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If it weren't for the 10 yr age difference, I would say go slow and date this fella, but...the age difference also suggest that you are just the young girl kinda fun he needs during this crappy time in his life. I doubt he really takes this seriously. I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I am just thinking from a almost divorced 31 year old male's perspective.
His marriage was bad from the start and they only got married because she got pregnant. And we've also known each other for around 5 years (been dating 1). We've talked about all of the emotional stuff that comes with the divorce and I'm down to handle it. I'd rather love him and take a chance then never get to experience this.
Thank you to everyone for the advice on how to handle entering the kid's life (he's gonna be in 4th grade). I knew the kid before we started dating so I dont think it will be a big issue. I'll just be a fun friend he can go to
Just because you won't be a bio mom doesn't mean being a fun friend is the answer...and your saying so points to your immaturity.
When you're 21 you believe you can handle everything but you're playing with fire trying to "play house". You're gonna be dad's playmate and maybe the kid's playmate too but you're "transition girl". No need for you to have this kind of baggage at your age - why are you even settling down much less with a guy not even divorced and a kid in tow?
Just continue dating him.. you don’t have to play mommy you’re just the gf.
Actually, you may be the rebound. I've seen that pattern many times with male friends who divorced. The first girlfriend after the divorce is not the one they marry.
I would suggest not having too many expectations until after two years has passed.
Just because you won't be a bio mom doesn't mean being a fun friend is the answer...and your saying so points to your immaturity.
When you're 21 you believe you can handle everything but you're playing with fire trying to "play house". You're gonna be dad's playmate and maybe the kid's playmate too but you're "transition girl". No need for you to have this kind of baggage at your age - why are you even settling down much less with a guy not even divorced and a kid in tow?
Okay well I guess you took that the wrong way then. Starting a family is something I really want and I was "planning" (ok you can't really plan relationships but my desired timeline) to start in my mid 20s. It's something I truly want. And this may not be the way I thought it would work out but I've been given the chance to be a part of some amazing peoples' lives and I wouldn't change that for anything. I meant "fun friend" more as being a "cool aunt" type figure. I understand boundaries and would never cross any lines out of respect for my bf, the mom, and the child. All I know is I love and respect every one of them and if it doesn't work out, that's lifes plan. I was just looking for some insight on how to make it go as smoothly as possible. And if you knew him, you would probably do the same. Not in a naive way, but he's only given me reason to stay, and until I'm shown otherwise, the "baggage" is trivial because everyone has a past that affects them in some way.
And why is the divorce taking so long? If they've been dating a year ...
Hmm....
He was her boss at her old job, and he started exchanging confidences about how bad his marriage was, and now he's in the process of getting a divorce, but they've been "dating" for a year now...
Point blank question.... was he fooling around with you, or even having "just" an emotional affair, prior to filing for divorce?
Because I know from experience, cheaters lie, it's what they do. Of course they're going to tell their affair partner the marriage is terrible - otherwise, what sane person would cheat?
And if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
He was her boss at her old job, and he started exchanging confidences about how bad his marriage was, and now he's in the process of getting a divorce, but they've been "dating" for a year now...
Point blank question.... was he fooling around with you, or even having "just" an emotional affair, prior to filing for divorce?
Because I know from experience, cheaters lie, it's what they do. Of course they're going to tell their affair partner the marriage is terrible - otherwise, what sane person would cheat?
And if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
I didn't start seeing him until after they were separated. I was away at college before they were separated. You dont know the whole story and that's okay. It's our life and everyone is in a good place so that's all that should matter. I would never intentionally hurt someone by breaking up their marriage.
Separations are mandated for a year in some states or some couples pursue this if not mandated. My thinking is we don't marry the day we fall in love nor divorce on the day we decide not to be married. So dating during a separation is okay BUT a separation is meant as a time to reflect about the ending of a family. A boyfriend or girlfriend during that time could be distracting.
HE inpregnated her vs she got pregnant - the later is disrespectful to the child's Mom. Words matter. Both parents should use language that honors each other, and insist that others do the same or not date them.
Both parents should protect the child from further losses by not allowing relationships with new girlfriends or boyfriends. He's already losing an intact family. I think a relationship with his son is off-limits unless you're engaged so as to prevent another potential loss.
You are not at all mature enough to handle this, and believe me you will not be the one who he settles down with. This guy shouldn't even be dating right now. He is on the rebound. I don't care if they just got married because she was pregnant, you are still a rebound, they were still married. And believe me, you won't just be a " fun friend" for that child. You are 21, you are way too young to be considering settling down never mind in this situation. The fact you have known each other for 5 years means nothing, you do realize that you are barely out of being a teenager? I suspect you won't listen, and a year or so down the road you will be heartbroken. Never mind this boy who now has to deal with not only a divorce but some new woman around taking up his dads time. I am sorry but this man should be focusing on being a dad, not introducing you to his child. And for goodness sakes do not get pregnant thinking you will all blend and be one happy family, it doesn't work that way. The way this child is with you as his dads friend is far different than he would be if you were living there and being a step mom. I suspect we are all wasting our time replying though, you seem to have stars in your eyes thinking this will all be one happy situation. And why a 31 would date a 21 year old is beyond me, you two are in completely different stages in life.
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