How to tell my husband I want to seperate (separation, children, sex)

[Morgan2018]

I want to seperate from my husband of 12 years. We have 3 kids-I have always been a stay at home mom . He has a temper and curses a lot lately and even throws things at times. Him and our 11 year old who has mild adhd constantly argue. I see all 3 kids picking up on his bad habits and I cannot take it anymore. I’ve never researched any of this because I never in a million years thought I would be in this situation. How does separating work when one parent is a full time stay at home parent ? Who moves out and where do they go when your really tight on money ? Who pays the bills during the separation ? How do you decide on who sees the Kids times/days? Any advice/help is appreciated. I have no money so I can’t go to a lawyer right now.

[saltwater_gypsy]

12 yrs is a long time. Get some counseling. Leaving should be your last option unless he is abusive.

[ellie]

Try to find a mediator. https://www.mediate.com/articles/jamesb1.cfm

[Joey2k]

Depending on what state you are in, if he is the primary "breadwinner" he may be responsible for providing you with legal representation. Look into that.

Don't assume that the kids would/should come with you by default. As the father he has just as much right to them as you, unless a court decides that would not be in the children's best interest.

[Morgan2018]

I guess I don’t know what abusive even is. I’ll give an example of the last thing that set him off was-he got sun poisoning on vacation since he refuses to wear sunscreen and the kids kept grabbing onto his back like they normally do because they are used to and they didn’t realize just how bad his sunburn was. (Mainly our 4 year old) The youngest rubbed his iPad cover up against his back on accident during a board game we were playing and he grabbed his iPad and threw it across the room and it spilled all our drinks and the iPad shattered. He then started shaking his fists and saying what the f—- do I have to do to teach you not to touch my back? Just crazy stuff like that . It’s abusive in my eyes and all 3 of our kids curse and it’s because he can’t control himself. I undersand they can be frustrating but he’s the adult. I want to seperate because I think maybe he will see how serious I am about this but also because I think I need a break from him to think about what I really want to do and if I even want him in my life.

[DontH8Me]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. If you have health insurance, call the number on the card to see if they provide couples counseling. If they do, ask your husband if he would agree to it. Even if he doesn't, just go by yourself. The counselor will have lots of information to answer the many questions you've posed here.

Good luck.

[RJ_]

If his volatile behavior isn't typical then there's obviously one or more underlying agitants. You're not happy because he's not happy.

[elnina]

Is that a new behavior? Do you know when/how did it started? While this is not an excuse, perhaps he has job/health/money problems he is trying to resolve and didn't told you about.

[mrblank]

I would suggest face to face. He may actually be accepting. How is the sex life? If its not good then I will go out on a limb and say this may be one of the main reasons for his rage which is a derivative of resentment. After 10 + years most people are looking to get out of a relationship if they feel they have better long term options. Sad truth.

[kitty61]

He IS abusive. Emotional abuse is there. When I read that an 11 year old is the target of his angry yelling father, well, that was it for me!!! Walking on eggshells for years on end is very damaging especially for a child.