized that I'm not going to hit every ball I swing at. So it's better for me to be swinging at 10 pitches than only swinging at 2.
That's a good concept. I've been there myself, sometimes you do everything right and you lose anyway.

And the answer is always the same: keep your options open. And most of us agree that OLD works, so I truly believe that very few of us can't get dates.

The best medicine for breaking up with somebody is to just go out on more dates. You can have a good time while you're feeling miserable!
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