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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD
Let me get this straight. You've used an impersonal medium to set up a date, and then surprised by lack of candor, communication and attachment?
The OP made a crucial mistake that since she as a human being dealing with supposedly another human being that she had a reasonable expectation of respect and class regardless of the medium used to communicate. Shame on her.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,069,650 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
The OP made a crucial mistake that since she as a human being dealing with supposedly another human being that she had a reasonable expectation of respect and class regardless of the medium used to communicate. Shame on her.
Expectations should closely match one's effort in any endeavor. Low effort often equals low.....
Let me get this straight. You used an impersonal medium to set up a date, and then, were surprised by lack of candor, communication and attachment?
Let me get this straight, you have presumably never used online dating, so you have zero idea what you are talking about but figure you may as well criticize anyway?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Btw, I know at least a dozen couples off the top of my head who have been happily married for years at this point who met via online dating. If I stopped to think a little longer, it would be at least double that.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,069,650 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
Let me get this straight, you have presumably never used online dating, so you have zero idea what you are talking about but figure you may as well criticize anyway?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Btw, I know at least a dozen couples off the top of my head who have been happily married for years at this point who met via online dating. If I stopped to think a little longer, it would be at least double that.
See, this is a problem when you can't see further than your nose. Show me where I said one can't find a mate online? In fact, I'm assuming people who've found success online are the ones who were able to put things in perspective, keep big picture in focus, and understand that during this process there will be plenty of douche bags along the way.
Hey, at least you got one passive aggressive comment in by the end of the day.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD
Expectations should closely match one's effort in any endeavor. Low effort often equals low.....
Putting a profile of yourself on a public website and then actively communicating with prospects is not a low effort endeavor just because it’s digital.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,069,650 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Putting a profile of yourself on a public website and then actively communicating with prospects is not a low effort endeavor just because it’s digital.
Listen, I don't want to get into the effectiveness of online dating. That wasn't my point.
But to say putting together a profile and having for the most part very shallow interactions (at first) is same as developing relationships in a real world, is fantasy.
But yes, "most" people on this thread want to be taken out and treated to something fairly expensive on a first date, which I fully believe is the complete wrong approach. First meetings shouldn't cost anyone much, because they're unlikely to lead to a relationship.
Honestly, my first choice would be to do something fun that showcases your personality. But I’m the sort of person that could make conversation with basically anyone and find it fun to get to know someone witg no expectations. Most people do not operate that way so I settle for drinks or coffee. I’d rather do anything else. :P
I was 60 at the time and had just started riding my bicycle a lot for exercise and enjoyment. The guy I was "talking" to on Match liked bike riding, too, and we agreed to meet for a Sunday morning bike ride on a local trail, culminating with lunch in the little town at the trail head.
I thoroughly explained that I was a slow rider, didn't have a lot of endurance yet, had an old 3-speed bike, and rode in shorts and a t-shirt, not fancy riding gear. He seemed to be fine with that, said he'd slow down to ride with me.
We met at the trailhead. He had a top-of-the-line racing bike, was all got up in his bike finery, fancy helmet, etc. I, as I indicated, was on a 10-year-old 3-speed, shorts, t-shirt, Walmart helmet. We took off on our ride. It didn't take long to tell he was getting impatient with me, so I suggested he go on ahead as far as he wanted to go and then turn around. I'd turn around when I thought I had gone as far as I could go and still get back on my own power and we'd meet up somewhere along the line or back at the trailhead and have lunch. So he headed off.
That's what *I* did. When I got back to the trailhead, he had never passed me up coming back and his car was gone. There was another route to get back to the trailhead and obviously he had taken that and ditched me. I never heard from him again and I certainly didn't contact him, either.
What a jerk. But definitely red flags when he showed up with all the gear and surely clip-in pedals. At least you got a nice bike ride in.
The OP made a crucial mistake that since she as a human being dealing with supposedly another human being that she had a reasonable expectation of respect and class regardless of the medium used to communicate. Shame on her.
Quite. If you weren't already my friend I'd friend you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Honestly, my first choice would be to do something fun that showcases your personality. But I’m the sort of person that could make conversation with basically anyone and find it fun to get to know someone witg no expectations. Most people do not operate that way so I settle for drinks or coffee. I’d rather do anything else. :P
I bet you and I are a lot alike. I just had a mind blowing first date, and after I walked my date back to her car on my return trip to the valet I struck up a convo with a couple ladies (or mother and daughter) about some sort of -pedic pillows they were carrying back to their car. I told them the pillows were damned good! They and I shared a 30 second friendship.
I can make a convo anywhere and usually do. I'm not an extrovert. I'm just outgoing and like people. Make it a 30 second friendship or a 20 year friendship, it's all about friendship.
Had exactly the same experience. Scheduled a tinder date to meet at a place & a time. I got there, went to message I was there & found out he unmatched us!! If you’re ever in the Washington DC area stay away from Eric, 35, in Arlington VA who works at Carfax!
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